Are you angry with your government? Sick and tired of the news blaring this weeks crisis and party bickering while no work gets done and you suffer? Well, just in time for tax season, you should join the TEA PARTY MOVEMENT!

That's right, Velveeta is here today to instruct you on how to become a Teabagger™ a purely grass roots movement that has no ties to any political party and was started by real Americans like the Koch Brothers and members of the tobacco industry and moved along by Fox News, who saw the need for Americans to get up and fight!

It's easy to become a teabagger if you follow these simple steps.

1. Are you white? While being white is not a pre-requisite for membership, it does help. And the paler the better. Velveeta has been blessed by being so white that she often disappears on foggy days. Overweight is also a plus; after all, a real American eats what they want, drinks what they want (32oz soda anyone?) and doesn't give a damn. Remember: only gay people go to the gym.

2. Learn, or unlearn, how to spell. Spelling is a sure sign that you may not have been home-schooled; worse, you may have attended college which would make you a liberal. There is nothing worse than being a liberal, unless you're a black, hispanic, gay liberal.

3. Acquire the mode of dress and personal style that is de rigueur to a teabagger. Ill-fitting shorts or over-sized sweatpants in red/white & blue, t-shirts with the obligatory Gadsden flag, American Eagle, or silk-screened Constitution that drape from your shoulders in the XXXX-L size like a snuggie, and tennis shoes made in China and purchased from the checkout line of the local Wal-greens. For your car, you should have it covered in bumper stickers like: "NoBama", "Taxed Enough Already", "Time for a Revolution"," Government should be small enough to fit in my gun" and of course, the Gadsden flag decal. (Poor Mr. Gadsden).

4. Believe in the Constitution and follow it to the letter! Remember God is in the Constitution at least 27 times and this is a Christian country. Don't like it? Move to Mexico you lib-tard.

5. Speaking of Constitution and God, remember that we have 2nd Amendment rights. These rights were given to us by our founding fathers and by God. I have the right to protect my home from my Government. I recently noticed that the 2nd says "arms" which can mean anything! And nothing says "Stay off my lawn" to my hippie neighbors than knowing that I might have weaponized anthrax, If that weren't enough there are also my handguns, shotguns, assault rifles, grenade launcher and bag of mixed up chemicals.

6. Know in your heart of hearts that Obama is racist, as well as a Fascist and a Socialist who was born and raised in Kenya. He hates the Constitution and wants to destroy America. He drove us into the 16.5 Gazillion dollar debt that we are currently in and is in league with his friends in China to hand America over to the Marxist Chinese. He is happy that Iran is making Nukes, and he hates our troops.

7. Listen to Glenn Beck at all times. Get his pod-casts, buy his books. Study his charts in depth, the longer you look at them, the more you'll see!

8. Get on Social media like Facebook and Twitter with handles like: Constitution Queen, John Galt's Guns, Patriots Voice, Patriot Lover, Patriot Patriot, Freedom Loving Lib Hater and the like. Spread your message like mad. Don't forget your "letters to the editor" of your local paper. When spreading your message don't forget this important point, it's "Democrat" never "Democratic" as in "Obama and the Democrat party are spending us to Hell" or "The democrat senate will never reduce the entitlements to their friends like the blacks and mexicans who are too lazy to get jobs"

9. Go to protests and carry signs. Don't forget your lawn chairs and scooters. Protesting is hard work.

10. Remember, as a teabagger you are not a member of any "party" per se and this movement is completely grass roots, always remind people of that as you spread our message of unity. Our main goal as teabaggers is to help our fellow American understand that Government will never help us - only hurt us, and that even though we don't go to church on a regular basis or ever, we absolutely believe in God and Jesus and that we should get our religion in schools. We love our fellow man as long as he or she is not free-loading off of our tax dollars, recycling or killing innocent fetus'.

Now go out and get some sweatpants and bumper-stickers!