Game of Moans. Author: velveeta jonesDate:07/13/2014 14:37:42
Seems there's this teevee show called Game of Thrones that everyone but Velveeta is watching. There is a book as well. While yours-truly did attempt to watch and read, if for no other reason than to join in the many conversations, I can report to you that the only thing she gained from watching and reading was a long and very deep sleep.
It's something about kings and queens (but not of the Gay/drag variety; though that would spice it up) and squires and bastards and so on and so forth. They all seem to live in places that sound like gated communities in Florida: Kings Landing, Storms End, Castlery Rock. According to Wikipedia it's all about things that start with the letter 'W' like Winter, Walls, Wolves, Wars, Whores, Weddings, which, by the way you shouldn't plan in the summer because "Winter is coming". At least that's the line of dialogue I kept hearing every time I'd wake up long enough to wipe away the drool and find the remote to switch the TV off.
Besides, why should we watch some TV show when we have our very own game going on right here in 'Merica?! I call it Game of Moans, due the fact that I am in a constant state of moaning, groaning, sighing and sometimes fits of rage, when hearing news of late. This can lead to strange reactions from onlookers that have often seen my inside my car stopped at a traffic light yelling and beating my steering wheel to death while alternately pulling out what's left of my hair.
We have a "king" according to many, that hails from a land across the sea in a place called Kenya. He rules with an iron fist and plans to take away our weaponry and forces us to have insurance. He taxes us to death and tells us we must marry our same sex friends for his own amusement.
On the other side, we have a royal knight who guards the House with a large war hammer. He colors his skin orange for reasons unknown; perhaps it's the seal of his family: a glass of scotch and a smoking cigarette against two crossed golf clubs which lay on a field of orange? I'm guessing here.
Anyway, this knight of orange wants to dethrone the King. But members of his House disagree on how to to this. Some want to mount their black-smoke spewing Pickups and ride into the Kingdom and force him from the throne using their long guns which they have every right to own and carry. They carry their long guns with them inside schools and parks and coffee shops; slung over their backs at the ready to defend the Realm as soon as the order is given. They are often seen drinking from overly large plastic cups that have the NASCAR insignia painted on them and their skin is often pale and pasty.
Others in the House and the Houses' council called "Fox News" want to see the King removed by trial and imprisoned or returned to Kenya across the great sea's from wence he came.
Our Lord of Orange has a better idea. He will sue the King. He will sue him for something. But what? What shall he sue him for? It keeps our Lord of Orange awake at night, roaming his chambers back and forth debating with himself. Perhaps he should have thought this matter through before announcing such a thing. But alas, our Lord of Orange has big mouth and a larger ego. He feels that some action is better than none to keep the peace in his House. Sure, there are important issues that the House could be doing to help the people of the realm; the commoners like the merchants, the servants, the teachers and even the whores. But this King is just so irksome! And the little people are still the powerless.
Meanwhile, throughout the Realm, small pockets of uprisings against the King and the common people are taking place. These usurpers are eerie unworldly creatures that roam the forests and many who have seen them claim that they are not of human flesh! Some of the commoners call them "Corporations", but others claim they are people just like you and I. Either way, they often have the ear and the favor of the Judges; and are the Judges trustworthy to the King or no? Many think not!
What shall happen to the King? Will the Lord of Orange sue the King and take hold of the realm, or will the maverick Lady of Alaska (Queen of Screech) outsmart both the King and the House and have her minions go rogue on the realm?
Will we ever know the outcome? Who is writing this crap? Can they write it faster?
So many questions. I think I'll just go back to seeing what those nutty Kardashians are up to.