Happy Halloween all you ghouls and goblins and vampires and werewolves and Jedi knights and sexy nurses!

I have a few tales to tell you, true stories that will send a CHILL up your spine. So, sit back and take heed to these lessons that some people never learned. BOO!

Once upon a time a young couple named Cody and Blair where parked on lovers lane in a dark and wooded area of town, they were making out in the car by the light of the full moon.
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Suddenly, Blair heard a strange noise and, after much pleading, finally convinced Cody to stop kissing her and to investigate the noise.

"Aw, it's just the wind", said Cody, as he climbed out of the car. Cody walked around the car and seeing nothing started to climb back in when suddenly he heard what sounded like a breaking twig in the woods. "Who's there?" cried Cody as he moved towards the area. Blair was frightened, so she rolled up her window and locked the doors while Cody tentatively strode towards the woods.

Soon, Blair could no longer see Cody and she began to panic. She opened her window just a crack and loudly whispered his name, "Cody, Cody". She got no response.

Totally freaked out now, she sunk down into her seat and began to cry softly. Then, she heard a loud THUD on the roof of her car! Too afraid to look out the window or to open the door, she screamed loudly, "CODY, CODY, where are you?".

Suddenly, she saw the headlights of a car. It was some sort of official looking car like a utility truck. The tuck stopped and the driver, a woman, got out of it and slowly walked towards her. The woman motioned to her to get out and told her NOT TO LOOK BACK at the car! Blair did as she said and walked towards the woman and the truck. When she got near enough, she saw the woman in the headlights, it was Sarah Palin! AND, she had brochures in her hands of candidates!!

Blair's heart stopped and she froze in her tracks!! She turned around and saw what Mama Grizzly had been warning her about: Cody's severed and bloody head was on top of his car! Blair knew what she had to do, turning back to look at the leading Tea Party Crazy, Blair made a bee-line back to Cody's car, where she locked herself in.

She realized she made it just in time, for when she looked back at the tuck carrying Mrs Palin, she saw that it was not empty, for inside the truck were.........

.........daughter BRISTOL and her Dancing with the Stars partner Mark Ballas!!!

Blair fainted.
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She lived deep in the forest in a tiny cottage and sold herbal remedies for a living. Folks living in the town nearby called her Bloody Christine, and said she was a witch. None dared cross the old crone for fear that their cows would go dry, their food-stores rot away before winter, their children take sick of fever, or any number of terrible things that an angry witch could do to her neighbors.

Then the little girls in the village began to disappear, one by one. No one could find out where they had gone. Grief-stricken families searched the woods, the local buildings, and all the houses and barns, but there was no sign of the missing girls. A few brave souls even went to Bloody Christine's home in the woods to see if the witch had taken the girls, but she denied any knowledge of the disappearances. Still, it was noted that her haggard appearance had changed. She looked younger, more attractive. The neighbors were suspicious, but they could find no proof that the witch had taken their young ones.

Then came the night when the daughter of the miller rose from her bed and walked outside, following an enchanted sound no one else could hear. The miller's wife had a toothache and was sitting up in the kitchen treating the tooth with an herbal remedy when her daughter left the house. She screamed for her husband and followed the girl out of the door. The miller came running in his nightshirt. Together, they tried to restrain the girl, but she kept breaking away from them and heading out of town.

The desperate cries of the miller and his wife woke the neighbors. They came to assist the frantic couple. Suddenly, a sharp-eyed farmer gave a shout and pointed towards a strange light at the edge of the woods. A few townsmen followed him out into the field and saw Bloody Christine standing beside a large oak tree, holding a magic wand that was pointed towards the miller's house. She was glowing with an unearthly light as she set her evil spell upon the miller's daughter.

The townsmen grabbed their guns and their pitchforks and ran toward the witch. But as they drew close she turned upon them and began to speak these words:

"Your freedoms are at risk. Big Government wants to take away all your rights and tax you TO DEATH! Obama-care is SOCIALISM!! Heed these words you little people, you will RUE THE DAY when you let liberal, commie, homo-loving, socialistic fascists take away your guns and freedoms! If those progressive Muslim-loving, hippies win in November, they will want to give therapy sessions to the Islam-orrists! Heed my words, heed my words!!"

And so, the townspeople walked away and went home and went back to bed. They did not get up on November 2nd and go out to vote.

From that day to this, anyone foolish enough to chant Bloody Christines's name three times before a darkened mirror will summon the vengeful spirit of the witch. It is said that she will leave them impotent and frigid and forever bitter and angry.