Love Letter Author: velveeta jonesDate:03/22/2015 14:06:55
Dear Senator(s) Cotton, Paul, McCain etc
It has come to our attention while observing your ass-hattery to the President that you might not understand our election system.
You see, you are "elected" to your position of authority by the people of your state or district to fulfill your duties and be our voice, not to promote your own agenda. The outcome can be that you won't be RE-elected if you continue to stupid things which may or may not include: writing letters to foreign leaders while America tries to negotiate with them, show your penis to girls on your twitter feed, take lavish gifts from lobbyists or have a wide stance while trolling for gay sex despite the fact that your "not gay" and married. These are just a few examples of things we Americans don't want you to do.
We DO want you to make and pass sound and reasonable laws that help this country and it's people. We encourage you to be outspoken and "be yourself" while doing so with a clear understanding that the money we donate to you should be used to help you succeed; not to travel to see Katy Perry concerts or decorate your office in the fashion of Downton Abbey while going around shirtless way too often. We encourage you to speak your truth but please try to avoid making rape comments and/or analogies since you often seem to somewhat unclear what rape is. Also, while we're at it, when you're speaking your truth please try to include facts in them. While I'll admit that not all Americans like to hear these things called "facts" most of us want to think that our elected politicians would want to speak of them.
An example might be climate change. Recently one of our American governors made it illegal to for his state workers to talk about "climate change" or "global warming" while another elected official stood on the senate floor and threw a snowball because it was snowing outside which means he confused weather for climate. The former elected official is a governor of a state that is pretty much sinking, while the latter is a Senator and chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee and we'd very much like to know that he understand facts.
To sum up, we the majority of American people, simply want you to do your job while bing openminded and using all the tools that are available to you, one of which is indeed "facts". Sorry about that. The consequences of not doing a reasonably good job is that you will not be "RE" elected and will have to go home and find a job as a grocery store bagger or lobbyist or male model. This is how our system works.
We hope this letter enriches your knowledge of our election system and promotes mutual understanding and clarity as our year progresses. Please remember, you only serve 6 terms and your terms will end soon. As Americans, we are well aware that a law that you make today, could be overturned tomorrow. It's really up to us as to whether we follow these "laws" are not. After all, soon you might be bagging my groceries! (Please stop putting my tomatoes on the bottom of the bag).