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Tough guys have dogs
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 01/13/2008 14:22:59

Remember that kid in High School who had to be the best at everything? The biggest, the loudest, the best at sports, the best hair, the hottest girlfriend. That annoying big shot that everyone hated, but all the other guys wanted to hang around with, and all the girls wanted to date. Well, most of the girls. Maybe you were that guy. I was NOT that girl.

These guys always had some little peon that would hang around them, continuing to boost their reputation, doing the big shots homework and taking the fall when he messed up. All the while hoping and praying that the big shot would throw something, anything, their way.

The peons were like the little dog in those Warner Bros cartoons, Chester, an enthusiastic little terrier that would follow the big bulldog, Spike, around - bouncing at his feet and stroking his ego: “That’s my pal, Spike, and he’s big and brave”.


Well, those little Chester’s have grown up and are now running for President of the United States as a Republican.

C’mon, does anyone think any of these guys were ever “Big Man on Campus”? Would a Fred Thompson or a Rudy Giuliani have young hot (some say) wives unless they had something else to temp them with. (The mind wanders at what exactly that could be, but gag reflex prevents Velveeta from going into those deep dark recesses of the mind).

Well now they want to be the "bulldog", the big shot, the bad-assed tough guy. And
they want to prove it. How tough? Huckabee and Thompson had to one-up each other at the FOX news SC debate the other night, with Fred calling Mike Huckabee a "Liberal" (gasp).

“On the one hand,” he said, “you have the Reagan revolution, you have the Reagan coalition of limited government and strong national security. And the other hand, you have the direction that Governor Huckabee would take us in. He would be a Christian leader, but he would also bring about liberal economic policies, liberal foreign policies.”

And when asked about whether the US Navy had taken the proper action on the
Iranian speedboats Huckabee said: “Be prepared, first, to put your sights on the American vessel. And then be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of Hell, because that is exactly what you will see after that." The gates of Hell!! Damn!! He’s channeling John Wayne and Ronny Raygun at the same time.

Not to be outdone, Thompson adds this: "I think one more step and they would have been introduced to those virgins that they're looking forward to seeing," Whoops. Uh, Fred these were Iranians……not Al Qaeda terrorists. Close enough for FOX viewers though.

Rudy and Romney continue to nitpick on whose immigration reform is worse, er, better. Romney says that “Mr. Sanctuary-City Rudy” has a plan that is just amnesty. No, no its not amnesty, insists Rudy. Its just letting them stay in this country as long as they pay a $5000 fine, pay taxes (no tax cuts for them?), use a swipable biometric ID, get fingerprinted, get a micro-chip, learn to speak and write English, promise not to break any laws, spend time in prison for the ones they did break and build the fence that will keep out their families. Simple! By the way, Rudy wants illegal’s to learn English (its already a condition of becoming a documented alien) yet he’s doing an ad in Florida in………..Spanish?

But Rudy is such a bad-ass, I’m surprised he’s not already a member of a notorious motorcycle gang. This is the guy that put the office of Emergency Management INSIDE THE WORLD TRADE CENTER AFTER IT WAS ALREADY BOMBED! Now, that’s a crotch grabbing FU if ever I saw one!

Rudy is so damn tough, he’s not even campaigning in most states. Total bad-ass! Even his staff is taking a pay cut:

Rudolph W. Giuliani’s senior campaign aides have given up their paychecks for the month to help save dwindling campaign funds as Mr. Giuliani heads into the crucial primary races where he has staked his candidacy.

With weeks to go until the Jan. 29 primary in Florida and the so-called Super Tuesday races on Feb. 5 in many major states including California, New Jersey and New York, Mr. Giuliani’s campaign has $7 million in cash on hand, the campaign reported.

Mr. Giuliani, the former New York mayor, has directed his entire effort toward winning the big contests, which are in expensive media markets and require extensive spending to ensure placing his message on the airwaves.

These are some tough mother f*ckers , people:

* Rudy is ready to take on Islamic Jihadists ™ with his bare hands. (see his ad in TriSec’s blog yesterday).
* Huckabee is going to crusade against all non Christians, brown people, smokers, abortionists, gays, fat people and anyone who is not currently pregnant or trying to get pregnant.
* Romney has that swell hair, is exactly like Ronald Reagan and will fight the war against gays and terrorists, as long as his son’s can drive around the country in RV‘s.
* McCain promises to continue this war until Bush tells him its okay to stop.
* Thompson is going to cut twice as many taxes as GWBush, HW Bush and Reagan combined, then blow up all sanctuary cities.
* Ron Paul will personally run a sword through the IRS, the Dept of Education, the Dept of Health and Human Services, every single Hospital and free clinic, and of course, NPR.

Above all, they are going to take this country back from all of us limp wristed pansies that say "we want peace". Damn it. Get a gun and go shoot your neighbor you nancy-boy!

59 comments (Latest Comment: 01/14/2008 04:21:24 by livingonli)
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