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Goodbye World !
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 12/09/2012 14:51:16

I woke up early this morning, drenched in sweat. It was still dark outside - still night, yet I felt as if the sun was blazing down on me and I was laying on a beach in the tropics. Sweat raced down my body, making the bed a soggy mess. This was it, my first sign of the dreaded menopause. I could feel the bed sagging and the sheets swelling against my body as the sweat came pouring out of me.

Menopause. End of life. I laid in the bed trying to decide which would be the fastest way to end it all. Gun? Poison? Pills? I did like the way that Maude ended her life in the cult classic Harold and Maude. Perhaps I could jump off a bridge? The plans started forming...
.
Drowning. That seemed good. I would go kayaking, white water, fall out, no life vest. Quick and exciting at the same time. I opened my eyes, my plans were set. There would be no more of this menopause crap. Just a few quick 'goodbyes' get some things in order and be done with it. I looked at the digital clock that also housed a temperature gauge. It was 3:08am and 59 degrees. Wait......... WHAT?

59° in December? There were Christmas decorations up! There was a tree in my living room! Stockings by the fireplace! I was in..... oh wait a minute. I'm in flannel PJ's and have two blankets on me. Hahahaha... oh dear. There was no 'menopause' it was only that pesky global climate change. Whew!

NOAA reports that 2012 will be the warmest year on record.
The average temperature for the contiguous U.S. during November was 44.1°F, 2.1°F above the 20th century average, tying 2004 as the 20th warmest November on record. The autumn contiguous U.S. temperature of 54.7°F was the 21st warmest autumn, 1.1°F above average.

The November nationally-averaged precipitation total of 1.19 inches was 0.93 inch below the long-term average and the 8th driest November on record. The autumn precipitation total for the contiguous U.S. was 5.71 inches, 1.0 inch below average.

There's even a mag/graphic:
http://www1.ncdc.noaa.gov/pub/data/cmb/images/us/2012/nov/monthlysigeventmap-112012.gif


The New York Times wrote about the rising sea levels recently:
Now we are in a new warming phase, and the oceans are rising again after thousands of years of stability. As scientists who study sea level change and storm surge, we fear that Hurricane Sandy gave only a modest preview of the dangers to come, as we continue to power our global economy by burning fuels that pollute the air with heat-trapping gases.

This past summer, a disconcerting new scientific study by the climate scientist Michiel Schaeffer and colleagues — published in the journal Nature Climate Change — suggested that no matter how quickly we cut this pollution, we are unlikely to keep the seas from climbing less than five feet.


Great. I don't have to worry about killing myself, my kind has been doing it for me.

But maybe this is just the usual liberal "doom and gloom" anti free market, pro socialist, hippy talk?

Wait, this guy here is a scientist and he says it's all a hoax. I like this. Makes sense.

The fact is that CO2 is not a pollutant. CO2 is a colorless and odorless gas, exhaled at high concentrations by each of us, and a key component of the biosphere's life cycle. Plants do so much better with more CO2 that greenhouse operators often increase the CO2 concentrations by factors of three or four to get better growth. This is no surprise since plants and animals evolved when CO2 concentrations were about 10 times larger than they are today. Better plant varieties, chemical fertilizers and agricultural management contributed to the great increase in agricultural yields of the past century, but part of the increase almost certainly came from additional CO2 in the atmosphere.


This comforts me and makes sense right? Plants like CO2 and in fact NEED it. So we should make more, it'll help the trees and flowers!

There is even a website devoted to debunking this hoax. Yep. I'm getting on this bandwagon. It's just easier for me. I want to believe that the polar bears aren't dying - they are just moving to the tropics and having a grand ole time! There are no more floods, hurricanes, tornados, brush fires, or other disasters than there used to be. No, they've just moved to different places. More hurricanes in New York and New England than the Gulf Coast. Species are dying out, but new ones are being discovered; frogs with two heads and larger legs makes better eating.

So, suck it Al Gore! I'm going to make my footprint even bigger! I need to build a 25,000 sq. ft. home near the water. Can I get a car elevator?
 

14 comments (Latest Comment: 12/10/2012 17:01:36 by Scoopster)
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