I have made a Scouting career out of asking all candidates for rank the same final question in a Board of Review.


“Of the Three Duties in the Scout Oath, which do you think is the most important, and why?”

There is no right or wrong answer, but I often find it insightful into the mindset of a Scout.

In the Scout Oath, there are three duties.

Duty To God and Country.
Duty to Others.
Duty to Self.

My friend Doug has long held the belief that “Duty to Self” is the most important. You must take care of yourself before you can fulfill your other duties. For all of my adult life, I’ve held a different view, that “Duty to Others’ is the most important, as there is no higher calling than service to others.

It’s actually part of another oath I hold dear – the Order of the Arrow obligation, which is taken when joining Scouting’s Honour Society. The relevant section states that “I will always regard the bonds of brotherhood in this Order as sacred and binding, and will seek to preserve a cheerful spirit even in the midst of irksome tasks and weighty responsibilities, and will endeavor, so far as in my power lies, to be unselfish in service and devotion to the welfare of others.”

It has been the rule and guide of my life since I took the oath as an Ordeal Member back in 1989.

This explains a great deal of how I act in all my transactions with mankind; it often times is very rewarding, but in recent years it has become more of a burden under those irksome tasks and weighty responsibilities.

My Worldview first changed over a decade ago. As we approach Thanksgiving, I recall that Thanksgiving of 2012. I was sick with cancer, receiving chemotherapy. It was the first Thanksgiving we had in our own home that year, as we always travelled and visited others in the holiday. That year, I felt it was wiser to stay home, but of course I cooked Thanksgiving dinner myself for the first time in 2012, under the theory that while I might not be able to eat all of it due to the chemo, I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s holiday that year. At the time, it gave me great pause – for the first time I was aware, I had to put my own interests ahead of all others.

I got better, and over time I reverted to my usual M.O, of taking care of others before myself.

I alluded to it many time earlier this year, how my work had become so toxic and difficult, as I felt I had finally reached the breaking point.

You heard the story of how I essentially rage-quit trolleys. On that fateful morn, I was torn in far too many directions. I finally snapped. Threw my water bottle across the room, slammed down the dispatch clipboard, declaring “Today’s the day, I QUIT!”

Indeed, I never actually returned to the fold after that morning. I fortunately had some pro-bono sessions with a Scouting friend who is a psychologist in real life over a tumultuous Woodbadge Weekend back in May. I returned from that trip, handed in my resignation, and never looked back.

But then I went to another equally-toxic job driving for another company. I won’t bore you with the details, but I declared to Mrs. TriSec, “If I wanted to drive transit, I would have signed up with the MBTA (our local transit agency.)

Again on the hunt, Allah smiled upon me and I landed my current, comfortable job driving student shuttles at nearby Bentley College, in my neighborhood, and close enough to walk to work.

My stress levels plummeted, and my health rapidly improved. Blood pressure dropped noticeably, I was sleeping better, and I quit drinking. All of which has been related in these pages.

November 1 marks five months since that fateful day.

Over the last week or so, I have finally reached a positive place in my mental health. I was just at a camporee with my Scouting family, and I once again saw my psychologist friend. We only talked briefly, but she saw a change in me from that horrific weekend back in May.

What’s changed?

I have an actual schedule. I work about 50 hours a week routinely now, regular daytime driving Monday-Friday. I have the morning shuttle, starting at 7am, and I’m done and home every day by 4pm.

This has opened up my life. I am able to Scout again, I have become far more involved in Freemasonry, and most wondrous of all, I have weekends off.

Oh, I still work six days a week most of the time, but now it’s at my own choosing, rather than the necessities of the business. I only work weekends if I want to, not because “there’s nobody else to do it”.

I have gone back to music. I haven’t touched my horn in two years, but I’ve started practicing pretty hard over the last two weeks, with a goal in mind of returning to the Waltham American Legion Band in the spring when the season starts up again.

I am able to read books and watch some movies and other programs that I never had the time to do. I have been able to spend more time with Mrs. TriSec and Javi, more so than running past them for a few minutes on the way to bed or a meeting that I didn’t have time to properly prepare for.

I’ve noticed a difference.

One of the last things in my life I want to get back is going to the Y to swim again. I haven’t been in a pool since I was last in Florida in March, before the crisis began. I hope to get back in the water in the next week or so, or at least sit in the sauna and try to sweat out some of those toxins that I know I still carry.

Duty to Self.

I’ve talked to my old friend Doug about this, and he is well-pleased that things have changed. This week, I’ve been feeling particularly good, to the point where I referenced “The Good Cubbie” starting to re-appear again. (Cubbie is my Stage Name, which I still use driving.)

As everyone always says, life is too short to waste it on work. But I still feel somewhat regretful…I walked out on everyone at the beginning of the season. I still talk to my trolley mates routinely – I know what is going on in the shop, and it hasn’t been very pretty this past summer.

But. Not my circus. Not my monkey.

What’s really struck me though, was the toll on my marriage. The last few years, it seems, I’ve been rather mean and ill-mannered to everyone. I won’t say that I was a functioning alcoholic – I think that’s too strong, but I was concerned that that is what I had become.
I was struck last week by something Mrs. TriSec said. I was pretty tired one day, and not my usual self after work, and she had some fear in her eyes and asked “Dare I ask?”

Trolleys, tourism, and being onstage was a great job for a lot of years, until it wasn’t. I still can’t get over my luck in landing where I did. It’s made a great difference, and has given me the time to work on that “Duty to Self”.

It’s a whole new world. But it’s very much like my old world, when I had a desk job with a set schedule and time for that magical Work/Life balance.