About Us
Mission Statement
Rules of Conduct
 
Name:
Pswd:
Remember Me
Register
 

You have such a pretty face
Author: Raine    Date: 09/04/2014 13:36:46

I have a story to tell.. All of the events are true. The reason why I am telling this story is because I read this excerpt from Senator Gillanbrands biography.
“Good thing you’re working out, because you wouldn’t want to get porky!” one of her older male colleagues said. Her response: “Thanks, a—hole,” she said in an excerpt from her book.

An unidentified southern congressman once held the former upstate House member’s arm while walking her down the chamber’s center aisle. “You know, Kirsten, you’re even pretty when you’re fat,” he told her.
Isn't that nice of said southern congressman?

Let me tell you a story. I know a person who has a parental unit in a wheelchair. He was lucky to survive the accident that took away his ability to walk over well over a decade ago. He is a good person. He has a far different lifestyle than mine, but he is a good person. The person was graduating from high school with her parents and step-parents in attendance. Graduations are wonderful moments to celebrate a person we know and love. After the graduation, I went over to congratulate her father.

We smiled and laughed and told a few jokes. Then he said something that has not left me to this day. *You know, Raine, I don't mean this in a bad way, but you are starting to look just like your mother.* It took me less than a few moments to contemplate this statement before I said something that I don't feel good about to this day.

I said to him, I may be fat, <his name>, but hey! - When is the baby due? I then patted him on his stomach. Situation diffused with a dark joke.

You see, many people confined to wheelchairs often do fine themselves with a bit of a belly. At that moment of time, I was truly astounded that a man, a man in a wheelchair chose to mock my body. It bothered me. It bothered me because he actually pitted my body image against my mother. My mother was not there to defend herself. He mocked my body for not being as skinny as I once was.

If I were a better woman, I would not have made that joke. I would have asked him: what is wrong with my mother? I did not. Instead, I chose to diffuse the situation by turning it on him and trying to create laughter. The reality is this IMO: I should never have had to do that. I certainly could have told him I was offended right there. Right there in front of the graduate, his wife and other family friends. Instead, I felt the only recourse was to use comedic levity. I am so over being told to lighten up over my body being mocked for not being whatever ideal men might have for it. I am so over being told it is just a joke. This was meant to be a moment to celebrate a young woman graduating from High School.

There are a million things to laugh about in this world, just as there are a million things to cry about in this world. Using levity to deflect another person's judgement of mine or any other person's body should not be one of them. Yet, I do just that. I do it because it's in the past.

When Senator Gillibrand was faced with that comment from a gentlemen from the South, I can honestly say, I am glad it was her and not me. She is fortunate enough to have a platform to be able to publish a book.

This is the kind of sexism (and fat-shaming, which is in my opinion another offshoot of sexism) that occurs in this nation. It happens right inside our legislative chambers. It happens every day. If it didn't articles like this would not be needed.

You know, I don't need a man to tell me I am pretty even when I am fat. I won't lie here, I do ask my husband how I look. I care about how how I look. It wouldn't take a big huge leap to say that many people care. It's called taking pride, the way I see it. The problem is: there's this strange idea that certain parts of the male contingent seem to think they are the harbingers of what women should look like.

We talk so much in this nation about women finding a place from within to find and love themselves… how about we start with men just loving us for who we are, regardless of what they think we as women should look like?

We women would not generally say ever say "you <insert a man's name> still look pretty even if you ARE fat".

The Senator was only fat in the minds of the men she mentioned. She is a minority in the Senate. I seriously have to wonder if those men are a majority in this country. I hope that these instances eventually get tossed to the dustbins of history, but for now, they are still here, every damn day.

and
Raine
 

59 comments (Latest Comment: 09/05/2014 00:04:46 by Scoopster)
   Perma Link

Share This!

Furl it!
Spurl
NewsVine
Reddit
Technorati

Add a Comment

Please login to add a comment...


Comments:

Order comments Newest to Oldest  Refresh Comments

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 13:48:36
Morning

I never seem to raise above the level of "you have such a cute face" or the "you'd be pretty if..." And yes cute is lower the pretty, pretty is lower the beautiful.

It's not wonder women have self-esteem issues that are lower then lowest sub-basement in hell.

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 13:58:12
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

I never seem to raise above the level of "you have such a cute face" or the "you'd be pretty if..." And yes cute is lower the pretty, pretty is lower the beautiful.

It's not wonder women have self-esteem issues that are lower then lowest sub-basement in hell.


I get tired of basically being told to get over it when I actually do speak out.

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 14:01:25
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Morning

I never seem to raise above the level of "you have such a cute face" or the "you'd be pretty if..." And yes cute is lower the pretty, pretty is lower the beautiful.

It's not wonder women have self-esteem issues that are lower then lowest sub-basement in hell.


I get tired of basically being told to get over it when I actually do speak out.


Or the "you're being too sensitive"

Really? really? let me tell you every day how you have failed and keep harping on it.

Comment by BobR on 09/04/2014 14:04:31
It's always the fat, bald, ugly guys who determine a woman's entire worth by her appearance.

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 14:08:40
Quote by BobR:
It's always the fat, bald, ugly guys who determine a woman's entire worth by her appearance.


oh they are just one on the many factions heard from.

Its still considered okay to make fun of, diminish, be rude to, discriminate against and so on, people of size.

Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 14:46:32
Mornin' all..

This morning's discussion kinda reminded me of this. Rrrrawr Maria de Medeiros!



Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 14:51:14
Good morning, bloggers!!! How are you?

I am back today from meeting with a job counselor. I let a friend know that I applied to a tech writer position at his company.

I hate to say it, but we have not made as much progress on issues of racism, sexism, and classism as I would like. Our culture seems to be turning cruder.

Raine, sometimes I think that generational change will be what puts the stake through the heart of many of our social ills.

As we could use something hopeful, here are some up and coming leaders in the Democratic Party.

Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 14:58:36
WCPT is running some of the local hosts this week instead of Stephanie Miller. There is a good discussion on Illinois politics.

Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 15:08:32
Something funny is going on in a few of these races this year.

In the Alaska Governor's race, the Dem nominee has dropped out, swung his support to the independent candidate and joined his ticket as the Lt.Gov. pick. All in an effort to unseat the highly unpopular GOP governor Sean Parnell, who would have likely won a 3-way contest.

Then there's Kansas, which was highlighted on Rachel Maddow yesterday. Similar deal here - the Dem party nominee has dropped out of the race and given his endorsement to a VERY popular independent candidate, in an effort to unseat GOP Sen. Pat Roberts.

And finally North Carolina, where Sen. Kay Hagan is in a tough contest with Rep. Thom Tillis, the Speaker of the NC House. There's an extremely potent Libertarian Party candidate in the race, and he's pulling a lot of support from both sides. However we know Libertarians tend to pull more from the GOP candidate these days, so things are looking very good now for Hagan.

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 15:08:53
Quote by Scoopster:
Mornin' all..

This morning's discussion kinda reminded me of this. Rrrrawr Maria de Medeiros!

nice catch Scoop!


Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 15:10:21
Comment by BobR on 09/04/2014 16:07:59

In practical terms, this means that July's judgment cutting off subsidies to consumers who buy insurance plans in federally-operated health exchanges is no more. It has ceased to be. It is, in fact, an ex-judgment.


Nice Monty Python reference!

Comment by Mondobubba on 09/04/2014 16:10:33
Quote by BobR:

In practical terms, this means that July's judgment cutting off subsidies to consumers who buy insurance plans in federally-operated health exchanges is no more. It has ceased to be. It is, in fact, an ex-judgment.


Nice Monty Python reference!


You did go with Think Progress' reportage.

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 16:11:21
And people think designers are passé….

Kerning people, KERNING!

Comment by Mondobubba on 09/04/2014 16:11:41
Welcome to idiopathic digestive complaints! Spin the wheel for random fun. Said no one ever.

Comment by Mondobubba on 09/04/2014 16:14:30
Quote by Raine:
And people think designers are passé….

Kerning people, KERNING!



Why would any one think that?



Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 16:28:55
Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 17:10:43
Comment by TriSec on 09/04/2014 17:50:46
Everybody digs BILL EVANS.

Comment by BobR on 09/04/2014 18:00:42
Quote by TriSec:
Everybody digs BILL EVANS.



Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 18:04:57


Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 18:50:39
Eric Holder speaking now on Ferguson.

Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 18:53:52
Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 18:58:15
Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:00:40
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:07:40
Good bye Joan...

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:10:25
Quote by wickedpam:
Good bye Joan...
You are listening to WTOP as well, I see.


Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 19:10:45
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off

Au contraie, ma soeur! First three counts (Conspiracy, Wire Fraud x2) all Guilty!

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:10:51
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:12:14
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:12:46
Guilty on 11 corruption charges.

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:13:09
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:13:28
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Good bye Joan...
You are listening to WTOP as well, I see.



no, it went thru my twitter timeline

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:14:06
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



I really am happy to be wrong - really thought they were gonna get off.


Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:18:56
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



I really am happy to be wrong - really thought they were gonna get off.
I really didm;t think they would. Their defense was atrocious. Absolutely atrocious.

Comment by livingonli on 09/04/2014 19:19:55
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



I really am happy to be wrong - really thought they were gonna get off.

That's what you get when you use an LA Law episode for your defense strategy. I wonder how many in the jury saw that episode. What works in fiction doesn't necessarily work in real life. And sometimes truth is stranger in fiction.

Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 19:21:12
Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:22:59
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



I really am happy to be wrong - really thought they were gonna get off.
I really didm;t think they would. Their defense was atrocious. Absolutely atrocious.


It was, and mainly about throwing his wife under several buses, a ferrari and lord know how any semi-truck full of that supplement.

Just seen too many Repub get off for littlest thing and in that part of VA I wasn't holding out much hope


Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:24:45
Quote by livingonli:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by wickedpam:
looks like a verdict for McDonnell's been reached.

Bet he gets off
Guilty (both) on the first count of bribery.



wow! I've been happily proven wrong.

Twitter's saying 11 counts of guilty for the Mr & Mrs
PEr WaPo.

Holy shit!



I really am happy to be wrong - really thought they were gonna get off.

That's what you get when you use an LA Law episode for your defense strategy. I wonder how many in the jury saw that episode. What works in fiction doesn't necessarily work in real life. And sometimes truth is stranger in fiction.


god, it was so very LA Law XD


Comment by BobR on 09/04/2014 19:27:50
How did the Cooch skate free on this one?

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:29:16
Quote by BobR:
How did the Cooch skate free on this one?
Someone made a deal. I have no question in my mind about this.

I am just glad that slime is not the Governor.

HOWEVER… we still have to worry about Cantor.

Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 19:30:52
Quote by Raine:
Quote by BobR:
How did the Cooch skate free on this one?
Someone made a deal. I have no question in my mind about this.

I am just glad that slime is not the Governor.

HOWEVER… we still have to worry about Cantor.



It is right to worry about this. I can see Cantor running for office again.

As for the verdict, I am not surprised. The defense seemed bizarre.

Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:33:51
Quote by Will in Chicago:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by BobR:
How did the Cooch skate free on this one?
Someone made a deal. I have no question in my mind about this.

I am just glad that slime is not the Governor.

HOWEVER… we still have to worry about Cantor.



It is right to worry about this. I can see Cantor running for office again.

As for the verdict, I am not surprised. The defense seemed bizarre.
OF course he is, why do you think he's only got a two year contract with this DC bank? HE's friends with the owner of it.

Comment by Will in Chicago on 09/04/2014 19:35:29
Quote by Raine:
Quote by Will in Chicago:
Quote by Raine:
Quote by BobR:
How did the Cooch skate free on this one?
Someone made a deal. I have no question in my mind about this.

I am just glad that slime is not the Governor.

HOWEVER… we still have to worry about Cantor.



It is right to worry about this. I can see Cantor running for office again.

As for the verdict, I am not surprised. The defense seemed bizarre.
OF course he is, why do you think he's only got a two year contract with this DC bank? HE's friends with the owner of it.



My question is whether Cantor is limiting himself to Virginia or does he hope to get the GOP vice presidential slot.


Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:42:12
Quote by Scoopster:
Not to intrude on the excellent bit of news coming from Virginia buuuut...

This just in from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals! It's worth reading the whole decision just for Posner's comments alone.
I may have to save this for later. I am too busy being happy for justice served.


Comment by Raine on 09/04/2014 19:43:37
How long until TransVag bob moves back home to his wife?

Comment by Mondobubba on 09/04/2014 19:44:32



OHH! Please let it be Perry then Scott and Christy!

Comment by Scoopster on 09/04/2014 19:46:36
Quote by Raine:
Quote by Scoopster:
Not to intrude on the excellent bit of news coming from Virginia buuuut...

This just in from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals! It's worth reading the whole decision just for Posner's comments alone.
I may have to save this for later. I am too busy being happy for justice served.

The points he makes are really masterful. I'm thinking about writing a blog tonite to summarize it.

Comment by wickedpam on 09/04/2014 19:49:43
Quote by Mondobubba:



OHH! Please let it be Perry then Scott and Christy!


Perry was just indicted a few months ago so I don't expect that for a year or two. I'd love to see Christi but he's their golden boy to run. Don't think they want to mess up his chances. Scott's been teetering for a while that might be the one.