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A Dark Place
Author: clintster    Date: 08/13/2014 12:48:52

"Robin Williams has died"

Four words I never thought I would ever hear, read, or utter. I suppose that might be foolish of me to say; after all, Robin was over a decade older than me and statistically likely to pass away before I did. However, it just didn't seem possible that someone so talented, so vivacious, so beloved could die.

When the sheriff's department confirmed that he had died by his own hand, it further sent a chill through my soul. I knew that he had been battling depression throughout his career. I knew that he was struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol long before I became fully aware of these problems. Still in all, I figured that he could rise above and continue as the man I knew, loved, and respected for many years to come.

Unfortunately, Robin' Williams life proved too much for him. His recent television series had been cancelled after a lackluster season. He was trying to move through the pain of two divorces, and had recently put his home up for sale. In late June, he even checked into an addiction rehabilitation facility, ostensibly for "continued sobriety".

It seems that he was overwhelmed by everything that went on around him and could not take it any more. Yet as I looked through reactions online following the announcement of his passing, I found scattered amongst the innumerable reminiscences and expressions of grief a smattering of intolerance for his depression and what it led to.

There were those who viewed his suicide as a "selfish" or "cowardly" act. Others decried it and the causal depression as symptoms of a "Hollywood culture" gone terribly wrong. Still others seemed to be shocked that a man who spent his entire life working to make people laugh could be so miserable as to consider suicide as an option.

Having been diagnosed with depression, and gone through similar experiences as Robin Williams over the past two years, I can understand what must have gone through his mind over the last few months of his life. One other post/quote/whatever that I saw over the past day or so was from people who claimed that they were depressed but "got over it".

Depression is not always something you just "get over". Sometimes it is situational and can be alleviated. Most of the time, however, serious depression is a chronic mental disorder. It can cripple someone emotionally and physically. More often than not a person suffering from chronic depression can put on a brave face for a while and seem like everything's fine, even if they are torn up inside.

Sometimes depression can be managed, through different means. A person may live a "normal" life span with depression without ever deciding to end it all. Other times someone may decide to self-medicate in order to make the pain go away. Robin Williams went more than six decades without resorting to suicide. This makes him neither a "weak" person nor a "hero". He lasted longer than others; unfortunately he was unable to quell the urges to leave us all early.

Hopefully, in future years, the greatest memory of Robin Williams will be that of an incredibly gifted comedian and actor, as someone who could be hilarious in one turn and heartbreakingly serious in the next. It is my wish that in future years he be remembered more for his giving and his devotion to charitable causes than for the way in which he left this plane of existence. As the shock of his death subsides, please take a moment and remember the good things he did. While you do, though, please remember that depression does not always lead to suicide, and that you can help someone in trouble.

1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline


 

13 comments (Latest Comment: 08/13/2014 21:40:58 by clintster)
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Comment by Scoopster on 08/13/2014 13:56:46
Mornin' all..

It's a pretty damn soggy day here in 'Vo Dilun'. I think I left my big golf-size umbrella at the game shop so I had to use this one I bought as a backup. The package said "Oversize", but unfortunately I know the true definition of that word and this thing wasn't it!

At least my feet are still dry.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/13/2014 13:59:27
This is something I posted on FB yesterdee:

Lemme see, my dad's eldest brother, committed suicide, next oldest brother self-medicated with booze, dad took antidepressants. my brother is taking them and sees a therapist, I take antidepressants and have seen a therapist. My cousin (middle brother on father's side, the one that was self-medicating with booze) she's on antidepressants and goes to Al-Anon to help cope with her father's drinking. So yeah, my dad's side of the family is prone to depression. It is a daily thing to deal with, the Green Beast ( my name for it). He is there every morning when I get up. I beat him by getting out of bed, he is there when I go to work, I beat him by doing my job. He is there in the quiet of the late evening too It is then when I say fuck you, buddy you don't get me. I beat him more days than not, but sometimes he wins. My friends are there for me they help pull up and make me feel better. Katy, Tim, Stevo, Nanny, & Erica you are my go to team. I love you guys. My derby family rocks. You make life special.


My local friends as well as you fine people do a lot to keep me on an even keel.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/13/2014 14:00:12
Quote by Scoopster:
Mornin' all..

It's a pretty damn soggy day here in 'Vo Dilun'. I think I left my big golf-size umbrella at the game shop so I had to use this one I bought as a backup. The package said "Oversize", but unfortunately I know the true definition of that word and this thing wasn't it!

At least my feet are still dry.



Yippee for "oversize" back up umbrellas.

Comment by wickedpam on 08/13/2014 14:08:41
Quote by Mondobubba:
This is something I posted on FB yesterdee:

Lemme see, my dad's eldest brother, committed suicide, next oldest brother self-medicated with booze, dad took antidepressants. my brother is taking them and sees a therapist, I take antidepressants and have seen a therapist. My cousin (middle brother on father's side, the one that was self-medicating with booze) she's on antidepressants and goes to Al-Anon to help cope with her father's drinking. So yeah, my dad's side of the family is prone to depression. It is a daily thing to deal with, the Green Beast ( my name for it). He is there every morning when I get up. I beat him by getting out of bed, he is there when I go to work, I beat him by doing my job. He is there in the quiet of the late evening too It is then when I say fuck you, buddy you don't get me. I beat him more days than not, but sometimes he wins. My friends are there for me they help pull up and make me feel better. Katy, Tim, Stevo, Nanny, & Erica you are my go to team. I love you guys. My derby family rocks. You make life special.


My local friends as well as you fine people do a lot to keep me on an even keel.



Learned, the one time as an adult I got to sit and talk with dad, that his mother was institutionalized for mental health issues. I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from depression and have been for a long time. Do not want any mediation.

I feel the same way as you Mondo, the few friends I have, and that includes ya'll, are the reason I keep moving forward. That and my mother's nagging.

Comment by Raine on 08/13/2014 14:45:52
Hello everyone! Clint thank you for such a wonderful honest and heartbreaking blog.

I agree and identify with all of it.

Comment by Raine on 08/13/2014 14:47:23
I posted this on the BoF late last night and I think it is a spectacular read that fits in very well with today's blog.

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/13/2014 15:05:39
Irony!

"If O Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby, they would name it this exact situation!"
-Sterling Archer "Training Day"

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/13/2014 15:23:57
Quote by Raine:
I posted this on the BoF late last night and I think it is a spectacular read that fits in very well with today's blog.



Weigel nails it!

Comment by Scoopster on 08/13/2014 15:29:56
Carpet cleaners showed up at our office building, so the boss took us out to this lil southern-style place for breakfast. mmm grits!

Comment by Mondobubba on 08/13/2014 15:31:41
Quote by Scoopster:
Carpet cleaners showed up at our office building, so the boss took us out to this lil southern-style place for breakfast. mmm grits!


Sounds wonderful. Grits mmm, yeah!

Comment by livingonli on 08/13/2014 17:59:08
For what Rush said about Robin Williams' death, is it wrong to wish that he had died on the toilet?

Comment by Scoopster on 08/13/2014 19:53:58


Had to unfriend a RL buddy of mine on Facebook a few minutes ago.

Not just because he was defending Rush and saying that the stuff he said about RW was true.

Not just because baselessly claimed that everyone involved in our conversation besides himself was 'sucking the government teet'.

Not because he discounted the boycotts of Rushbo's advertisers as pointless and the actions of a small minority; that despite the boycott he was still the #1 syndicated talk radio show since 1991 and that a majority of the country listened (HA!)..

Yes, because he claimed that all 'educated people' listen to Rush, and anyone who didn't was stupid. Including everyone in the conversation besides himself. I warned him about this before hitting that button, but he just threw it back in my face.

I tried friends, I really tried.

Comment by clintster on 08/13/2014 21:40:58
Quote by Scoopster:


Had to unfriend a RL buddy of mine on Facebook a few minutes ago.

Not just because he was defending Rush and saying that the stuff he said about RW was true.

Not just because baselessly claimed that everyone involved in our conversation besides himself was 'sucking the government teet'.

Not because he discounted the boycotts of Rushbo's advertisers as pointless and the actions of a small minority; that despite the boycott he was still the #1 syndicated talk radio show since 1991 and that a majority of the country listened (HA!)..

Yes, because he claimed that all 'educated people' listen to Rush, and anyone who didn't was stupid. Including everyone in the conversation besides himself. I warned him about this before hitting that button, but he just threw it back in my face.

I tried friends, I really tried.

I ended up doing that last year to a man I knew for over 20 years, who I considered a friend. It was over the George Zimmerman acquittal. Now, he had peppered my Facebook with borderline trolling for several years, but when it came to Trayvon, I could not contain myself. I expressed anger over the verdict, and he continually tried to goad me by questioning whether I had watched the entire trial. Rather than get into one more pointless argument with him where he would call Trayvon a punk and a thug, I unfriended him.

He still apparently follows me on FB (I'm not sure how to completely block him in that case). He tried to refriend me a week or so after I dropped him, but I rejected it. Life's too short.