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The Candidates, Part 7
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 2011-06-26 05:47:28

Tim Pawlenty is not your average GOP candidate for President; not that he doesn’t believe in balancing a budget by reducing taxes on the rich and corporations like every other Republican, rather, he is the only candidate that has not written a book about himself. *

[UPDATE: * Correction. Seems Tim did indeed write a book called “Courage to Stand”, but no one read it.]

T-Paw, as he likes to call himself to appear “cool” and “hip” is the former 39th Governor of the blue state of Minnesota. Though he was a Republican Governor of a blue state, served as the chairman of the National Governors Association and was mentioned as a possible contender for nominee John McCain as his VP pick in 2008, little is known about Pawlenty due to the fact that many people can't seem hold there attention around him. In fact, more than one journalist trying to interview Gov. Pawlenty has fallen asleep, fainted, quit their job or, in one tragic case, committed suicide.

So little is known about the man that we can only speculate about him based on what he achieved (or didn’t) as Governor. Personally, we have heard that he is married to a woman, and the same one at that, and has some children that we believe may be girl(s). He is either Roman Catholic or Baptist, but we can confirm that he is NOT Mormon. It appears that he may not have a drinking problem or any arrests. His college peers do not recall him.

As Governor he was able to erase a huge state budget deficit by borrowing money from other progams like a Health Care plan for the poor and from education funding for K-6 without raising a dime in taxes. Though, it did destroy Minnesota’s bond ratings and property taxes tripled.

Another way the T-Paw tried to raise money without raising taxes was to strike a deal with the 11 tribes of Native Americans in Minnesota. Since the Minnesota Constitution prohibits state-run gambling outside of Native territory, Pawlenty proposed negotiating with the tribes over profit sharing of their casinos. The tribes were understandably not thrilled with the idea and told Pawlenty not to come back onto their land. Ever.

One controversy during his Governorship involved actually raising taxes, in this case a sales tax. T-Paw was able to find funds for a new stadium for the Minnesota Twins by raising county sales taxes without input from the public. The tax pushed by the Hennepin County commissioners did not feel a referendum was necessary, and Pawlenty and the Legislature agreed, citing the fact that the public should have expected it, because it’s a baseball stadium and that’s the way all states raise money for rich sports owners to have a place to play and thereby exempted the county from state law requiring one in the bill. The Twins still suck to this day.

As stated earlier, Tim was considered by many to be John McCain’s VP pick, but McCain had to opt for his second choice when no one could find Tim Pawlenty. His staff had lost track of him and since no one followed him on Twitter they didn’t know where he was.

So tedious is this man, that when he announced that he was running for President on CNN, no one noticed and CNN didn’t really pick up on the fact. He later “officially” announced on his Facebook page.

Tim Pawlenty for President in 2012: He can win if you can stay awake long enough to vote!
 

6 comments (Latest Comment: 06/26/2011 18:49:01 by Raine)
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