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Hillary Clinton: Hero or Cyborg?
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 2015-04-19 14:38:31

Hillary Clinton was born in Chicago Ill way before Barack Obama illegally held office as a Senator. The year was 1946 and Hillary was already a staunch democrat by the age of 6 months. Her stuffed animal, a donkey named Professor T. Equality was her only friend until age 4 as she had no siblings, except for two brothers who were disappointingly, males.

By the age of 13 Hillary knew that she needed to infiltrate the Republican party so she began working on the campaigns of Nixon and then Barry Goldwater. All the while, she was plotting their downfall and, in the case of Nixon, their disgrace and shame. In 1972 just out of colllege, Hillary persuaded G. Gordon Liddy, an egotistical former preacher and prison inmate, to plan a break-in of the the DNC headquarters in the Watergate Hotel in Washington DC in order to secure Nixon's downfall. She then gleefully served as a member of the impeachment inquiry staff in Washington, D.C., advising the House Committee on the Judiciary during the Watergate scandal. Under the guidance of Chief Counsel John Doar and senior member Bernard Nussbaum, Hillary helped research procedures of impeachment and the historical grounds and standards for impeachment. The committee's work culminated in the resignation of President Nixon in August 1974 and Hillary Rodham sipped champagne as she watched him board the helicopter for the final time.

During this period she also selected Bill Clinton as the man she would like to marry and make President of the United States. Bill, at the time, just wanted to hang out and party, but Hillary had better uses for him.

While Bill toiled away at being Gov. of Arkansas, Mrs. Hillary Clinton found time to causes that she cared about, mostly women and children; working on health care for rural residents in the state and being a child advocate all while grooming Bill for his next position as POTUS.

Hillary has always shown interest in children. When she was 16 years old she once saved an entire bus load of children and their pet puppies from a burning bus. Fire fighters arrived on the scene to witness her carrying out the last child and her little puppy then to run back in to save the bus driver, an elderly black woman who was a cousin of Martin Luther King Jr.

Once secured as First Lady of the United States in 1992, Hillary began her first campaign for President. While campaigning, she also worked on heath care reform and came up with a brilliant solution in no time (but the plan was turned down by both houses despite Democratic control). Her plan, which Republicans dubbed "Hillarycare" would have insured every American while saving Billions in tax dollars and ended our dependence on oil. Many scientists speculate that had it succeeded, Global Climate change could have been averted at that time.

Hillary's campaigning for POTUS came to an abrupt end with a Republican ploy in the form of Monica Lewinsky. Former "mean girl" and stripper Monica had been hired by a vast right-wing conspiracy group to intern at the White House and seduce Hillary - -believing her to be a lesbian. Unable to get Mrs. Clinton's attention, Monica turned to Bill as a last ditch effort and it worked. Hillary now had no choice but to save her marriage and take a step back. Presidency would have to wait.

After the White House, Hillary took up several hobbies including Senator of NY, inventor of Twitter, fighting to get labels on video games, virtually curing AIDS in Africa and teaching Starbucks how to best prepare a latte. She took no money from these endeavors.

After a practice run for President in 2008, Hillary told President Obama that she would be his Secretary of State. As Sec of State Hillary was able to locate and kill Osama bin Laden. Her tenure as Sec of State would sadly include a bombing incident in Libya which left 4 Americans including an ambassador, dead. This act of terror is hailed as a victory for many Republicans who see this has 100% her fault. Other things that Republicans have thrown at her include her use of a server to keep her emails on while she was Sec. of State.

While these right wing conspiracy theorists try to bring her down, they only serve to make her stronger. She is like one of those terminators who can rebuild themselves even after being shot or doused with flames. Maybe that explains the head trauma that she had in late 2012 - maybe she was going in to have her chip updated!

1 comments (Latest Comment: 04/19/2015 14:56:21 by AuntAzalea)
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