How do? Listen up. Miss Velveeta has gone and got herself a job, a real one too, not one o’ them lay about “jobs” she’s always claiming t’ have, like "filmmaker" or "artist" or whatever. So, as she is off working at her job which is where she should be, she has asked me, her ex-husband, to write this here blog thing. Course we was only married for a short while, then she started wanting to all this fancy stuff and stopped even cleaning the house! No doing my laundry, NOTHING! So, as you can imagine: right out she goes. And good riddance far as I'm concerned. But eventually we start being neighborly again. She's nice enough to help get me back into the house after I plowed my car through the porch one morning. And she does look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of pancakes, so its hard to resist when she asks. Also, she pays me in Bud.

But now, I haven’t rightly introduced myself. Though yawl may have heard o’ me, I’m sure she talks me up all the time, right? She does don’t she? For those t’aint heard a me my formal name is Clemet Franklin Robert “Lee” Davis, Jr. Course my friends call me "Root", and that’s what yawl can call me.

First off, I sure am glad that Miss Velveeta got herself one of these computoor talky things so’s I don't have to type, otherwise this blog thingy would never get to written, fer sure! Hell, I’d spill my beer typin’. Its kinda spooky to see the words that I'm saying comin' cross the screen as I am sayin' them. Weird stuff! Pussy! Haahahahhahahahaha! Buttfucker!! Wooooooooo!

Now then, off to the stories. The note under my six-pack says I'm supposed to talk about Bill O'Reilly and his lynching comment and then segoo into talkin' bout animals and how man is the cruelest animal of all and talk about this here book. Pffffffth. Yawn. I'm gonna need more beer.

Okay here we go.

First off, Bill O'Reilly made this comment 'bout Obama's wife Michelle. Here's what he said:



Well, I am at a loss. I don't quite see what the big deal is. Do yawl? I mean, yeah, Michelle is a black lady and maybe "lynching" was the wrong word. But yawl know he didn't mean it, right? I mean, see how he follows it with he's gonna "track it down"? See, he's gonna track down the evidence first. Think of it like a posse of sorts. So he's sayin' he's gonna go out and find the evidence and THEN lynch her. So fer this he should be fired? I just don't see it. He don't mean literally "hang her from a tree" like some people used to do back in the day.

So yawl are all up inna tree over this? Yawl really want him to git fired? Its a sad day for men, white men 'specially. Seems like the white man never gets a break these days.

And its not like the Obams don't know that they're black, right? So, they should be used to the lynching comments. Get off his back why don't cha!!! And fer cryin’ out loud, HE SAID HE WAS SORRY! So just let it go!! Bills got a family to feed. (And from what I hear, he also got a gambling problem, but choo didn't hear that from me, no sir)!

And anyway, all I’m askin’ is, why shouldn’t she be lynched if she says bad things about America? I mean............this is America!! You don't go 'round bad mouthin' this great country!! DAMN!! Why isn't she back at home keeping the house straight and tending to all his kids anyway? If she wants to work, she could get a job as a cleaning lady couldn't she?

I consider myself to be a true American. And I don’t have anything against the black man. Not at all. But this is just going too far, and I think that Bill O'Reilly has every right to say what he wants to say. I mean, if the Obama's are upset they can say shit back can't they? Let the husband come on TV and say Bill is a fag or a pussy or that he's gonna come down on him like a pile of vicious Rottweilers or something. Then they can be even.

Okay, so this here is the part where I segoo (I looked it up) into the animals.

So, speaking of Rottweilers, there is this new book out called Why Animals Matter: The Case for Animal Protection by Erin E. Williams and Margo Demello and can be found in your local bookstore. (Books! This is one of the reasons that I booted Miss Velveeta out of the trailer. Always reading books).

Seems this book says the the cruelest animal of all is..................what? Man? Oh noooooo it does NOT say that. Damn if it don't say that!

Well ain't this just as sorry as a 2 dollar watch! Seems that the authors are all put out 'cause a few billion animals around the world needlessly get used as sport, get shot, boiled, burned alive, stabbed, electrocuted, beaten, drowned, cut with knifes/saws/machete's, tortured, caged up without ever seeing the light of day, drugged, experimented on, hunted, and other things.

Well, Miss Jones recently became a vegetarian, so this should tell you that she’s become crazier than a run-over dog! Whoops. Better not say that.

Anyway, according to one of the reviews of this here book, it has, and I quote:



The book also talks about how we humans use animals for sport in caged hunting for the rich, and sports like cock fighting and dog fighting, and factory farming of fish so's their little skulls actually pop out of their heads 'cause they are so cramped in the aquariums, and how we hunt animals for there skin and pelts and use them as experiments, and so on.

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud! Sounds like a snooze of a read if ya ask me!

See, we are bigger than them, so it just seems only fair. Know what I'm sayin'? 'Sides, God says were supposed to have domination over the Earth, right? So if I eat animals, that's the way God intended. S'all I'm sayin'.

Well, seems I am in need of more beer and I gotta pee like strung up race horse, so I figure I have done my job here.

Velveeta will be back later on tonight, but seems she may be working every Sunday. She best not be asking me to write this shit, er, this blog every week! I already done more readin’ and writin’ in one morning than I done in 14 years o’ elementary school!