Twas the night before Christmas and up on the hill,
not a creature was working, they hadn’t the will.
Resignation letters were written and pretty upbeat,
In hopes that the boss wouldn’t rant tweet.

The press corps were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of subpoena’s danced in their heads;
And FLOTUS in her room, and I alone in mine
yelling at the TV men until my bedtime.

When out on the lawn there arose such a moan,
I stood from the toilet and put down my phone.
Away to the window I flew over to see,
I 'm in great shape, THE BEST, believe me.

The moon on the faces of people below
Gave the illusion of a rally, a big MAGA show!
When, what to my not at all baggy eyes should appear,
But a miniature golf cart and 8 tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so smart and carefree,
I knew with a fright it was Ruth Bader-G.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, COMEY! now, COHEN! now, WEISSELBERG and FLYNN!
On, CORSI! on GATES! on BUTINA and BLITZEN!
To the edge of the street! to the top of the walk!
Now dash away! dash away! Go off and talk!"

As porn stars who promise to keep their mouths shut,
But when given the offer write a book full of smut,
They pulled up in cars surrounded by signs,
and a black dc tour advert who broke through the lines.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the door
The knocking and pounding it was shaking the floor.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
through the window she came without making a sound.

She was dressed all in black in an ill-fitting robe,
And her small tiny frame carried quite a huge load;
A bundle of papers she had flung on her back,
And most all of them covered with big blocks of black.

Her eyes -- how they squinted! Her dimples quite stern!
My stomach was churning and oh how it burned!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a frown,
(Just as I heard from the crowd that I was "a clown");

She stood almost straight and got right to the point,
And told me my lies could get my kids in the joint.
And pointing her finger with one hand on her hip,
She gave me a nod, and called me a shit.

She said I could join them in jail very soon,
And all I could do was keep singing this tune,
That I was a victim of witch hunts and fake news,
She giggled aloud said I was screwed.

Then she sprang to her cart, how was she so spry?,
And away they all flew without saying goodbye.
It was then that I woke up with FOX news all aglitter;
Just a bad dream! I went back to myTwitter.