Santorum. Just the word strikes fear in some; it is a name coated in ambiguity, reeking from being in the depths of some deep, dark, secret hole. Unpleasant, to say the least.

But still, he remains committed to running for President in 2012. Here, for your consideration, are the facts about him as far as I can tell from the internet.

Born in a hippie commune in Berkley to a single lesbian mother, Richard (who later became known as "Tricky Ricky") was a precocious child who often ran around the commune naked from the waist down. But by the time he was able to drive, his mother demanded that start wearing pants.

Putting on pants seemed to have brought about a profound spiritual change for Rick, and he left the commune to go to Pennsylvania and study business, eventually earning his MBA. Soon after college he married wife number one, Karen, an English major. It should be noted here that he is still on wife number one setting a new record for longtime first wife marriage in the Republican party since Ronald Reagan! A true oddity, indeed.

Oh, no. Not Ronald Reagan.... nevermind.

Anyway, he and Karen began procreating as soon as possible, and had several children. One of their infants, sadly, died in childbirth. In 1996, their son Gabriel Michael was born prematurely and lived for only two hours. Karen would later write a book about the experience saying that the couple brought the deceased infant home from the hospital and introduced the dead child to their living children as "your brother Gabriel" and slept with the body overnight before returning it to the hospital.

On an unrelated note, the other Santorum children are in intense therapy on a regular basis.

In 1990, at age 32, Santorum was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives from Pennsylvania's 18th District, located in the eastern suburbs of Pittsburgh. He was reelected in 1992, thanks to the Republicans second favorite tool for getting and retaining offices: redistricting.

In 1994 he was elected to the U.S. Senate and quickly rose to the position of Chairman of the Senate Republican Conference. As Chairman, Santorum directed the communications operations of Senate Republicans and was a frequent party spokesperson, speaking mostly about the sins of homos and how only straight people of the same ethic background should be married.

Other than the obvious catchphrase that is attributed to his name, he is also responsible for coming up with the following terms which are always fun to google: "Islamic Fascism" (whatever that means), "Cold Jerky", "Russian Toilette" and "Pooformance Anxiety".

Rick Santorum is strongly against the following: anything Homo-related, abortions under any circumstances, Unions, having a minimum wage, letting the radical Islamics win in their three-century-old plot to restore Shia clerics to power and bring "the 12th Imam" out of hiding, and the National Weather Service.

Here are a few things he supports: Prayer in public schools (Christian only), privatization of Social Security, tax breaks for the rich and corporations, building a big-ass wall along our border (Mexican, not Canadian) and he is also a big supporter of animal rights. Animals, just not gays.

Rick Santorum 2012: The name says it all.