Strange Eyes Keep On Watching Me Author: clintsterDate:02/25/2009 13:24:02
OK folks, just bear with us. Clintster is on his way for this morning's show; apparently he got into Momma's box wine last night and spent half the evening doing dueling George Takei impressions with Jim Ward. It was brutal.
Oh wait, here he is. Good Morning Clintster, how are you?
(Narrator slips some extra strong coffee to Clintster)
Huhwhuwhahuh? Where am I? (rubs eyes) Ohhhh, right; Wednesday! Good morning, 4Fers! I apologize for the way I look here; crazy night. CRAAAAAAAAZY night! Anyway, let's take a look at a media personality that has been occupying my mind recently. Step with me into the crazy world of Arthur Brown Glenn Beck!
It's no secret here that Glenn Beck is a "special" kind of conservative talking head. When CNN hired him a few years ago, as part of their "Let's punish America" initiative, he stirred up some controversy here and there. However, controversy did not equal ratings; he consistently pulled in the lowest ratings of any news/opinion program in his time slot, and after two years of pure suck, the powers that be at CNN mercifully pulled the plug.
Sensing an opportunity, Fox News swept up this red-hot powder keg of suck and put him into their 5pm slot, once held by John "ZOMG War On Christmas" Gibson. Appropriate? Yeah, pretty much.
In the month or so since the retooled (emphasis on TOOL) Glenn Beck TV machine show hit the airwaves, we have seen the following:
On Inauguration Day, Beck cried over the media's handling of Sarah Palin, as he introduced her on his show. Yes, Sarah Palin.
He asserted that because Barack was now the President, it was now okay for America to put civil rights behind us.
Beck not only compared the stimulus plan to socialism, but took it all the way to Communism!!!11ONE!
He shed tears over the death of a 9-11 widow in the recent plane crash in Buffalo, even though a few years earlier, he had said "I am so sick of them" for going on TV, asking for accountability, etc.
Most recently, while trying to pin the collapse of the auto industry on the unions, Beck claimed that UAW workers earn $154 per hour. Even factoring in benefits, vacation, overtime, etc., the actual number is about a third that.
For people who want to see someone actually get carried away in a straitjacket on the air, I'd put my money down on Glenn Beck. O'Reilly might beat him to it, but I think Beck would make a greater show of it. Plus the jacket would hide those sweaters.
Thought I forgot about the eyes? The crazy eyes? The Big-Brother-Meets-Tom-Arnold eyes? Here, take this!
NOw, if you'll excuse me, I got to perfect my Chekhov impression. Nuclear wessers. Nuclearrrr Wessselssss...