-
It's that time of year again - our ISP is asking for money. If you have some spare change, please click the Donate link... Thanks!
- About Us
- Search
- Need Help?
- Donate
- Login/Register
Latest Entries
Actions Menu
Blog Roll
- 4F Facebook Page
- Turn Up The Night with Kenny Pick
- Stephanie Miller Show
- The Tim Corrimal Show
- The Rachel Maddow Show
- Angry Americans with Paul Rieckhoff
- Thom Hartmann Program
- Turnips! Fans of Turn Up the Night Facebook Page
- Snopes.com
- Factcheck.org
- Official White House Page, if you must.
- The Brad Blog / Green News Report
- The Poorly Written Political Blog (Joe Santorsa)
Dear Velveeta: Advice to Progressives from a Dogmatic Southern Belle
Author: velveeta jones
Date: 11/16/2008 14:19:08
I'm trying my hand at being an advice columnist. Since so many people are always asking:
Dear Velveeta
My 4 year old has horrible temper tantrums and I have read several books on how to control his outbursts, but still have trouble on a daily basis. I can't take him grocery shopping for fear of his crying and "I wants..." or even to our Unitarian Universalist services because he fusses so much. I've tried redirection techniques, time-outs, ignoring them, even therapy. I am at my wits end, please help.
Signed,
Desperate Liberal
Dear Pansy
Here is what you'll need, write this down: Whiskey, Xanax prescription, leather belt, cookies. When your little rug-rat throws a tantrum, take 2 shots of whiskey and apply the leather belt forcefully to his butt. Follow with a Xanax to calm your nerves. Every time he doesn't act up, reward his behavior with a cookie(s). At your "church" don't they teach "spare the rod, spoil the child"? If not, I advise you try your local First Baptist Church. Until then, keep the cookies coming for him and the whiskey for you. Be liberal with both.
***************
Velveeta.
Dear Velveeta
I am really in love with this girl that goes to my school but I don't think she notices that I'm alive! She likes the popular guys who excel in sports, and I'm not very athletic. I have a disability that keeps me from participating in contact sports, though I am our school champion in chess. I have already been accepted to MIT for my math skills and recently won a national award for a Robotics competition. I am thinking of having my braces removed and I am working with my dermatologist on my acne to have it shaved off. Maybe then I'll have the courage to talk to her? What do you think?
Signed
Shy-guy
Dear guy,
Yikes! That sounds horrible, how very sad for you.
Velveeta
******************
Dear Velveeta,
Do you believe in Karma? I think it exists! For example, look what happened to Michael Vick. After being courted by the Falcons and paid handsomely, he got involved in dog fighting and now sits in prison making 12 cents an hour! He's lost everything and his dogs now live in luxury on a farm in Utah! They even have a wine named after them!
Signed
Happy believer
Dear Happy,
Its not karma, its just coincidence. How, for example, do you explain what happened to Gilligan and his fellow lost souls who got stranded on an island? Their only crime was to go on a three hour tour. A three hour tour! Once landing on this island they were forever lost, left to fend for themselves against giant spiders, Russian cosmonauts, gangsters, apes and other unholy entities with nothing to eat but coconut cream pie. What heinous act could they have committed to deserve this type of punishment? Hmm?
Velveeta
*************
Whew! This may be too much for little ol’ me..........
Dear Velveeta
My 4 year old has horrible temper tantrums and I have read several books on how to control his outbursts, but still have trouble on a daily basis. I can't take him grocery shopping for fear of his crying and "I wants..." or even to our Unitarian Universalist services because he fusses so much. I've tried redirection techniques, time-outs, ignoring them, even therapy. I am at my wits end, please help.
Signed,
Desperate Liberal
Dear Pansy
Here is what you'll need, write this down: Whiskey, Xanax prescription, leather belt, cookies. When your little rug-rat throws a tantrum, take 2 shots of whiskey and apply the leather belt forcefully to his butt. Follow with a Xanax to calm your nerves. Every time he doesn't act up, reward his behavior with a cookie(s). At your "church" don't they teach "spare the rod, spoil the child"? If not, I advise you try your local First Baptist Church. Until then, keep the cookies coming for him and the whiskey for you. Be liberal with both.
***************
Velveeta.
Dear Velveeta
I am really in love with this girl that goes to my school but I don't think she notices that I'm alive! She likes the popular guys who excel in sports, and I'm not very athletic. I have a disability that keeps me from participating in contact sports, though I am our school champion in chess. I have already been accepted to MIT for my math skills and recently won a national award for a Robotics competition. I am thinking of having my braces removed and I am working with my dermatologist on my acne to have it shaved off. Maybe then I'll have the courage to talk to her? What do you think?
Signed
Shy-guy
Dear guy,
Yikes! That sounds horrible, how very sad for you.
Velveeta
******************
Dear Velveeta,
Do you believe in Karma? I think it exists! For example, look what happened to Michael Vick. After being courted by the Falcons and paid handsomely, he got involved in dog fighting and now sits in prison making 12 cents an hour! He's lost everything and his dogs now live in luxury on a farm in Utah! They even have a wine named after them!
Signed
Happy believer
Dear Happy,
Its not karma, its just coincidence. How, for example, do you explain what happened to Gilligan and his fellow lost souls who got stranded on an island? Their only crime was to go on a three hour tour. A three hour tour! Once landing on this island they were forever lost, left to fend for themselves against giant spiders, Russian cosmonauts, gangsters, apes and other unholy entities with nothing to eat but coconut cream pie. What heinous act could they have committed to deserve this type of punishment? Hmm?
Velveeta
Whew! This may be too much for little ol’ me..........
Comments:
Order comments Newest to Oldest Refresh Comments
Comment by 
Mondobubba on 11/16/2008 15:10:23
Mondobubba on 11/16/2008 15:10:23
Why Miss VJ, that is an advice column I'd go outta my way to read! 
Comment by 
livingonli on 11/16/2008 16:16:21
livingonli on 11/16/2008 16:16:21
We better watch out before some newspaper whisks Velveeta away from us. 
Comment by 
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 16:29:43
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 16:29:43
I'm trying to figure out a reason why I would want to get out of bed this morning and I really can't right now. 
It's dreary out there, and while it was 70 degrees at 9PM last night I'm just watching the thermometer drop.
It's dreary out there, and while it was 70 degrees at 9PM last night I'm just watching the thermometer drop.
Comment by 
TriSec on 11/16/2008 16:34:42
TriSec on 11/16/2008 16:34:42
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Gravy in the slow cooker; cake just out of the oven, floors clean, wingnuts-in-law inbound at 3 o'clock!
:sprint:
Gravy in the slow cooker; cake just out of the oven, floors clean, wingnuts-in-law inbound at 3 o'clock!
:sprint:
Comment by 
velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 17:11:16
Le Yikes! Look sharp soldier!
velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 17:11:16
Quote by TriSec:
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Gravy in the slow cooker; cake just out of the oven, floors clean, wingnuts-in-law inbound at 3 o'clock!
:sprint:
Le Yikes! Look sharp soldier!
Comment by velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 18:15:09
velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 18:15:09
you are too funny. 
Comment by livingonli on 11/16/2008 18:25:32
livingonli on 11/16/2008 18:25:32
I feel the chill of fall now. Which reminds me, I have to buy more sweaters on my day off.
Comment by velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 18:38:11
HEY! Am I talkin' to myself? Or, is Aunt Azalea posing as me again?
:modbat:
velveeta jones on 11/16/2008 18:38:11
Quote by velveeta jones:
you are too funny.
HEY! Am I talkin' to myself? Or, is Aunt Azalea posing as me again?
:modbat:
Comment by AuntAzalea on 11/16/2008 18:40:48
crap
of course that was me.
Quote by velveeta jones:Quote by velveeta jones:
you are too funny.
HEY! Am I talkin' to myself? Or, is Aunt Azalea posing as me again?
:modbat:
crap
of course that was me.
Comment by livingonli on 11/16/2008 18:59:11
livingonli on 11/16/2008 18:59:11
And the Giants are kicking Baltimore butt. 
Comment by TriSec on 11/16/2008 19:38:32
TriSec on 11/16/2008 19:38:32
OK, ready to go!
Lasagna is made, waiting for the oven...
I am my mother. If the 82nd Airborne should happen to drive down Summer Street this afternoon and wanted to visit, nobody would leave here hungry today.
Gonna drop off a bit...thanks to the wonder of the internets I get Radio Batanga from Miami...good Cuban music this afternoon!
Lasagna is made, waiting for the oven...
I am my mother. If the 82nd Airborne should happen to drive down Summer Street this afternoon and wanted to visit, nobody would leave here hungry today.
Gonna drop off a bit...thanks to the wonder of the internets I get Radio Batanga from Miami...good Cuban music this afternoon!
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 19:56:27
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 19:56:27
Well, that was fun. I carried my old Philco down to the workbench to see what is going wrong with it. Didn't see anything inside way out of line, wiggled the tubes & whatnot and they seemed to be OK, so I set up my transmitter again and did a few tests and it sounded OK. I cranked it way up with Ligher Shade of Pale playing and it again sounded good enough. Then my transmitter software went back to transmitting some test tones ---- BANG!!! 
and a bit of smoke started wafting out from under the chassis.
I guess I killed whatever was starting to go bad. Now for the post-mortem.
and a bit of smoke started wafting out from under the chassis.I guess I killed whatever was starting to go bad. Now for the post-mortem.
Comment by livingonli on 11/16/2008 20:04:54
livingonli on 11/16/2008 20:04:54
Uh, that sounds rough, trojanrabbit.
And now it's time for me to head off to the salt mine.
And now it's time for me to head off to the salt mine.
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 20:15:30
Have fun.
Well, I quickly pulled the chassis out and there were pieces of capacitor still inside. So I found what went BANG and why it continued to play after it went BANG. A capacitor connected across the 120V went bad and it was likely because I had my 'scope connected to the speaker. I can get more techincal but the gist of it is my testing accellerated the inevitable.
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 20:15:30
Quote by livingonli:
Uh, that sounds rough, trojanrabbit.
And now it's time for me to head off to the salt mine.
Have fun.
Well, I quickly pulled the chassis out and there were pieces of capacitor still inside. So I found what went BANG and why it continued to play after it went BANG. A capacitor connected across the 120V went bad and it was likely because I had my 'scope connected to the speaker. I can get more techincal but the gist of it is my testing accellerated the inevitable.
Comment by 
Raine on 11/16/2008 20:55:57
:rofl: I love when it happens to someone else!!!
Raine on 11/16/2008 20:55:57
Quote by AuntAzalea:Quote by velveeta jones:Quote by velveeta jones:
you are too funny.
HEY! Am I talkin' to myself? Or, is Aunt Azalea posing as me again?
:modbat:
crap
Comment by 
BobR on 11/16/2008 21:00:33
BobR on 11/16/2008 21:00:33
Hey VJ - I'd say your advice is no worse than any other column. You should be making the big bucks too.
anyway - good afternoon everyone. Back from our little overnight adventure with the doggie playdate/sleepover...
anyway - good afternoon everyone. Back from our little overnight adventure with the doggie playdate/sleepover...
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 21:53:15
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 21:53:15
This is a very old pic of the radio. I really should take a new one with a decent camera. Guess it will have to wait until I put the thing back together again.
It didn't look that bad with the back off, so I just started letting it play.
Well, here's what went pffft
There were other pieces of that blown cap and some melted wax in the bottom of the cabinet.
Fortunately I never leave my old radios plugged in when I'm not using them, as this blown part always has power on it whether the switch is on or not.
It didn't look that bad with the back off, so I just started letting it play.
Well, here's what went pffft
There were other pieces of that blown cap and some melted wax in the bottom of the cabinet.
Fortunately I never leave my old radios plugged in when I'm not using them, as this blown part always has power on it whether the switch is on or not.
Comment by Raine on 11/16/2008 22:53:40
Raine on 11/16/2008 22:53:40
Aww Rabbit... is there any hope for it?
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 23:25:10
trojanrabbit on 11/16/2008 23:25:10
Sure, Raine. There are modern day replacements for many of those parts, I'll just have to order them (the easy part) and put them in (the not so easy part). I count about 15 parts like the one that blew that really should be replaced before I power it up again. No other damage underneath that I can see.
I used to be much more into the old radio & TV repair stuff as a hobby, had a 60's vintage color TV that I did major surgery on at least twice. Hell, I still have the schematic diagrams for my (at the time) girlfriend's color TV and her father's Trinitron as well. I remember having a replacement tube for her set in hand and I was about to show it to her and I dropped it.....
I need to work on getting my skills back. This will help.
The good news is that the radio was still playing after this thing blew. It really only filters noise from the power line. Actually the fact that I got a big spark when I attached my scope probe to the speaker should have set off warning flags in my head. A few years ago I might have remembered that was a BAD thing.
I used to be much more into the old radio & TV repair stuff as a hobby, had a 60's vintage color TV that I did major surgery on at least twice. Hell, I still have the schematic diagrams for my (at the time) girlfriend's color TV and her father's Trinitron as well. I remember having a replacement tube for her set in hand and I was about to show it to her and I dropped it.....
I need to work on getting my skills back. This will help.
The good news is that the radio was still playing after this thing blew. It really only filters noise from the power line. Actually the fact that I got a big spark when I attached my scope probe to the speaker should have set off warning flags in my head. A few years ago I might have remembered that was a BAD thing.
Comment by Raine on 11/17/2008 00:21:13
Raine on 11/17/2008 00:21:13
Just a reminder... PE Barack Obama will be coming up shortly on 60 minutes.
Comment by Raine on 11/17/2008 00:34:28
Well I am glad to hear this, I know how much you enjoy that machine.
Raine on 11/17/2008 00:34:28
Quote by trojanrabbit:
Sure, Raine. There are modern day replacements for many of those parts, I'll just have to order them (the easy part) and put them in (the not so easy part). I count about 15 parts like the one that blew that really should be replaced before I power it up again. No other damage underneath that I can see.
I used to be much more into the old radio & TV repair stuff as a hobby, had a 60's vintage color TV that I did major surgery on at least twice. Hell, I still have the schematic diagrams for my (at the time) girlfriend's color TV and her father's Trinitron as well. I remember having a replacement tube for her set in hand and I was about to show it to her and I dropped it.....
I need to work on getting my skills back. This will help.
The good news is that the radio was still playing after this thing blew. It really only filters noise from the power line. Actually the fact that I got a big spark when I attached my scope probe to the speaker should have set off warning flags in my head. A few years ago I might have remembered that was a BAD thing.
Comment by TriSec on 11/17/2008 01:09:30
TriSec on 11/17/2008 01:09:30
OMG!
Comment by livingonli on 11/17/2008 01:15:08
livingonli on 11/17/2008 01:15:08
Is that a barbecue at the Stephanie Miller house?
Comment by BobR on 11/17/2008 01:15:24
I worked for a short time as a tech for a pro audio repair shop. Nothing like getting your hands into that high voltage with the tubes.
I used to have a beauty of an old radio that I never got around to fixing. Unfortunately, my ex-wife's aunt had given it to us, so it did not leave with me during the divorce.
I still have my MIL-spec soldering skills though, and helped a friend do a hardware hack on his game console...
BobR on 11/17/2008 01:15:24
Quote by trojanrabbit:
Sure, Raine. There are modern day replacements for many of those parts, I'll just have to order them (the easy part) and put them in (the not so easy part). I count about 15 parts like the one that blew that really should be replaced before I power it up again. No other damage underneath that I can see.
I used to be much more into the old radio & TV repair stuff as a hobby, had a 60's vintage color TV that I did major surgery on at least twice. Hell, I still have the schematic diagrams for my (at the time) girlfriend's color TV and her father's Trinitron as well. I remember having a replacement tube for her set in hand and I was about to show it to her and I dropped it.....
I need to work on getting my skills back. This will help.
The good news is that the radio was still playing after this thing blew. It really only filters noise from the power line. Actually the fact that I got a big spark when I attached my scope probe to the speaker should have set off warning flags in my head. A few years ago I might have remembered that was a BAD thing.
I worked for a short time as a tech for a pro audio repair shop. Nothing like getting your hands into that high voltage with the tubes.
I used to have a beauty of an old radio that I never got around to fixing. Unfortunately, my ex-wife's aunt had given it to us, so it did not leave with me during the divorce.
I still have my MIL-spec soldering skills though, and helped a friend do a hardware hack on his game console...
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/17/2008 01:37:04
Actually my pride & joy 1940 Zenith console is sitting down here next to the bench beckoning me to plug 'er in. That one has more mechanical issues in that the tuning belt keeps slipping off. It would probably put the Philco's sound to shame.
The major surgery I performed on my old color console was replacing the High Voltage transformer where the old one had a hole blown through it, only about 25,000 volts there. Makes the 300 volts in the Philco seem like nothing.... :yawn:
trojanrabbit on 11/17/2008 01:37:04
Quote by BobR:Quote by trojanrabbit:
Sure, Raine. There are modern day replacements for many of those parts, I'll just have to order them (the easy part) and put them in (the not so easy part). I count about 15 parts like the one that blew that really should be replaced before I power it up again. No other damage underneath that I can see.
I used to be much more into the old radio & TV repair stuff as a hobby, had a 60's vintage color TV that I did major surgery on at least twice. Hell, I still have the schematic diagrams for my (at the time) girlfriend's color TV and her father's Trinitron as well. I remember having a replacement tube for her set in hand and I was about to show it to her and I dropped it.....
I need to work on getting my skills back. This will help.
The good news is that the radio was still playing after this thing blew. It really only filters noise from the power line. Actually the fact that I got a big spark when I attached my scope probe to the speaker should have set off warning flags in my head. A few years ago I might have remembered that was a BAD thing.
I worked for a short time as a tech for a pro audio repair shop. Nothing like getting your hands into that high voltage with the tubes.
I used to have a beauty of an old radio that I never got around to fixing. Unfortunately, my ex-wife's aunt had given it to us, so it did not leave with me during the divorce.
I still have my MIL-spec soldering skills though, and helped a friend do a hardware hack on his game console...
Actually my pride & joy 1940 Zenith console is sitting down here next to the bench beckoning me to plug 'er in. That one has more mechanical issues in that the tuning belt keeps slipping off. It would probably put the Philco's sound to shame.
The major surgery I performed on my old color console was replacing the High Voltage transformer where the old one had a hole blown through it, only about 25,000 volts there. Makes the 300 volts in the Philco seem like nothing.... :yawn:
Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/17/2008 03:50:08
mmmmmmmmm
Charcoal on a gas grill.
trojanrabbit on 11/17/2008 03:50:08
Quote by TriSec:
OMG!
mmmmmmmmm
Charcoal on a gas grill.