So, football players don't like gay people. Well, I'm betting that when they smoke their weed and watch porn they don't complain about the requisite girl on girl scene. But gay guys in the locker room and on the field might do things like chest bump them, smack their teammates ass or jump on top of each other and throw them to the ground and pile on! Disgusting behavior! Thank goodness these overly straight men don't engage in anything that might even remotely seem "faggoty".
Why, these guys are so straight, they even beat their wives on a regular basis so I hear.
Speaking of wife beating, we often hear that Super Bowl Sunday is the biggest day of violence against women from their husbands/boyfriends. While I don't think this is true, just to play it safe, I'll be keeping an eye on you BobR. Don't even think about it. :P
Here are a just a few of examples of manly straightness:
Ray Lewis of the Ravens possibly killed two men! Now that
is straight! He was initially charged with murder, felony murder and aggravated assault in deaths of two men the night of the Super Bowl in Atlanta in 2000. He pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and paid a $250,000 NFL fine.
Terrell Suggs, also of the Ravens was charged with felony aggravated assault for an incident outside Phoenix Municipal Stadium, but was later acquitted.
Chris Culliver of the 49ers wanted to make sure that you knew he was not a gay.
In a radio interview last week he made these comments:
I donít do the guys. I donít do that. We donít have any gays on the team. They gotta get up outta here if they do. Canít be with that sweet stuff.
Regardless of whatever the hell he meant by that, the intolerance is not lost on anyone. Fortunately for him, he has a PR team available 24/7; and they were busy cleaning up that mess before todays big game. NOW he says:
The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel.
And, to truly prove that he's a swell guy he has undergone sensitivity training and will now work with The Trevor Project. Here is the article
, put out by the NFL to make sure you know that he's really a good guy. Velveeta has lived waaaaay too long and is much to cynical to believe in this happy glittery unicorn fluff, but hey, at least the Trevor Project will benefit from the publicity and if one High School or College future football star believes it, maybe we can eventually turn things around.
But what we really need is an out player. Not just out, but someone who is a kick-ass player who is super nelly and fay on the day's off. Someone who dominates the field on game day, and leads the parade in drag on Gay Day.
Come on. There are at least 1700 professional NFL players, that means there are about 170 players that go home to their boyfriends. Come on out, you can make a big difference!