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Forcibly Taking Away History
Author: Raine    Date: 08/23/2012 13:01:46

What is rape and date rape?

Rape is sex you don't agree to, including forcing a body part or object into your vagina, rectum (bottom), or mouth. Date rape is when you are raped by someone you know, like a boyfriend. Both are crimes. Rape is not about sex. it is an act of power by the rapist and it is always wrong.

Date rape drugs, which often have no smell or taste, can be given to you without you knowing at parties or in a club, especially where alcohol is served. Alcohol can make you less aware of danger and make you less able to think clearly and resist sexual assault. If you are given date rape drugs, you may not be able to say "no" to unwanted sex and you may not be able to clearly remember what happened.

Remember: even if you were drinking, it is NOT your fault.
The above is from GirlsHealth.gov The site is owned and maintained by the Office on Women's Health in the Office of the Assistant Secretary for Health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. It's an official government site geared towards girls and young women between the ages 10 to 16 to "learn about health, growing up, and issues they may face. Girlshealth.gov promotes healthy and positive behaviors in girls, giving them reliable and useful health information in a fun, easy-to-understand way. The website also provides information to parents and educators to help them teach girls about healthy living."

Date Rape doesn't stop once a person turns 17. It's important that we have sites like this out there for the younger people in our nation. Date rape is Rape. It no less forceable or legitimate form of rape. Here are a few things about rape.
Myth: Rape is only committed by strangers in dark alleys and parking lots.
Fact: As many as 84 percent of women are raped by someone they know, such as friends, family or an acquaintance.

Myth: If a woman is raped, then she must have deserved it, especially if she agreed to go to the man's room or wore sexy clothing.
Fact: No one deserves to be raped. Being in a man's room or wearing revealing clothing does not mean a woman has agreed to have sex.

Myth: Women who don't physically fight back haven't been raped.
Fact: If a woman did not or could not consent to having sex, it is considered rape. Forcing a woman to have sex against her will, whether she physically fights back or not, is rape, plain and simple.
There are a lot more Myths and facts there. Here is another fact-- Not all women who are raped are quite mature enough to understand that they actually were raped. They aren't all over the age of 18. They may be female, but that doesn't automatically make them knowledgeable of what rape actually is.

Rape is sex you don't agree to, including forcing a body part or object into your vagina, rectum (bottom), or mouth.


Here are some more statistics:
For every 1,000 women attending college, there will be 35 incidents of rape in a given academic year.
51.8 percent of rapes occur after midnight.
62 percent of completed rapes occur by classmates or friends.
16 percent of male students who committed rape, and 10 percent of those who attempted rape, did so with at least one other attacker.
57 percent of rapes occur while out on a date.
Women are 10 times more likely than men to be victims of rape or sexual assault.

The GOP has been attempting to redefine what rape is. "Legitimate", "forceable" are a few terms that we have seen tossed around the past few days. There is a definite idea that some rapes are more serious than others according to people like Paul Ryan. People like him believe abortion access should only be if the life of the pregnant women is in danger-- people like Paul Ryan like to say the word mother-- except, they aren't-- they are pregnant. In the eyes of some men, if a rape isn't forceable, a woman should not have access to abortion should she become pregnant. Rape and incest are not a good enough reason for them to allow a woman to have access to an abortion. To them, Date rape isn't even a legitimate rape because often times, it's not forceful rape in their view. A 13 year old girl who may not know what sex is gets raped by a neighbor, possibly one she trusted -- and it is not longer really a rape. In the meantime we have the federal government saying it is. How do we teach our young women with such conflicting messages?

In other words, if a woman was raped by an acquaintance, that rape didn't really happen. What kind of message does this send to our nations youth? What type of message does it send when we tell women : IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT only to find out that now it suddenly IS their fault because they were not "forcibly" raped?

It sends the message that their history is no longer legitimate in the eyes of other people. Imagine that for a minute. Read this person's story
On a rainy night, whose events I'd suppressed for years until hearing a report about date rape on NPR brought it back.

Following a big exam, my resident advisor (RA) treated his rugby friends and me to a beer at a neighborhood roadhouse. After we returned to the dorm and said our goodnights, there was a knock at my door. The rugby team captain asked if he could sleep on my roommate's vacant bed, since it would be such a rainy walk up campus.

I still don't know why I let him in. I was not drunk; I remember every minute of the next hour. I said no, he said yes. I struggled; he was the rugby player. When he had finished raping me, he went back to his dorm in the rain. I remember him calling the next day to 'see how I was' I remember hearing people laughing in the background.

He was the friend of my RA, someone I respected. It didn't make sense. I told no one. I stayed in my nightgown the whole next day.

For years I thought that by letting the guy in, I was somehow complicit in the crime.
According to Paul Ryan and Todd Akin, that rape was not legitimate or forceable enough.

I'm glad you have read this far.....

I've been thinking a lot about this. I am horrified and astounded that these people would put the burden of rape back on women, as if it is our fault. I'm angry. It is personal for me; I am a rape survivor. I knew my attacker. For a period of time, I too thought I was complicit. According to the GOP, my rape never happened. That means my recovery, my education, my knowledge of what happened to me in 1986 didn't really happen. That is my history, and I am proud of my history, warts and all. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, and I am not a victim anymore. I am stronger because of what I unfortunately went through. Given a choice, I would rather have chosen to be strong without being raped. This is who I am. I went to Planned Parenthood and got the help I needed after I was raped. It changed my life, in many ways for the better. I have chosen to take my experiences to advocate for others that may have gone through what I did, or to prevent it from happening to people in my life.

The thing is, you know people who have been raped. They may not be telling you for whatever reason they choose. The least of these reasons should be shame. I don't want people to be told that what happened to them really didn't happen. That is cruel. It also can be deadly.

I resent the Republican party for trying to erase my history and the history of every woman that has ever been raped. How we choose to go forward should be our choice, not defined by a radical ideology that I would call rape deniers. Don't let them do that to us.

Don't let them take away my history. Thank you for letting me share it.


and
Raine

 

 

 
 
 

91 comments (Latest Comment: 08/24/2012 00:55:13 by BobR)
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Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 13:05:53


Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 13:08:34
Wow...

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:13:10
Thanks guys.

This was not easy for me to write, but after 26 years, it was time.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:14:22
Morning

So I saw this last night - been in a funk since,

Electoral College Predicts Romney Win

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:15:41
RAINE!

Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 13:16:18
Raine....can you get the media interested in this blog? Even a local site, like Patch or something? This needs a wider circulation than our little corner of the internets.

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:19:18
Quote by TriSec:
Raine....can you get the media interested in this blog? Even a local site, like Patch or something? This needs a wider circulation than our little corner of the internets.
Let me think on it.

I wasn't even sure if I could write it this morning. I had a long talk with bob about this one, and his full support. This morning when I woke up I wasn't sure if I had it in me. Thing is, I am not ashamed to talk to people about it -- it is hard to put it to words.

I never told my parents. I don't want to hurt my mom.


Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:19:57
Ok, for some reason I can't share this on FB - getting some sort of Chrome error

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:21:06
Plus, I am waiting for BobR to read it. He's still on route to the office.


Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:21:35
Quote by wickedpam:
Ok, for some reason I can't share this on FB - getting some sort of Chrome error
Let me adjust the title, it could be the colon.



Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:22:59
Try it now, MAla.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:23:46
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Ok, for some reason I can't share this on FB - getting some sort of Chrome error
Let me adjust the title, it could be the colon.




no worries, I'll wait until you guys share it first

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:27:42
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Ok, for some reason I can't share this on FB - getting some sort of Chrome error
Let me adjust the title, it could be the colon.




no worries, I'll wait until you guys share it first
I shared it. I figure Bobber can still edit it when he gets in the office.


Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:29:50
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Ok, for some reason I can't share this on FB - getting some sort of Chrome error
Let me adjust the title, it could be the colon.




no worries, I'll wait until you guys share it first
I shared it. I figure Bobber can still edit it when he gets in the office.



must be my computer doing something weird, still can't share

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:30:50
FB said you shared it.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:31:12
forgot I could just share straight from FB

having a day already

Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 13:32:32
Oh, and I'll want to put this out to Newsvine later today.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:33:21
a year ago today

http://blindgossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011-virginia-earthquake.jpg


Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:33:52
Quote by TriSec:
Oh, and I'll want to put this out to Newsvine later today.
That's fine, Tri.



Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:34:11
Quote by wickedpam:
a year ago today

http://blindgossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011-virginia-earthquake.jpg



Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 13:38:09
I'm still processing. So many things swirling in my brain.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:38:18
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
a year ago today

http://blindgossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011-virginia-earthquake.jpg




suppose I shouldn't joke, Washington Monument is still closed, the Nat. Cathedral got some bad damage and the people down in Mineral, VA are still shaken (no pun intended) up. Just in comparing it to CA its kinda funny the way everyone panicked around here

Comment by BobR on 08/23/2012 13:44:12
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

So I saw this last night - been in a funk since,

Electoral College Predicts Romney Win

This map says differently: Electoral Map Prediction

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:48:23
Quote by BobR:
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

So I saw this last night - been in a funk since,

Electoral College Predicts Romney Win

This map says differently: Electoral Map Prediction



I like that one and the one at Real Clear Politics better, just still really feeling unsettled. It shouldn't be this close and I can't understand why it is.

Its not like it used to be when your opponent won, you didn't feel like they were actively out to hurt people. Just feel like if they win the attitude of "I've got mine and screw you" is going to worse.

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 13:50:48
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by BobR:
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

So I saw this last night - been in a funk since,

Electoral College Predicts Romney Win

This map says differently: Electoral Map Prediction



I like that one and the one at Real Clear Politics better, just still really feeling unsettled. It shouldn't be this close and I can't understand why it is.

Its not like it used to be when your opponent won, you didn't feel like they were actively out to hurt people. Just feel like if they win the attitude of "I've got mine and screw you" is going to worse.

POlls aren't what they used to be, Mala.

Don;t be complacent, but know the media needs a narrative -- and havingaclose race helps ratings.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 13:51:27
Quote by wickedpam:
a year ago today

http://blindgossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2011-virginia-earthquake.jpg



It is funny Mala. Trust me.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 13:52:47
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by BobR:
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

So I saw this last night - been in a funk since,

Electoral College Predicts Romney Win

This map says differently: Electoral Map Prediction



I like that one and the one at Real Clear Politics better, just still really feeling unsettled. It shouldn't be this close and I can't understand why it is.

Its not like it used to be when your opponent won, you didn't feel like they were actively out to hurt people. Just feel like if they win the attitude of "I've got mine and screw you" is going to worse.

POlls aren't what they used to be, Mala.

Don;t be complacent, but know the media needs a narrative -- and havingaclose race helps ratings.


it does and I don't rule that out


Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 14:03:26
538.com has Obama ahead right now, too.

They called 2008 perfectly; I'm inclined to believe most of their data.


Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 14:04:08
Raine, I said I was processing. The best way for me to verbalize your revalation is word salad. Scary. Sympathy. Anger. Strength. Wonderful person. I can't this clearly, sorry

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 14:04:55
Quote by TriSec:
538.com has Obama ahead right now, too.

They called 2008 perfectly; I'm inclined to believe most of their data.



That is who I would rely on as well. Mr. Silver is wicked smart.

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 14:13:19
Quote by Mondobubba:
Raine, I said I was processing. The best way for me to verbalize your revalation is word salad. Scary. Sympathy. Anger. Strength. Wonderful person. I can't this clearly, sorry
Aww, Mondo. Thank you.

I appreciate the sympathy, but I am long past the point of wanting it -- hope that makes sense. This (and I say this with true love and respect) is why I was nervous about sharing the story. As I said, it was time to share it because what they are trying to do is tell me that what happened to me didn't happen. That pisses me off.

I don't want anyone to think any differently of me. That said, I perhaps should welcome empathy, I suppose. Maybe that is part of the journey for me? Who knows. Maybe I thought that journey was over, but clearly it's not -- Feeling the need to share this was a little more important than I thought.






Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 14:18:05
Quote by Raine:

Maybe I thought that journey was over, but clearly it's not.




This is the issue. You put this behind you, but the GOP is not satisfied to let it rest. I don't understand what they are trying to do, except hold onto power in a Gotterdamerung/Downfall style of collapse and desperation.

This election needs to change focus. No offense, but screw the economy. Obama wants to win, women's issues should be on his lips every minute of every day from here on in. And I wish he would get hoppin' mad about this.



Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 14:19:11
Quote by Raine:
Quote by Mondobubba:
Raine, I said I was processing. The best way for me to verbalize your revalation is word salad. Scary. Sympathy. Anger. Strength. Wonderful person. I can't this clearly, sorry
Aww, Mondo. Thank you.

I appreciate the sympathy, but I am long past the point of wanting it -- hope that makes sense. This (and I say this with true love and respect) is why I was nervous about sharing the story. As I said, it was time to share it because what they are trying to do is tell me that what happened to me didn't happen. That pisses me off.

I don't want anyone to think any differently of me. That said, I perhaps should welcome empathy, I suppose. Maybe that is part of the journey for me? Who knows. Maybe I thought that journey was over, but clearly it's not -- Feeling the need to share this was a little more important than I thought.







Now that the brain is really kicking in, what you said about the journey is something else that comes to mind. The person you are is the some total of all the experiences you've had. The good and the bad. What you do with them is the important thing. As a wise man said, "Ain't no shame in holding on to grief. What you do with it is what matters." That sentiment can be applied to any circumstance.

Comment by Scoopster on 08/23/2012 14:23:07
Mornin' all & Happy FriThursdee!

Huddle 'round bloggeristas, because we're about to have a Newsroom moment. Well okay not quite, but close! Without further delay, THE REAL BREAKING NEWS!

Iceland proves convincingly that ANTI-AUSTERITY and ANTI-CORPORATE WELFARE measures work

Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 14:25:21
I am saddened to report that my "miracle radio" seems to be on its last legs.

And the Sox shall not win again.



Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 14:28:44
Quote by TriSec:
I am saddened to report that my "miracle radio" seems to be on its last legs.

And the Sox shall not win again.




Bummer. You know I had a friend who gave his leg so the Sox could win, right?

Comment by Scoopster on 08/23/2012 14:34:03
BTW Raine, seriously EXCELLENT & moving piece of writing today.

Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 14:37:52
Quote by TriSec:
Quote by Raine:

Maybe I thought that journey was over, but clearly it's not.




This is the issue. You put this behind you, but the GOP is not satisfied to let it rest. I don't understand what they are trying to do, except hold onto power in a Gotterdamerung/Downfall style of collapse and desperation.

This election needs to change focus. No offense, but screw the economy. Obama wants to win, women's issues should be on his lips every minute of every day from here on in. And I wish he would get hoppin' mad about this.

While I say that I thought the journey was behind me, the experience never was.

Strange thought. My journey was from being raped to not letting it me hurt me as a woman, a person. When I reconciled that I was not guilty of 'allowing a man to rape me', a good portion of that journey ended. I am afraid that we are returning to a period of women thinking they deserved it.

I wanted to take that experience and do something with it. I never wanted to bury it away, it always stayed there right under the surface -- available to anyone who needed it.

Obama has to deal with a shitload of issues on any given day. I think he is doing everything he can for women, under the circumstances.



Comment by Raine on 08/23/2012 14:38:38
Quote by Scoopster:
BTW Raine, seriously EXCELLENT & moving piece of writing today.

Thank you, Scoop.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 14:49:26
Comment by BobR on 08/23/2012 14:56:47
Quote by TriSec:
I am saddened to report that my "miracle radio" seems to be on its last legs.

And the Sox shall not win again.




Comment by Scoopster on 08/23/2012 14:58:26
Quote by TriSec:
I am saddened to report that my "miracle radio" seems to be on its last legs.

And the Sox shall not win again.

From this day forth, the miracle radio shall be known by the name Carl Crawford!

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 15:01:17
Quote by Raine:
Quote by TriSec:
Quote by Raine:

Maybe I thought that journey was over, but clearly it's not.




This is the issue. You put this behind you, but the GOP is not satisfied to let it rest. I don't understand what they are trying to do, except hold onto power in a Gotterdamerung/Downfall style of collapse and desperation.

This election needs to change focus. No offense, but screw the economy. Obama wants to win, women's issues should be on his lips every minute of every day from here on in. And I wish he would get hoppin' mad about this.

While I say that I thought the journey was behind me, the experience never was.

Strange thought. My journey was from being raped to not letting it me hurt me as a woman, a person. When I reconciled that I was not guilty of 'allowing a man to rape me', a good portion of that journey ended. I am afraid that we are returning to a period of women thinking they deserved it.

I wanted to take that experience and do something with it. I never wanted to bury it away, it always stayed there right under the surface -- available to anyone who needed it.

Obama has to deal with a shitload of issues on any given day. I think he is doing everything he can for women, under the circumstances.




I totally get what you are saying. I look at the negative things that happen as branches in a road. You can go down the easier road which, in my mind is wallowing in the negativity. When you go down the harder road, which to me is the journey of self-discovery, you take strength from the negative, and move past it.

Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 15:04:35
Quote by Mondobubba:
Tampa! What a shithole!


Awesome.

You all spent $15bn on infrastructure here in my city, which had and still has a multitude of issues, but those cardinal improvements to the downtown core have been absolutely transformative.

Boston always was a walking city, but now with the greenway, big airy vistas, and yes, the dreaded "smart growth" going on....well, you look at where we stand in the recovery and you tell me.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/23/2012 15:17:04
"Its tribal" that's it on the head. THanks Mudcat. It is tribal.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 15:39:21
Quote by TriSec:
Quote by Mondobubba:
Tampa! What a shithole!


Awesome.

You all spent $15bn on infrastructure here in my city, which had and still has a multitude of issues, but those cardinal improvements to the downtown core have been absolutely transformative.

Boston always was a walking city, but now with the greenway, big airy vistas, and yes, the dreaded "smart growth" going on....well, you look at where we stand in the recovery and you tell me.



This is what I just don't get about conservatives/Republicans. They are all about the adage it takes money to make money. When you make civic improvements (spending money to make the citiy livable for example) businessess come back to the city center, tax revenue is generated, rents and other income for businesses goes up and everybody wins. Sounds like a plan to me.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 15:45:17
Quote by TriSec:
Quote by Mondobubba:
Tampa! What a shithole!


Awesome.

You all spent $15bn on infrastructure here in my city, which had and still has a multitude of issues, but those cardinal improvements to the downtown core have been absolutely transformative.

Boston always was a walking city, but now with the greenway, big airy vistas, and yes, the dreaded "smart growth" going on....well, you look at where we stand in the recovery and you tell me.



I've likened Jacksonville to a series of suburbs looking for a city.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/23/2012 15:51:28
Ohh Tri! I am talking to a Revere Lunkhead!

Comment by TriSec on 08/23/2012 15:59:23
Quote by Mondobubba:
Ohh Tri! I am talking to a Revere Lunkhead!



I believe our local terminology would be a "ding-dong". Saugonians are "twinkies".



Comment by BobR on 08/23/2012 16:02:42
Quote by Mondobubba:
Quote by TriSec:
Quote by Mondobubba:
Tampa! What a shithole!


Awesome.

You all spent $15bn on infrastructure here in my city, which had and still has a multitude of issues, but those cardinal improvements to the downtown core have been absolutely transformative.

Boston always was a walking city, but now with the greenway, big airy vistas, and yes, the dreaded "smart growth" going on....well, you look at where we stand in the recovery and you tell me.



This is what I just don't get about conservatives/Republicans. They are all about the adage it takes money to make money. When you make civic improvements (spending money to make the citiy livable for example) businessess come back to the city center, tax revenue is generated, rents and other income for businesses goes up and everybody wins. Sounds like a plan to me.

That's socialism! The proper approach is to cut corporate taxes and essentially give everything away to businesses so that they will create private-sector jobs, thus increasing the tax base.

Metaphor: Giving Big Business the goose, assuming they'll toss a golden egg your way.