BREAKING NEWS, dateline: May 2, 2009 Northern VA.

GOP strategists (sic) met today at Mario’s Pizza and Grill in a strip mall just outside of Washington D.C., to brainstorm on an agenda that included plans for taking back America, to be followed by taking over the world. Top republicans, Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, and Eric Cantor held this town-hall meeting with several of the town folk - once they passed a background check and consented to signing a loyalty agreement – over pizzas, salads, sodas and Mario’s famous Garlicky Rolls™. Noticeably missing was RNC Chairman Michael Steele, who, following the conference was found out back, anxiously pacing around the dumpsters.

First order of business; coming up with a catchy new name that sounds patriotic, harmless and all-inclusive with an emphasis on making the GOP appeal to young voters. Many good ideas came out:

Americans for a New and Improved America.
Americans for America Only
Young ‘Cans 4 a New ‘Merica (Sounded hip but may not hold up long term).
Youth Brigade, America First!
New Youth American Project.
Americans for a New United States.
Patriots United in Strong, Sensible Youth.

The latter two were discarded due to the indecorous acronyms that might be used; good call Mr. Bush!

The name almost unanimously picked was, National Council for a New America. It just rolls of the tongue and sounds important and dignified, while at the same time hints that we need a “new” America. That the one we have just isn’t good enough, and by God, only the Republican Party can make it better!

"Certainly our party has taken its licks the last few cycles, but that's why we're here," House Minority Whip Eric Cantor said Saturday, while engaging a Mario’s pizza slice in a battle over a long string of hot melted cheese that refused to give heed. "The reality is, the prescriptions coming out of Washington right now are not reflective of the mainstream of this country. And, by mainstream, of course I mean regular people."

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said it's time for Republicans "to listen a little bit, learn a little bit." He advised Republicans to work on the party's message and "not be so nostalgic."

“For example” he continued, “remember how we used to care about privacy and liberty and the American dream for everyone? These ideals are just as outdated as shoulder pads and white guys wearing white blazers and one earring”.

“Shoulder pads remind me of ‘Dynasty’ and ‘Dallas’”, said a starry eyed Romney.

Romney blamed Washington for the policies that led to the collapse of the housing market, and painted his party's minority status as a blessing in disguise.

"We have an advantage," said the former Republican presidential candidate. "When a party has the White House, communication comes from the top down, and there's a strategy that everyone has to march behind." Instead, he said, the GOP had the option of drawing its strategy from the grassroots.

“Plus” he added, “its not like we’re the party to blame for the Obama Depression”.

"We don't have to come up with all the answers today”, added Cantor just before grabbing a fourth heaping serving of Garlicky Rolls. “Thank goodness, we have a little time," he said. "Certainly by 2010, we better. In fact, lets meet here every week until 2010, k?"

Bush reminded the others to not to forget to blame the media in all of this. “Look, the media has been out to get us ever since 2004. I mean, one smart guy comes along and they’re all like ‘Oh, President Obama, la tee da’. Certainly they play a large part in this as well. Who ever thought that the housing bubble might burst or that Wall Street was greedy? I mean, no one saw that coming.”

After several hours of voicing opinions and ordering a plethora of pizza and Garlicky Rolls™, the meeting was adjourned after deciding that at the next meeting they would form a committee to design a logo for the NCNA as well as a plan to stealthily deface all the Obama/Biden bumper stickers in the parking lot of Mario’s.