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The Candidates, pt 6
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 06/05/2011 14:56:01

Continuing our look at the exciting lineup of GOP 2012 noms would be incomplete if we didn't acknowledge Mrs. Sarah Palin. Sarah, aka Mama Grizzly, has previously said she would not run for President in 2012, but she has also said that she would be Governor of Alaska, that she could see Russia from her house, that North Korea was our ally, and, more recently, that Paul Revere fired his 9mm Glock in the air while yelling “The Red Coats are coming and be sure to buy my newest single out on iTunes this week” through town, so her word has little weight.

Palin was born in Sandpoint, Idaho, and is the third of four children born to Charles R. "Chuck" Heath, a science teacher and track coach, and Sarah "Sally". They moved around quite a lot finally settling in Wasilla when she was eight.

Palin played flute in the junior high band, then attended Wasilla High School where she was the head of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and a member of the girls' basketball and cross country running teams. During her senior year she was given the nickname "Sarah Barracuda" allegedly for her competitive streak but the reality of the nickname would make a porn star blush.

Sarah was Mayor of Wasilla, AK for a while, which was a natural stepping stone to her becoming Governor of the state in 2006. As Mayor, she had been quite successful in building a municipal sports complex under budget and on-time, with only one teeny-tiny problem; they forgot to buy the land that it sits on. Be that as it may, she was elected to run the state by an overwhelming majority. Legitimate media outlets labeled her “Most popular governor” as Lame-stream media awarded her “Hottest Governor in the Coldest State”.

Because of her popularity and alleged hotness, she was picked as John McCain’s running mate for the 2008 Presidential campaign. Many Republicans saw her as a shining star of their party with her appeal of fiscal conservatism and small government including reducing spending and decreasing taxes, opposing Obama-care and the Death camps it proposed as well as her Christian superiority and pro-life stance. While other Republicans envisioned her in bikini bottoms and high-heels firing an automatic rifle and blowing away wildlife.

It was soon apparent that McCain’s campaign became all about her and less and less about him, as he wandered around like "doddering Grandpa" while the press surrounded her like skinny jeans on a plus-size model.

After losing, Sarah went back to Alaska to finish cleaning up any messiness with her “Trooper-gate” affair and then promptly quit as Governor. Her reasons for quitting were not really clear, but it did involve playing basketball and teams and refrigerator magnet-sayings and lots of self-congratulatory horn-tooting, ad-libs, catch-phrases and unexplained political shorthand references that made many people collectively tilt their heads.

It did, however, contain one of my favorite moments in the history of quitting-sound bites and I’ll be using bits of it when I quit my job:
Life is too short to compromise time and resources, It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out.


My hero.

Sarah Palin in 2012! If you can catch up with her big-assed Patriotic bus that has her signature on it, ask her if and when she’s gonna actually do something!
 

5 comments (Latest Comment: 06/05/2011 22:38:39 by AuntAzalea)
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Comment by livingonli on 06/05/2011 16:14:58
Greetings everyone. A long day for me today. Have to be in at 2 PM to do a 4 PM Nats game and then working MSG to do Hockey Night Live which hopefully will be pre-fed so I just have the CC records at 11 and can get out the door by 1..

Comment by trojanrabbit on 06/05/2011 18:27:50
Brought the car to the local BJ's to get the spare tire put on and get off that teeny-tiny spare. We went afterwards to check out the row of jersey barriers that I unsuccessfully tried to climb. They jut out half-way into the lane with the only thing to mark them being some barrels, so I must have caught them as they were jutting out (there are so many scrapes on them it's hard to tell which is mine). I'm still amazed that the only damage was a scrape on the side of the bumper, the blown tire and a little scraping of the frame. Good going, Honda.

Comment by Raine on 06/05/2011 18:50:01
Planting flowers, as I am want to do.

Hopefully will be going to the pool in a little while.


Excellent Blog today, Ms. Jones. I do enjoy this ongoing series. At the rate things are going you will have a new candidate everyweek leading up until election day. George Pataki and Frank Gaffney are now said to be in the running. --- no, Not joking.

Comment by BobR on 06/05/2011 21:19:09
Yay - another incisive look at the banality of the Republican class of 2012.

Comment by AuntAzalea on 06/05/2011 22:38:39
"press surrounded her like skinny jeans on a plus-size model"
too funny