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Flori-DUH
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 06/03/2012 14:20:14

Florida, the sunshine state. When we think of Florida we dream of laying on the sand on a sunny day under an umbrella with a cold fruity beverage in our hand, a breeze keeps us cool while we listen to the soft waves of the ocean and the purr of our hunky shirt-less Cuban rental as he gently massages our feet. Or, we think of the excellent, yet junkie, food and thrilling rides at Disney World and Universal Studios and the consequences when you combine the two. We also think of the exciting nightlife and restaurants on South Beach and Little Havana and the Strip in Fort Lauderdale or Bikers Week in Daytona where one can get a tattoo and herpes on the same day.

Lately the state that gave us great drinkers and thinkers like Jimmy Buffet, Ernest Hemmingway and Pat Boone as well as great minds like Anita Bryant, Ted Bundy and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, has also been giving us a headache with all their purging.

And Velveeta does not speak of purging in a good way, where you eat and drink whatever you want and still keep your size 2. No, she means this silly Governor Rick Scott who is telling some people they cannot vote!

Now, it’s fine to purge off the list those that are actual aliens. Aliens should really stick to matters that concern their own planet, but a 90 year old WW2 vet? That’s correct. Bill Internicola, a 91-yar-old World War II veteran who was born and raised in Brooklyn, and now lives in Florida's Broward County recently received a letter from county elections officials asking him to show proof he was a U.S. citizen or be removed from the voting rolls. Well, I’ll bet he was surprised and disappointed to find out he wasn’t a US citizen!

But he was only one of more than 180,000 names Florida's secretary of state identified from motor vehicle records as possible non-citizens. Recently the secretary's office sent county elections supervisors a first batch of some 2,600 names. County officials, who are also preparing for the state's August primary, started sending out letters to suspected non-citizens, saying they had 30 days to prove their citizenship or be removed from the voting rolls. We are not sure what aroused their suspicions, but we suspect that anyone with a name that sounds, um, not “American” (think white) might make that list. See, our WWII vet had a funny name, Internicola. No doubt he’s not from here.

This whole thing really brings up many questions, notably:

-Who really is “American” other than, you know, the one’s that were here first?

-Where was Rick Scott born and can he prove it?

-Why do they wait until now to purge these names? Couldn’t this process be ongoing and have started months or years ago?

-Why do they have only 30 days to respond to this allegation?

-Shouldn’t you have proven you’re a citizen long before you register to vote? Like while getting your drivers license or state ID?

-Why would a non-citizen register to vote anyway? Why would they care about our elections?

-Why stop at purging them from the voting records; if they are not citizens and here illegally as may be the case, why not start the deportation process? (I’d like to see them try to deport Mr. Internicola).

Last week the Justice Department realized they are allowed to enforce laws and actually had the tenacity to write a letter to Florida state officials politely asking them to please reconsider this purging. Yesterday Florida shot back a resounding NO. Florida is a bully. Why do they pick on the poor Feds like that? Honestly…..

Yes, I know what your all thinking, “isn’t Florida part of the states in the ‘united states’ and aren't they obligated to listen to the Justice Dept?” But Florida makes its own rules. In fact, they responded to the Justice Dept by email (!) saying, “We have a year-round obligation to ensure the integrity of Florida's elections. We will be responding to (the Justice Department's) concerns next week," Chris Cate said in an email message. Later for you, says Florida. And also "suck on this..."

I guess Florida is now also known as the fuck you state. I mean, this is the state that has a really cool law that prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. I mean, who would come up with that?

Florida has brilliant criminals like this guy who recently stole a Judge’s nameplate off the bench and posted a picture of himself with it on his Facebook page! I mean, what would you do with a nameplate anyway? But, hey, at least he can vote. This actually begs a new question, why are we purging non-citizens but not stupid people? Shouldn’t we really focus on stupid people voting? Stupid people will vote stupidly while at least non citizens will care about their future in the place where they’ve decided to live. Though I don’t suppose Rick Scott and the Florida Republican Party will ever consider purging stupid people. They’d never win another election. Alas.

Anyway, I have also found a few names they should look into because they either sound suspiciously foreign (SSF) or because they are black (BL):

Mike Haridopolos, District 26, Senate President. (SSF)
Marco Rubio, United States Senator. Totally not from here! (SSF)
Allen West (BL)
Mario Diaz-Balart, double name is always a sure sign of non citizen status. (SSF)

Someone check into these guys asap!
 

12 comments (Latest Comment: 06/04/2012 01:59:05 by BobR)
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