A brief(and histerical) look at the rising stars of the republican party.

First on our list of Rising stars is Mrs. Palin. That’s right, Govern of Alaska. Mother of who the hell knows how many kids, married to a snow machine(whatever the hell that is) driver. Grandmother. And all around perfect example of a wolf in MILF’s clothing. Palin’s rise to fame came when she was plucked from the boonies of Alaska, and I don’t care if it was an actual city, Alaska by definition, is a boonie.

Rising Star or not, even loyal republicans started to get headaches when she talked, also, too, as well. Sarah Palin as successfully drove every English major to the bottle, thus making Jack and Johnny stocks shoot through the roof. Which may or may not be a bad thing, I haven’t decided yet. But the final word on Palin, I shall leave to one of her supporters. “…when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.” There is no fighting such devotion. Men like this should be put down for their own sake.

Next Rising star. Michael Steele, while technically not a rising star, certainly a major player with hopes to win the white house, yo. See Michael Steele is a black guy, see, and there aren’t many in the GOP, got it. So he’s gonna bring some of the blackness in full force, G. He ain’t gonna let the white guy hold him down no mores. Can’t you just see the campaign slogans now? Vote Steele in 2012, yo. Or. Fer sure, I’m voting for Steele. Or. (Warning, not sane safe) Steele is my Nigga, Dawg

Rising (or crashing, not sure which) star Number 3 is Piyush "Bobby" Jindal. Seems to be a weird creature of the republicans. He’s not quite white so they hate him, but he’s not quite black so he’s not untrustworthy. And of course who’s ever heard of this Hinduism crap? Who is he, Apu from the Simpsons? So as a smart move, in college he started calling himself Bobby. Which would be cool if he got it from someone cool. But…He’s named after a Brady Bunch character. While most sane people are now gouging out their eyes, the GOP is going “maybe he’s just got a tan”. After all, they can vote for the Tan man, they can vote for a really dark skinned white guy.

In the end though, Jindal should be remember for one thing. In college, when he converted to Christianity, he thought it was a good and wise thing to perform and exorcism on his girlfriend/not girlfriend. I’m sure you’ve heard of that, right? Well I’ll give you a brief rundown of the story. In college Jindal was dating/not dating a girl. One day she broke down crying. She confessed to him she had some sort of cancer(so the story goes). Now Jindal thought it was strange and out of character for her to be crying. So he thought she was possessed. Hence the Exorcism. Granted, this is just the story I read. I could be missing something, but this is basically what I took away from it. Jindal is bat-shit insane, with no empathy.

So, Here are our rising stars. Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, without the annoying liberal tendancies, or hated husband of a president. Michael Steele, Barack Obama, without the weird name, sure ancestroy, and the whitest black man on the planet. And Bobby Jindal, the whitest male they could come up with.

Well, I’ll be the first to say it. If this is what they got, We’re fucked.