The Republican convention is now in full swing in Tampa, FL. These things are always a bit of the theatre of the absurd, regardless of party, and this one has not failed to disappoint. The idea is for members of the party from all over the country to get together, officially nominate their candidate, try to hammer out a general consensus on what they represent, and get everyone's energy revved up for the final stretch to the general election.

Like their convention 4 years ago, a hurricane cut short their plans by one day. You'd think they'd get the hint that someone was trying to tell them something, but of course they don't.

Weather wasn't the only hurricane. For the couple weeks previous to the convention, it's been all rape and abortion all the time. Todd Akin (R-MO) got the ball rolling with his "legitimate rape" comment. Then there was PA Senate candidate Tom Smith who said his daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy was the same thing as rape. He also said that there should be no abortions allowed for rape victims. NJ Governor Chris Christie - slated to speak at the convention - said that the GOP shouldn't condescend to women.

With all this woman-bashing talk, you have to wonder how that all squares with the Republican party platform and the candidates. As it turns out, the GOP Platform codifies the anti-abortion rhetoric. They also apparently decided to officially come out against gay marriage and porn (although I don't know if that's exactly going to fly with some of their supporters). As has been widely reported, veep candidate Paul Ryan has espoused these views as well, and has been trying very hard to obfuscate that recently. His record is a matter of record, though, and he can't deny his previous votes. If you are a women that supports your (or your daughter's) right to contraception and emergency abortion, this should be a deal-breaker for you.

Getting back to the convention itself, yesterday was the roll-call vote. This is where every "great" state gets to announce how many delegate votes they are casting, and for which candidate. Convention organizers decided to handle this with all the diplomacy of a cold war dictator. States that did not go for Romney (Georgia - Newt Gingrich, and the states that went to Ron Paul) were isolated from the other states up in the nosebleed seats. When the microphone got to them, it "mysteriously" stopped working. If one of the other states said "10 votes for Mitt Romney and 5 votes for Ron Paul", the announcer on stage only repeated the "10 votes for Mitt Romney".

On top of this, they voted on changing the rules for next time so that party embarrassments like Ron Paul wouldn't have a chance. Naturally, the Ron Paul supporters were not amused:

Most of the rest of the day was speeches. There was VA Gov. Bob McDonald waxing poetic about how his state "did build that" without acknowledging how the northern half (the one that brings in all the money) is all federal government contractors (mostly military). SC Gov Nikki Haley touted her state's manufacturing and union busting.

Rick Santorum talked mostly about himself. He didn't mention Mitt Romney at all. He did talk a lot about hands. That was weird.

One of the most anticipated speeches was by Ann Romney - Mitt's wife. She stood there in an expensive designer dress and millions in offshore accounts talking about struggling economically. It was absurd and everyone knew it, hence the tepid reaction from the crowd. She said that the most important thing was "love".

Which made it even more hilarious when the fat goomba governor of NJ (yet another governor...hmmm) Chris Christie lumbered out onto the stage for the keynote address, and promptly told the crowd it was better to be respected than loved.

Oops.

Along with cancelling out Ann Romney's message, he also went on to delineate the differences between Republicans and Democrats, mostly lying about both. He also said that "real leaders don't follow polls - they change polls", which is hilarious considering how weather vane Mitt changes his positions every time the political wind blows a different direction. Like Santorum and Haley before him, he barely mentioned Mitt at all. It was more of a "I'll be running for the nomination in 2016" speech.

Perhaps the reason for having all those governors there was to shore up Romeny's experience as governor of Massachusetts. They criticized president Obama's economic policies, while talking about how great their states were doing. That would seem to undercut their own message. I'd love to see the Obama campaign use snippets of those for his own campaign ads.

As you might expect, there were some sideshow stories coming from the convention, like all of the strip clubs, including the one with a Sarah Palin impersonator. Workers checking IDs at these establishments report that there is a large contigent of conventioneers showing up. It makes one wonder if they've read their own platform.

There was also the attendee that threw nuts at a black CNN camerawoman and yelled "this is how we feed the animals". It would be awesome if she got that on tape, but I imagine we'd be seeing it already if she had.

Tonight we'll have another parade of Republican speakers, including Mitch McConnell, John McCain, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, Condoleeza Rice, and veep candidate Paul Ryan. That should be quite the pastiche of conservative dogma and President Obama bashing. I wonder how many of them will actually mention Mitt Romney?

Grab your popcorn!