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A Liberal Apology
Author: velveeta jones
Date: 04/18/2010 14:52:15
Dear Teabaggers/Republicans,
(Oh, sorry, we're supposed to believe that the Tea Party™ is an independent movement made up with "grass roots" supporters).
First, I'd like to apologize for your tax cuts. I know, Obama is supposed to RAISE taxes thereby confirming your belief that he is a SOCIALIST and a FASCIST at the same time. But, there he went, lowering taxes for everyone that made under $250K/year. Maybe it's not you but certainly the "grass roots" people that developed, er, thought up the movement - they had to pay more, or at least the same, in taxes. People like Sean Hannity for example. He makes well, well, well, over $250,000 a year.
But I digress.
I would also like to formally ask your forgiveness for ruining the marriages of Jesse James/Sandra Bullock as well as endangering the marriage of Tiger Woods and his adorable mate Elin, due to the gay people of the United States. If there were no gay people I am sure they would never have strayed from their sacred union. There are many other perfectly hetero couples who remain at risk because gay people have been able to marry in some states. I know that even two lesbians getting married in Vermont can affect the marriage of some cowboy in Montana who may wander into a strip club because of that union.
Recently Dictator Obama issued a directive ordering all hospitals that take Federal money must let gays visit whoever they damn well please in any hospital.
Oh dear, I read that incorrectly, seems the gays are only allowed to visit their partner and/or dear friends, not everyone who lays in a hospital bed. Also, it seems the new rule would benefit opposite sex couples as well. Those people that have the right to marry but choose not to.
Anyway, we gay right supporters remain very sorry for all of this confusion and helter skelter involving your marriages, your love lives, your personal relationships to your God and your inability to have a wide stance in a restroom without fear.
We are deeply, deeply remorseful that the economy seems to be turning around. So sorry they stimulus appears to be working and putting Americans to work repairing and rebuilding our infrastructure. Damn. And after all that hard work that you guys had your men do from 2001 to 2008!
It seems I must also apologize for those Wall Street guys. Looks like they may be getting some restrictions put on them and they might loose some of their FREEDOMS to lure unsuspecting and/or gullible Americans away from their life savings! The nerve of us! It's like we are ripping the Lear Jets and gold plated faucets and extra beach mansions out from under their Bruno Maglis shoes.
On behalf of us, the Liberals/progressives/left leaning moderates that make up approximately 95% of Americans, we are deeply sorry.
I hope that this tax cut that you probably received will in some way help you feel better.
(Oh, sorry, we're supposed to believe that the Tea Party™ is an independent movement made up with "grass roots" supporters).
First, I'd like to apologize for your tax cuts. I know, Obama is supposed to RAISE taxes thereby confirming your belief that he is a SOCIALIST and a FASCIST at the same time. But, there he went, lowering taxes for everyone that made under $250K/year. Maybe it's not you but certainly the "grass roots" people that developed, er, thought up the movement - they had to pay more, or at least the same, in taxes. People like Sean Hannity for example. He makes well, well, well, over $250,000 a year.
But I digress.
I would also like to formally ask your forgiveness for ruining the marriages of Jesse James/Sandra Bullock as well as endangering the marriage of Tiger Woods and his adorable mate Elin, due to the gay people of the United States. If there were no gay people I am sure they would never have strayed from their sacred union. There are many other perfectly hetero couples who remain at risk because gay people have been able to marry in some states. I know that even two lesbians getting married in Vermont can affect the marriage of some cowboy in Montana who may wander into a strip club because of that union.
Recently Dictator Obama issued a directive ordering all hospitals that take Federal money must let gays visit whoever they damn well please in any hospital.
WASHINGTON — President Obama on Thursday ordered his health secretary to issue new rules aimed at granting hospital visiting rights to same-sex partners.
The White House announced the rule changes, which will also make it easier for gay men and lesbians to make medical decisions on behalf of their partners, in a memorandum released Thursday night. In it, the president said the new rules would affect any hospital that participates in Medicare or Medicaid, the government programs to cover the elderly and the poor.
“Every day, all across America, patients are denied the kindness and caring of a loved one at their sides,” Mr. Obama said in the memorandum, adding that the rules could also help widows and widowers who rely on friends and members of religious orders who care for one another. But he says gay men and lesbians are “uniquely affected” because they are often barred from visiting partners with whom they have spent decades.
Oh dear, I read that incorrectly, seems the gays are only allowed to visit their partner and/or dear friends, not everyone who lays in a hospital bed. Also, it seems the new rule would benefit opposite sex couples as well. Those people that have the right to marry but choose not to.
Anyway, we gay right supporters remain very sorry for all of this confusion and helter skelter involving your marriages, your love lives, your personal relationships to your God and your inability to have a wide stance in a restroom without fear.
We are deeply, deeply remorseful that the economy seems to be turning around. So sorry they stimulus appears to be working and putting Americans to work repairing and rebuilding our infrastructure. Damn. And after all that hard work that you guys had your men do from 2001 to 2008!
It seems I must also apologize for those Wall Street guys. Looks like they may be getting some restrictions put on them and they might loose some of their FREEDOMS to lure unsuspecting and/or gullible Americans away from their life savings! The nerve of us! It's like we are ripping the Lear Jets and gold plated faucets and extra beach mansions out from under their Bruno Maglis shoes.
On behalf of us, the Liberals/progressives/left leaning moderates that make up approximately 95% of Americans, we are deeply sorry.
I hope that this tax cut that you probably received will in some way help you feel better.
