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What is done unto you?
Author: Raine
Date: 04/17/2013 13:41:15
Victim blaming occurs when the victim(s) of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment are held entirely or partially responsible for the transgressions committed against them (regardless of whether the victim actually had any responsibility for the incident). Blaming the victim has traditionally emerged especially in racist, sexist, and classist forms.
I've been thinking a lot about this idea of victim blaming lately. I think about the young woman who was raped and abused in Stuebenville. I think about Trayvon Martin. I think about the beautiful young woman, Amanda Todd who committed suicide in Canada after pictures of her bullying, both physical and cyber, were circulated... I think about Audrie Pott -- she committed suicide as well, after being raped and having no justice. All of these victims, every one of them -- were subjected to public judgement. Everyone one of them had their motives questioned, and all but one are dead. Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment are held entirely or partially responsible for the transgressions committed against them. These children, young adults -- people, humans were terrorized by their assailants and were made victims again by a court of public opinion.
The sad outcome of all of these stories is that we are asked to change behavior. Young women are reminded that they need to take steps on how not to be raped.
Never take a drink from anyone or let your drink out of your sight. Don’t show too much cleavage. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Never go to a boy’s room alone. If it comes to it, go for the eyes, the nose, the balls. Always stay with a group of girls…safety in numbers. You can’t trust him, even if he seems nice.
They are told to be wary of what they wear and how they act.
Reading about Trayvon reminded me of the list of the “don’ts” I received after my sheltered existence in Hazlet, N.J., was replaced with the reality of Newark when my mother remarried in the 1980s.
“Don’t run in public.” Lest someone think you’re suspicious.
“Don’t run while carrying anything in your hands.” Lest someone think you stole something.
“Don’t talk back to the police.” Lest you give them a reason to take you to jail or worse
There was also being mindful that you are being watched in stores. Watched turned to followed as I got older. To this day, if a sales person is overly attentive to what I might be looking for I leave the store. Never to return. And then there was keeping a distance of deniability from white women when walking on the street. Lest you be accused of any number of offenses, from trying to snatch her purse to sexual assault.
Richard Jewel, ultimately the hero of the 1996 Centennial park bombing was made a victim.
For nine years, Richard Jewell labored under suspicion that he'd been the bomber. In fact, Richard Jewell was a jewel of a man, a private security guard who spotted the bomb, informed the police of its existence, and escorted park visitors off the site until the bomb exploded. Jewell was a hero. (snip)
Jewell died 11 years after the bombing, exonerated and a little richer thanks to several settlements against media outlets like CNN, but still a broken man. In its obituary, the New York Times, which had also reported on the allegations against Jewell, eulogized him as the hero of the Atlanta attack. Which did Richard Jewell no good whatsoever.... In the days to come, it would behoove All Of Us to take what the FBI, and CNN, and NBC, and the New York Post, and their ilk, have to say about suspects and motives with a grain of salt.
After September 11 everyone was asked -- told -- how not to be a victim. We remove our shoes before boarding airplanes, we are subjected to pat down in public spaces, we are told to say something if we see something. We -- collectively as a nation, victims of terror -- are being held responsible for the terror. In many respects we are safer; that said -- we are always asked to be in a heightened state of alert. In that respect there is a connection with the victims I mentioned above. We have been told to go about our daily lives, go shopping and just be normal... until the next tragedy. This time, it is Boston. On the floor of the Senate yesterday, Minority leader McConnell said the following in his commemoration of the attack:
On 9/11 we forever disabused of the notion that attacks, like the one that rocked Boston yesterday ,only happen on the field of battle or in distant countries. With the passage of time, however, and the vigilant efforts of our military, intelligence and law enforcement professionals, I think it's safe to say that for many, the complacency that prevailed prior to September 11th has actually returned. And so we are newly reminded that serious threats to our way of life remain. And today again we recommit ourselves to the fight against terrorism at home and abroad.
Yeah, Mitch, we've really become complacent. I mean, it's not like we've had things like mass shootings at malls, movie theaters, military bases, *elementary schools*, high schools, colleges.... It's not like we've had school buses attacked and children taken hostage. It's not like teenage girls have to worry about going to parties without getting gang raped and then blamed for it. It's not like gay couples have to worry about visiting each other in hospital rooms without being arrested. No, we're absolutely complacent, and it's our fault that this happened because we haven't closed our borders and slaughtered all of the gays, Muslims, and any other "undesirable" living here against your and your ilk's wishes. It's our fault that we refuse to live in fear of each other, and try to focus on the positive while we attempt to lead normal lives instead of hiding in our homes, barricaded off from the rest of the world in terror.
Instead of blaming the victims for the wrong in our society, how about we start changing society with simple ideas such as:
Don't kill.
Don't terrorize.
Learn.
Be curious.
Educate.
Liberate.
Love.
Understand.
Accept.
There is something terribly wrong when the result of a tragedy is to add extra layers of protection. When the un-normal becomes normal -- we become desensitized to tragedy. Security shouldn't mean always feeling insecure. How we solve this I do not know, but a good place to start is to stop putting the onus on the victims.
My heart goes out to Boston and the people there that day. You saved a lot of lives Monday. We saw the best of America in your city during a dark event. You showed to me what true patriotism really is, on the day truly meant to celebrate it.
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Can you hear and do you care and
Cant you see we must be free to
Teach your children what you believe in.
Make a world that we can live in.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
Graham Nash
and 
Raine
Comments:
Order comments Newest to Oldest Refresh Comments
Comment by 
trojanrabbit on 04/17/2013 13:04:19
trojanrabbit on 04/17/2013 13:04:19
Morning...
Heard of commuter rail trains being stopped this morning and searched by bomb-sniffing dogs.
And I've definitely seen an increased police presence on the highways since yesterday.
And Fuck McTurtle. They swept the finish line area twice before the race and had undercover police in the area. Complacent my ass. Wonder how HE would deal with guarding 26+ miles of roads. A lot more difficult than a crowd watching a bunch of horses turn left.
Heard of commuter rail trains being stopped this morning and searched by bomb-sniffing dogs.
And I've definitely seen an increased police presence on the highways since yesterday.
And Fuck McTurtle. They swept the finish line area twice before the race and had undercover police in the area. Complacent my ass. Wonder how HE would deal with guarding 26+ miles of roads. A lot more difficult than a crowd watching a bunch of horses turn left.
Comment by 
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 13:09:12
In one single location I might add.
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 13:09:12
Quote by trojanrabbit:
Morning...
Heard of commuter rail trains being stopped this morning and searched by bomb-sniffing dogs.
And I've definitely seen an increased police presence on the highways since yesterday.
And Fuck McTurtle. They swept the finish line area twice before the race and had undercover police in the area. Complacent my ass. Wonder how HE would deal with guarding 26+ miles of roads. A lot more difficult than a crowd watching a bunch of horses turn left.
In one single location I might add.
Comment by 
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 13:11:28
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 13:11:28
Morning 
Comment by 
BobR on 04/17/2013 13:35:07
BobR on 04/17/2013 13:35:07
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 13:39:11
Wonder Woman. Sorry, I forgot that thing scrolls.
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 13:39:11
Quote by BobR:Quote by Mondobubba:
I watched this last night.
which one? Wonder Woman?
Wonder Woman. Sorry, I forgot that thing scrolls.
Comment by 
Raine on 04/17/2013 13:49:34
Raine on 04/17/2013 13:49:34
Blog is being edited.... So I am leaving this Platypus here.... 
Good morning!
Good morning!
Comment by 
TriSec on 04/17/2013 13:56:19
TriSec on 04/17/2013 13:56:19
I'm thinking it's a Kind of Blue kind of day.
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 13:59:40
Raine on 04/17/2013 13:59:40
Editing done.
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:06:18
Tri, not to sound flippant, but every day is KoB day.
Best.Modern.Jazz.Album.EVAH!
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:06:18
Quote by TriSec:
I'm thinking it's a Kind of Blue kind of day.
Tri, not to sound flippant, but every day is KoB day.
Best.Modern.Jazz.Album.EVAH!
Comment by 
velveeta jones on 04/17/2013 14:12:47
velveeta jones on 04/17/2013 14:12:47
Morning all. Great post.... *sigh* I have to have the "talk" with my daughter one day soon. Yet, I wonder how many Mom's have that conversation with their son, as in "don't commit rape".
Comment by TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:13:38
TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:13:38
Boston Globe photo blog.
Perhaps not for the faint of heart, but then again, no worse than anything we've seen from Baghdad or Kabul. Which just kills me.
Perhaps not for the faint of heart, but then again, no worse than anything we've seen from Baghdad or Kabul. Which just kills me.
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 14:16:36
I cannot fathom what it must be like for parents. I'm so glad that there are people like you out there Vel.
Raine on 04/17/2013 14:16:36
Quote by velveeta jones:
Morning all. Great post.... *sigh* I have to have the "talk" with my daughter one day soon. Yet, I wonder how many Mom's have that conversation with their son, as in "don't commit rape".
Comment by TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:17:16
Oh, I concur entirely. It has been said that at some point in time, every musician will have to listen to KofB to understand and reveal essential truths. Some get it, but I'd sure like to see what happens when that day comes for oh say, Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga.
You are aware that it's because of just one note on that album (The E above High C in Mile's Freddy Freeloader solo) that started me playing. It's like the head in Jaws...I know it's coming, but it makes it no less electric when it happens.
TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:17:16
Quote by Mondobubba:
Tri, not to sound flippant, but every day is KoB day.
Oh, I concur entirely. It has been said that at some point in time, every musician will have to listen to KofB to understand and reveal essential truths. Some get it, but I'd sure like to see what happens when that day comes for oh say, Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga.
You are aware that it's because of just one note on that album (The E above High C in Mile's Freddy Freeloader solo) that started me playing. It's like the head in Jaws...I know it's coming, but it makes it no less electric when it happens.
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:17:58
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:17:58
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 14:25:17
Exactly.
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
Raine on 04/17/2013 14:25:17
Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:26:44
you know I don't know about that last part, we have 2 teen boys in our family and all I know for sure is that my cousin as told them that if they have sex they must use protection cause she doesn't want to do the grandma thing right now and she wants them to go to college and get themselves at least partially settled before they have kids.
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:26:44
Quote by velveeta jones:
Morning all. Great post.... *sigh* I have to have the "talk" with my daughter one day soon. Yet, I wonder how many Mom's have that conversation with their son, as in "don't commit rape".
you know I don't know about that last part, we have 2 teen boys in our family and all I know for sure is that my cousin as told them that if they have sex they must use protection cause she doesn't want to do the grandma thing right now and she wants them to go to college and get themselves at least partially settled before they have kids.
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:29:13
"Son, respect women. Don't do violence to them. If you are in a position (phrasing) where sex might happen, remember these two things: use protection, it is up to both of you. If she says no, that means NO. Don't listen to any of those douchebags who say otherwise, they aren't being raised right. I can't emphasize this enough, no means no. If a girl says no, stop and apologize. Communicate with her, treat her like you would like to be treated."
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:29:13
Quote by velveeta jones:
Morning all. Great post.... *sigh* I have to have the "talk" with my daughter one day soon. Yet, I wonder how many Mom's have that conversation with their son, as in "don't commit rape".
"Son, respect women. Don't do violence to them. If you are in a position (phrasing) where sex might happen, remember these two things: use protection, it is up to both of you. If she says no, that means NO. Don't listen to any of those douchebags who say otherwise, they aren't being raised right. I can't emphasize this enough, no means no. If a girl says no, stop and apologize. Communicate with her, treat her like you would like to be treated."
Comment by TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:30:05
TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:30:05
Oh, and in contrast to some other places:
Rep. Stanley Cosponsors Legislation to Establish Early Voting
Rep. Stanley signed onto legislation to establish early in-person voting. Currently, voters are allowed to vote in-person on Election Day only. The new legislation would require the local election officers and registrars of every city or town to allow any qualified voter to cast a ballot 14 days prior to any election, and 8 days prior to a special election. Cities and towns must also provide for early voting in elections not held in conjunction with state elections. There must be a request made, in person, by a qualified voter, to participate in early voting and the voter must fill out an Early Voter Certificate. Rep. Stanley feels that an early voting law will increase voter participation throughout the Commonwealth as well as help reduce long lines and traffic at the polling station on Election Day, which factors into lower voter turnout.
(That's my friend Tom Stanley, candidate for Mayor. And TriSec, vying to take his seat on the Council afterwards.)
Rep. Stanley Cosponsors Legislation to Establish Early Voting
Rep. Stanley signed onto legislation to establish early in-person voting. Currently, voters are allowed to vote in-person on Election Day only. The new legislation would require the local election officers and registrars of every city or town to allow any qualified voter to cast a ballot 14 days prior to any election, and 8 days prior to a special election. Cities and towns must also provide for early voting in elections not held in conjunction with state elections. There must be a request made, in person, by a qualified voter, to participate in early voting and the voter must fill out an Early Voter Certificate. Rep. Stanley feels that an early voting law will increase voter participation throughout the Commonwealth as well as help reduce long lines and traffic at the polling station on Election Day, which factors into lower voter turnout.
(That's my friend Tom Stanley, candidate for Mayor. And TriSec, vying to take his seat on the Council afterwards.)
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:35:27
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:35:27
Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
Comment by TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:43:21
No, no. You're right on a lot of this. I was just thinking along similar lines WRT the whole rape thing.
"No means No", however trite that sounds as a mantra, is the answer. But how many modern parentts (alas, myself included) drilled this into their children when they were younger?
We've all seen it - a kid throws some kind of tantrum until the parent gets flustered or otherwise gives in just to get the kid to settle down. That's reinforcing the lesson that pushing until you get your way is the correct behavior.
Which then leads to all kinds of downstream problems.
But then again, what do I know? There's no qualifying exam to be parents, is there? (Wait, there is! I adopted instead of succesfully impregnating my wife, but that's a blog for another day.)
Sorry, sorry. I know. Preaching to the choir. I'll go take my pills now.
But you get my point, dammit!
TriSec on 04/17/2013 14:43:21
Quote by wickedpam:
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
No, no. You're right on a lot of this. I was just thinking along similar lines WRT the whole rape thing.
"No means No", however trite that sounds as a mantra, is the answer. But how many modern parentts (alas, myself included) drilled this into their children when they were younger?
We've all seen it - a kid throws some kind of tantrum until the parent gets flustered or otherwise gives in just to get the kid to settle down. That's reinforcing the lesson that pushing until you get your way is the correct behavior.
Which then leads to all kinds of downstream problems.
But then again, what do I know? There's no qualifying exam to be parents, is there? (Wait, there is! I adopted instead of succesfully impregnating my wife, but that's a blog for another day.)
Sorry, sorry. I know. Preaching to the choir. I'll go take my pills now.
But you get my point, dammit!
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 14:45:08
It's alright. I understand that frustration. I do.
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
Raine on 04/17/2013 14:45:08
Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
Comment by BobR on 04/17/2013 14:46:00
In the 2000s we were at Security Level Orange for how long? Several years?
BobR on 04/17/2013 14:46:00
Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
In the 2000s we were at Security Level Orange for how long? Several years?
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:46:55
Didn't I sorta say that a few posts back?
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:46:55
Quote by TriSec:Quote by wickedpam:
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
No, no. You're right on a lot of this. I was just thinking along similar lines WRT the whole rape thing.
"No means No", however trite that sounds as a mantra, is the answer. But how many modern parentts (alas, myself included) drilled this into their children when they were younger?
We've all seen it - a kid throws some kind of tantrum until the parent gets flustered or otherwise gives in just to get the kid to settle down. That's reinforcing the lesson that pushing until you get your way is the correct behavior.
Which then leads to all kinds of downstream problems.
But then again, what do I know? There's no qualifying exam to be parents, is there? (Wait, there is! I adopted instead of succesfully impregnating my wife, but that's a blog for another day.)
Sorry, sorry. I know. Preaching to the choir. I'll go take my pills now.
But you get my point, dammit!
Didn't I sorta say that a few posts back?
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:50:30
true, but also a fear of getting in over my head
but anyway back to the topic at hand
It seems like it almost started in the 80's cause I don't remember it being like that in the 70's - then again at that point I only saw the world with kid eyes
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:50:30
Quote by Raine:It's alright. I understand that frustration. I do.Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
true, but also a fear of getting in over my head
but anyway back to the topic at hand
It seems like it almost started in the 80's cause I don't remember it being like that in the 70's - then again at that point I only saw the world with kid eyes
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:53:14
Like everything that is wrong with the country, it started in the 80s. When Reagan was President. He is the root cause of everything.
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:53:14
Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:It's alright. I understand that frustration. I do.Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
true, but also a fear of getting in over my head
but anyway back to the topic at hand
It seems like it almost started in the 80's cause I don't remember it being like that in the 70's - then again at that point I only saw the world with kid eyes
Like everything that is wrong with the country, it started in the 80s. When Reagan was President. He is the root cause of everything.
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:55:34
totally, you're a 4 star parent and I have faith that you will teach the awesome Javi all the important and not so important stuff :D
the Teen Mom's on the other hand - I have very little faith in
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:55:34
Quote by TriSec:Quote by wickedpam:
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
No, no. You're right on a lot of this. I was just thinking along similar lines WRT the whole rape thing.
"No means No", however trite that sounds as a mantra, is the answer. But how many modern parentts (alas, myself included) drilled this into their children when they were younger?
We've all seen it - a kid throws some kind of tantrum until the parent gets flustered or otherwise gives in just to get the kid to settle down. That's reinforcing the lesson that pushing until you get your way is the correct behavior.
Which then leads to all kinds of downstream problems.
But then again, what do I know? There's no qualifying exam to be parents, is there? (Wait, there is! I adopted instead of succesfully impregnating my wife, but that's a blog for another day.)
Sorry, sorry. I know. Preaching to the choir. I'll go take my pills now.
But you get my point, dammit!
totally, you're a 4 star parent and I have faith that you will teach the awesome Javi all the important and not so important stuff :D
the Teen Mom's on the other hand - I have very little faith in
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:56:20
even big hair and neon color changing clothes
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 14:56:20
Quote by Mondobubba:Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:It's alright. I understand that frustration. I do.Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
true, but also a fear of getting in over my head
but anyway back to the topic at hand
It seems like it almost started in the 80's cause I don't remember it being like that in the 70's - then again at that point I only saw the world with kid eyes
Like everything that is wrong with the country, it started in the 80s. When Reagan was President. He is the root cause of everything.
even big hair and neon color changing clothes
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:57:50
Give me a few minutes and I can come up with a seemingly factual causation..
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 14:57:50
Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Mondobubba:Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:It's alright. I understand that frustration. I do.Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Raine:Exactly.Quote by wickedpam:
I remember always being on "heightened alert" its exhausting and can not be sustained for an indefinite period of time
Something has to change -- it HAS TO --
We blame to poor for being poor, we blame homeowners for losing their houses, we blame unhealthy people for being unhealthy --
I;m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility but we need to start looking at how we live in society in a different way.
Security -- more of it -- isn't the answer anymore.
you know I wonder if some of this is born out of frustration.
for example - I bought a house I could afford but I could have gotten approved for a lot more (and it was very tempting) if I did come to my senses and tell them all I wanted was a plan old fashioned fix rate loan. As a result I got a rate that was a little higher then people who were tempted with the bigger house in the fancy neighborhood. That's 1 point of frustration - I was penalized for having something stable.
Second point of frustration is that because all those people who were tempted are now getting breaks to make it easier to get refi's or get the banks off their backs. Whereas I followed the rules lived within my means and realize that its going to be harder for me to refi since it seems like all those hit hard due to their eyes being bigger then there belly's come first.
sorry didn't mean for that to be a mini-self involved rant
As with everything -- there are exceptions. It's bigger and larger theme of blaming victims for their problems instead of looking at the endemic issues that caused the problems to begin with. You took a path that was less extravagent -- something that wasn't really encouraged beck in the B*sh years.
true, but also a fear of getting in over my head
but anyway back to the topic at hand
It seems like it almost started in the 80's cause I don't remember it being like that in the 70's - then again at that point I only saw the world with kid eyes
Like everything that is wrong with the country, it started in the 80s. When Reagan was President. He is the root cause of everything.
even big hair and neon color changing clothes
Give me a few minutes and I can come up with a seemingly factual causation..
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:10:33
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:10:33
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:11:49
A creepy creeper?
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:11:49
Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Mondobubba:
Is it me, or is Mark Sandford kinda creepy?
no, he's a creeper
A creepy creeper?
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 15:13:18
Raine on 04/17/2013 15:13:18
This idea of teaching kids that no means no is very well and good -- but somewhere along the line, the lack of saying the word no seems to indicate to some monsters that it means yes.
There is something wrong.
There is something wrong.
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:21:14
Good point. Very good point. Your actions in a situation, body language etc can also mean no as well. How do you train young people to understand this?
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:21:14
Quote by Raine:
This idea of teaching kids that no means no is very well and good -- but somewhere along the line, the lack of saying the word no seems to indicate to some monsters that it means yes.
There is something wrong.
Good point. Very good point. Your actions in a situation, body language etc can also mean no as well. How do you train young people to understand this?
Comment by 
Will in Chicago on 04/17/2013 15:23:04
Will in Chicago on 04/17/2013 15:23:04
Good morning, bloggers!
Raine, thanks for a great blog. We seem to have an industry that exists in blaming victims. Too often, I hear the attitude that it is the victims to blame and any wrong that exists is because of them. Somehow, I doubt such people would say the same if they or someone close to them were the victims of a crime.
Raine, thanks for a great blog. We seem to have an industry that exists in blaming victims. Too often, I hear the attitude that it is the victims to blame and any wrong that exists is because of them. Somehow, I doubt such people would say the same if they or someone close to them were the victims of a crime.
Comment by TriSec on 04/17/2013 15:23:17
Ha. Put it on the NCLB testing, then such things will have to be taught. [/snark]
TriSec on 04/17/2013 15:23:17
Quote by Mondobubba:
Good point. Very good point. Your actions in a situation, body language etc can also mean no as well. How do you train young people to understand this?
Ha. Put it on the NCLB testing, then such things will have to be taught. [/snark]
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:23:33
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:23:33
Another day, another Texas Republican says something really stupid. Everything (including the stupid) is bigger in Texas.
Comment by trojanrabbit on 04/17/2013 15:23:43
I will NEVER understand European lighting standards.
trojanrabbit on 04/17/2013 15:23:43
I will NEVER understand European lighting standards.
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 15:27:09
Raine on 04/17/2013 15:27:09
here we go again... Second letter with RICIN sent
To Obama.
To Obama.
@TerryMoran BREAKING: @ABC has learned a SECOND letter sent to the US Senate has tested positive for the poison ricin.
Comment by 
clintster on 04/17/2013 15:28:00
clintster on 04/17/2013 15:28:00
Thank you for the blog today, Raine. I've actually been thinking on writing on a similar vein in light of Steubenville and the recent rash of fatal slut-shaming. Sen. McConnell's "complacency" remarks were the straws that broke the camel's back.
I'm not sure when to have the talk with Ian. He is simultaneously knowledgable and innocent when it comes to human sexuality. He was calling the equipment "noodle" and "noodle-hole" when he was 4 (he uses much more medically accurate terms now), and knows when something on TV is "sexy". Even so, he has far more interest in Angry Birds than in "sexiness".
There will come a time, I know, when I will have to sit down with him and let him know the facts of sexuality and behavior around the opposite sex (or same sex if he feels those stirrings).
I'm not sure when to have the talk with Ian. He is simultaneously knowledgable and innocent when it comes to human sexuality. He was calling the equipment "noodle" and "noodle-hole" when he was 4 (he uses much more medically accurate terms now), and knows when something on TV is "sexy". Even so, he has far more interest in Angry Birds than in "sexiness".
There will come a time, I know, when I will have to sit down with him and let him know the facts of sexuality and behavior around the opposite sex (or same sex if he feels those stirrings).
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:30:40
Riiiight!
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:30:40
Quote by TriSec:Quote by Mondobubba:
Good point. Very good point. Your actions in a situation, body language etc can also mean no as well. How do you train young people to understand this?
Ha. Put it on the NCLB testing, then such things will have to be taught. [/snark]
Riiiight!
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:31:25
it does seem to be a pattern
now all we need is a random sniper
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:31:25
Quote by Raine:
here we go again... Second letter with RICIN sent
To Obama.@TerryMoran BREAKING: @ABC has learned a SECOND letter sent to the US Senate has tested positive for the poison ricin.
it does seem to be a pattern
now all we need is a random sniper
Comment by clintster on 04/17/2013 15:31:32
Huh. I was expecting Goemert.
clintster on 04/17/2013 15:31:32
Quote by Mondobubba:
Another day, another Texas Republican says something really stupid. Everything (including the stupid) is bigger in Texas.
Huh. I was expecting Goemert.
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:34:34
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:34:34
Comment by Raine on 04/17/2013 15:34:43
It's a bit sad that we even have to have these talks. It's one thing to talk about the birds and the bees --it is totally another that young *non-white* kids need to be taught how not to get arrested, killed, etc., that girls have to be taught how not to be raped and somehow we need to teach boys what rape is.
I know that part of this is the societal change that has happened since the social changes that really came to light in the 60's-- before that rape was never mentioned. It didn't happen... or so was the thought. Just ask Emmit Till's mother.
Do you see what I mean?
Raine on 04/17/2013 15:34:43
Quote by clintster:
Thank you for the blog today, Raine. I've actually been thinking on writing on a similar vein in light of Steubenville and the recent rash of fatal slut-shaming. Sen. McConnell's "complacency" remarks were the straws that broke the camel's back.
I'm not sure when to have the talk with Ian. He is simultaneously knowledgable and innocent when it comes to human sexuality. He was calling the equipment "noodle" and "noodle-hole" when he was 4 (he uses much more medically accurate terms now), and knows when something on TV is "sexy". Even so, he has far more interest in Angry Birds than in "sexiness".
There will come a time, I know, when I will have to sit down with him and let him know the facts of sexuality and behavior around the opposite sex (or same sex if he feels those stirrings).
I know that part of this is the societal change that has happened since the social changes that really came to light in the 60's-- before that rape was never mentioned. It didn't happen... or so was the thought. Just ask Emmit Till's mother.
Do you see what I mean?
Comment by Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:35:28
Oh if had been Ghoemert, I would have said so! He is my favorite stupid Texas Republican.
Mondobubba on 04/17/2013 15:35:28
Quote by clintster:Quote by Mondobubba:
Another day, another Texas Republican says something really stupid. Everything (including the stupid) is bigger in Texas.
Huh. I was expecting Goemert.
Oh if had been Ghoemert, I would have said so! He is my favorite stupid Texas Republican.
Comment by wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:37:01
the creepiest
wickedpam on 04/17/2013 15:37:01
Quote by Mondobubba:Quote by wickedpam:Quote by Mondobubba:
Is it me, or is Mark Sandford kinda creepy?
no, he's a creeper
the creepiest
Comment by clintster on 04/17/2013 15:44:54
clintster on 04/17/2013 15:44:54
What the hell?
A suspicious package at Sen. Richard Shelby's office? Whoever is doing this is really going for maximum trollage.
A suspicious package at Sen. Richard Shelby's office? Whoever is doing this is really going for maximum trollage.
Comment by BobR on 04/17/2013 15:45:56
Some expert said on Maddow last night that they get a lot of false positives. Ricin false positives are the largest percentage. We won't know until later today whether these are truly tainted.
This is only a story because of the bombing.
BobR on 04/17/2013 15:45:56
Quote by Raine:
here we go again... Second letter with RICIN sent
To Obama.@TerryMoran BREAKING: @ABC has learned a SECOND letter sent to the US Senate has tested positive for the poison ricin.
Some expert said on Maddow last night that they get a lot of false positives. Ricin false positives are the largest percentage. We won't know until later today whether these are truly tainted.
This is only a story because of the bombing.