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Why We Need ID's
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 09/02/2012 14:56:29

What is all the controversy over showing that you're a true American citizen to vote? I mean, you need an ID to buy beer - at least for awhile until they stop asking and you wish they still would. You need an ID to drive, to apply for a school loan, to rent a car or buy a yacht. You need ID to open a bank account or get another credit card and you need ID to get a job most of the time. So why should it be any different for voting?

Here are some other things we should have to show ID for:

You need to prove to me that you're an American if you want to watch fireworks on the 4th of July. My tax dollars paid for those Chinese contraptions so only real bonafide Americans should get to watch them. All others must stay inside with the doors closed and towels covering their eyes. We Americans will enjoy the glittery faux bombs and music by Lee Atwood.

Which brings me to a real American icon: baseball. Now if you're a tourist visiting America I think it's fine for you to come to one of our games as long as you're traveling with an American citizen who can vouch for you. Otherwise, this sport is off limits to non-Americans. Believe me, plenty of people will try to walk right into our stadiums and watch the Yankees lose to the Red Sox while enjoying a hotdog. That could be YOUR SEAT that illegal is taking! You can have football, ice hockey, basketball, and tennis. Hands off baseball you thieves.

Speaking freely. This is guaranteed under our Constitution. But only for us. Wanna say something that's on your mind that may or may not be pro or anti government? Take it to Somali or wherever you're from!

Using the neighborhood Laundromat. Yeah, that's right. That's MY American water running through those machines. Don't you use it up and get my washer infested with whatever parasites you have in Oingo Boingo. Present your passport to the nice lady up front who works here folding clothes making $4.75/hour and has a Mexican accent.

Are you Heterosexual? Do you want to get married overlooking our purple mountains majesty? Only if you show your Drivers license, passport, original Social Security Card and long form birth certificate.

We know that is scant evidence of voter fraud from individuals. Though we could make a case that the Supreme court committed voter fraud by stopping the recount in 2000, but I digress. There have been very few actual cases of individuals getting in their car and going to vote when they are not citizens or changing their address to vote someplace different or what-have-you. Just doesn't happen much. Sure, there could be those rare occasions when someone claims, for example, to live one place - like say, a basement in Massachusetts when they are actually living in La Jolla California. These are so very rare. And let's face it, wouldn't an ID prevent that? I mean, if you can lie about where you live so you can vote somewhere else, you couldn't possibly lie to get an ID could you?

We need ID laws on the books to vote because it is just getting more and more difficult to tell if that black or brown or Asian looking person is an American, isn't it? Of course we know that if you're pure white you are American. Well, I suppose you could be Canadian, but why would a Canuck want to vote in America?

So, get off your ass and get your paperwork ready. You'll need the following:
State Drivers license
SS card (original)
Birth Certificate long form
or
BirthCertificate short form with passport
Utility bill
Your middle school year book
Library card
Pet rabies tag(s)
Your vaccination records from birth
A letter from your Mother
Then you must be able to recite (or sing) the National Anthem.

Once you've accomplished these simple things you may step behind the voting box.

Thank you for voting!

3 comments (Latest Comment: 09/02/2012 19:00:45 by Raine)
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