Thank God for Ben Carson. He will save the Republican Party that is currently in disarray. In fact, the party has never been in more need of leadership; currently this was found on Craigslist.
Speaker of the House
compensation: $125K to start
employment type: full-time
The US House of Representatives (AKA, "the House" or "the government" sometimes referred to as "the guvment" sic) is seeking a Republican to lead the House. No experience required but it'd be nice if you understood basic rules of conducting and running large scale meetings. "Roberts Rules of Order for Dummies" will be provided. Pay is based on experience but includes lots of benefits. Responsibilities include: tracking and understanding Federal legislations and laws, speaking to the press (liberal media) wielding a large over-sized wooden gavel, dealing with members of the Republican party that seem a tad out of touch with realities and may need adult supervision but can't be fired. EOE but we prefer a white guy. Send resume and letter of intent to John Boehner, c/o Izzy's Lounge (corner booth), Washington DC 20001.
But I digress.
Ben Carson is here to save the republican party. Why, you ask? Well he is the refreshing face of "non" politics. That's right, he has zero, NO experience as a politician, with the political process, or even the players on the world stage that affect whether we are at war or peace. And that's what this country needs right now, someone who doesn't know the difference between the Quds and the Kurds (Donald Trump) or who will run the country like a business empire (Carly Fiorina).
Ben Carson is the leading force, currently, in restoring our country to its former glory, because he doesn't understand politics and won't let that get in his way. It's like getting on a train and having no idea where you're going, you'll just take things as they come and enjoy the ride! So what if the train derails because you forgot to grease the wheels, you'll just deal with that problem when it comes.
So who is Dr. Ben Carson?
He's a neurosurgeon with sleepy eyes and a sleepy voice that will lull you into thinking he's brilliant. He can tell you that going to prison will make you gay and, if you're still awake, believe that it's true. Yes, that makes perfect sense! That's why there's lesbians in "Orange is the New Black" and anal sex in "Oz".
Carson's gift of making people sleepy means that in order to understand his platform, you have to read the details. This is a great strategy that might be helpful in dealing with other world leaders. Lets see Putin stay awake in a meeting on nukes with Ben Carson! Of course the downside of this is that we can't always believe what people write about him because there is always the possibility that they also fell asleep during his speech and so just made up ridiculous crap or just misinterpreted what he actually
Did Carson really compare Obamacare to slavery? I mean, that's just too
crazy. Or, did he compare gay sex to bestiality? I mean, come on
. These cannot be accurate statements; it's just too absurd. It would be like someone, oh, I don't know.... blaming the victims of a school shooting for getting shot because they didn't rush the shooter. Just crazy!
No, Ben Carson is a reasonable man who offers a refreshing change from politics as usual. After all, aren't you tired of having "politicians"
being politicians? Wouldn't you go to a proctologist or a dentist who has no experience? That would be refreshing and new wouldn't it? Let's stop hiring or electing people based on their experience.
I'm running for Speaker of the House.