Great News..... Author: velveeta jonesDate:11/09/2014 15:14:51
So, Velveeta sneaks into a secret meeting between Mitch McConnell, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, John Boehner and, for some unexplained reason, the newly elected Joni Ernst. Possibly because they wanted a woman's voice in the meeting? Or, maybe they just wanted someone to make sandwiches -- either way, maybe not the best choice.
Whoops, I used the 'c' word around her. My apologies to Senator Elect Ernst, it won't happen again.
First on the agenda: Get rid of unnecessary government programs. Obamacare, Social Security, the IRS, EPA, and Dept. of Education (naturally). Other items are, to reduce taxes - no doubt made easier without having that pesky IRS around, put an end to any talks of cap and trade and get busy creating thousands of jobs on the Keystone Pipeline! Yay!
Working on the Keystone Pipeline will bring great jobs to America for those that don't mind working for minimum wage, no insurance benefits and will be burdened by the weight of their AR-15 strapped onto their backs while they bend over to haul pipes around. Oh, did I mention that both Ted, Rand and Joni want it to be mandatory to strap high powered weapons on every Christian American from the age of six and up. School lockers will have to be re-sized to accommodate them.
What will our new America look like? Well, here's a picture that Rand and Mitch see in our future: If you're white you will wake up every morning in your nicely lawned home, strap on your guns and get into your pick-up truck to drive to your job while your wife stays home to educate your 4-8 children at home. Unless it's Sunday when you're in church. If you're an "immigrant" you just get up and catch the bus to one of your multiple jobs. If you're a black American just stay home and plot how to get your next big screen TV. If you're gay, hide.
Now about health insurance. There's really no problem here! Once the ACA is dismantled it'll just be like the good ol' days where you get your insurance through your employer, via your paycheck, and you get some basic coverage. I mean, what the heck was wrong with that? John Boehner never had a problem getting health insurance he snorted while taking a drag from his cigarette.
Regarding jobs. The job creators just cannot afford to pay workers more than the current minimum wage. Just not gonna happen. They'll be no more talk about 'living wages'; if one cannot live on the wages they make, there is another option says Ted Cruz, get another job! Man, some Americans can be so lazy.
Climate change. Uhm what?
In short, fear not America! The republican party is here to save you from the clutches of the lazy imperialist Obama. No more death panels, an end to Ebola patients running around freely and the gun collection policy will stop as of Feb. 1 2015.
Get gas for your pickup truck now, before prices go back up. And get ready for the new 'Merikka!