Dick Cheney's Night Before Christmas Author: velveeta jonesDate:12/21/2014 14:03:21
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the chamber not a captive was moaning, it couldn’t have been lamer. The black hoods were hung o’er each prisoners eyes with hopes there’d be no talk of violent demise
The contractors were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of torture all danced in their heads And Lynne with her nightcap and I with my whip had just settled in after quite a long trip
When out on the lawn there arose such agitation I jumped up and down and screamed out ‘damnation’! Away to the window I waddled most quickly Shoved the armed guard aside, I did so quite briskly
The moon on the breast of the blood soaked cement showed that our time had not been misspent. When, what to my beady eyes should I view But a gaggle of Senators and worse, most were blue.
With a little old lady, so perky and tart I knew in a moment that she thinks she’s so smart. More rapid than bullets her followers came She yelled and she screamed and she called them by name:
Now Udall! Now Warner! Now Wyden and Heinrich On Rockefeller! On King On Mikulski but not Risch! To the top of the gun turret, the the top of the fence Dash away Dash away and let’s try to make sense.
And then, in a flurry, I tuned into Fox News she was pointing and angry in her sensible shoes As I stared at the screen and let out a sneer The door burst wide open and there she appeared
She was dressed in pastel with a smart little jacket and clasped in her arms was a quite a large packet I reached for the phone to call in the troops but the media was calling; they all wanted scoops
She spoke not a word, but went right to her work I glared at her long and let out a smirk I told her she’d regret the day she was born that I’d have the guards beat her until she was worn
I went on to tell her that no one would believe at that the things that we do and all we achieve but she looked at me squarely and laughed to my face as I reached in my pocket to look for my mace
“This hefty report has been my main goal most people acknowledge that you haven’t a soul and by the spring of next year, before Ramadan this report will break records as it tops Amazon”
Then she turned on her heels and wheeled towards the door this little old woman whose views I abhor and I heard her exclaim and she vanished from view “Happy Christmas to all” as I screamed back “FUCK YOU”