Welcome to TRUMPMERICA © ® where all your dreams* come true.*Good dreams may only apply to white, christian, heterosexual males who tow the line.
The magic will begin on Jan 21, 2017. Let me give you a quick overview of what to expect:
AIR: Do you enjoy clean air? Do you enjoy jobs? Well, you cannot have both! Thanks to the dismantling of those repressive corporate and environmental restrictions jobs will be plentiful in the oil, coal and fracking industry. Burn Baby Burn, is the new motto. More power to your power tools through the burning of clean and non-clean coal, whatever that difference is. Yes, you can drive to your new job and never have to worry about getting there; those restrictions on air pollution which used to reduce the power of your super big-ass F3500 will be a thing of the past! Guzzle that gas and get moving!
JOBS: Speaking of your new job, why not work a bit harder to make America great again. Your job should be paying you what it feels it can afford; we don't want the government telling us what to do, do we? HELL NO! If your boss can only afford $5.00 an hour then that's what you should make and be proud of it. So what if the CEO and the other execs make extra huge bonus' - - they work hard too. Plus, they have to pay their maids, nannies and grounds keepers on their multiple properties.
WATER: Here in Trumpmerica we love our water! It's great for putting oil drilling rig platforms on, dumping our yucky stuff like unneeded chemicals and factory runoff, putting our large amounts of trash piles in (it floats to the bottom, no worries), and of course recreations like yachting, fishing, war games and setting off nuclear test explosions. Water is good for you.
CRIME: One day in the future, your kids will read about "crime" in their history books and how the affliction was solved by heroic AG Giuliani who ended all crime while simultaneously creating mass amounts of jobs in the private prison industry. Frankly, I don't know how no one thought of this before! Round up all the people that commit crimes (you now the type) and put them behind bars. Problem solved! Sure, a few
of them might be innocent, but you know they would have eventually committed a crime.
TERRORISTS: Bombing the shit out of them should do the job. Target where you think they are and just let fly. Done and done in the first 10 days.
IMMIGRATION: In Trumpmerica we will still allow immigration. Trump will set up a staff of men who will sit around a round boardroom type table and decide who can enter the country. Contestants will be judged not only by the swim suit competition but also on a quiz about Trumpmerica and our president. Sample questions:
Who is president?
What country is the greatest?
Which network had "The Apprentice"?
Fill in the blank: Donald Trump has a huge _________ that works just fine.
Immigrants from certain countries need not apply.
Please don't be upset that the angry lady in the pantsuit lost. Just be happy that you'll have so much to look forward to in a safe and secure country where you can have your pick of jobs! Just don't stand around in one place for too long - keep moving - because there are no more "gun-free zones". I recommend the random "dodge, drop and roll" method.