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The Candidates Part Cain!
Author: velveeta jones
Date: 08/28/2011 15:04:28
Herman Cain is indeed running for President on the GOP ticket in 2012. I know, I know, I also thought it was just a joke. Turns out, he really means it! Has a website and everything!
But who is Herman Cain, you ask? I am here to tell you the facts as I've seen and heard them from various anonymous sources.
Herman Cain was born in America, not Kenya like our current President. And, he is an "actual black person" as he will often tell you, to confirm his separation from the "white side" of Obama.
Cain has been active in politics and served asSenator
as aRepresentative from District
asMayor of um.... hold on.....
Er. Herman Cain has less political experience than, than Sarah Palin. Wait, is that what I just said? Yep, just double checked, less experience in the political arena than Mama Grizzly. And, he hasn't even been offered a reality show.
He did however, run Godfathers pizza:
So, that seems like he'd be perfect for running the country, right?
Herman Cain has a loving family that he "likes to spend time with" according to his "Cain for President" website. Though he refuses to tell us who this family is. Some reports have his wife's name as "Gloria" and that she is a "homemaker". Troubling to him is the fact that many in the Atlanta area believe that his wife has been hidden away because of the damage she can do to him. Is he a wife-beater? A mobster? A drug-runner? An embezzler? Is he really gay? Or, perhaps his wife is hiding by her own volition because he's a BLACK MAN IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY! We'll never know for sure. (He also has children and grandchildren that also remain hidden from view).
Let me try to compare Herman to all the other black's in the Republican Party. He is a bit less dogmatic than Clarence Thomas, but only a bit. He, so far, has not been as befuddled and embarrassing as Michael Steele and he is certainly less rigid and makes more sense than Alan Keyes who often had one tilting their head trying to figure out what he was talking about.
Did I leave out anyone? Oh, he is different from Condi Rice in that he has a penis and cannot play the piano.
Herman Cain in 2012. Vote Cain if you know what's good for you!
But who is Herman Cain, you ask? I am here to tell you the facts as I've seen and heard them from various anonymous sources.
Herman Cain was born in America, not Kenya like our current President. And, he is an "actual black person" as he will often tell you, to confirm his separation from the "white side" of Obama.
Cain has been active in politics and served as
as a
as
Er. Herman Cain has less political experience than, than Sarah Palin. Wait, is that what I just said? Yep, just double checked, less experience in the political arena than Mama Grizzly. And, he hasn't even been offered a reality show.
He did however, run Godfathers pizza:
So, that seems like he'd be perfect for running the country, right?
Herman Cain has a loving family that he "likes to spend time with" according to his "Cain for President" website. Though he refuses to tell us who this family is. Some reports have his wife's name as "Gloria" and that she is a "homemaker". Troubling to him is the fact that many in the Atlanta area believe that his wife has been hidden away because of the damage she can do to him. Is he a wife-beater? A mobster? A drug-runner? An embezzler? Is he really gay? Or, perhaps his wife is hiding by her own volition because he's a BLACK MAN IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY! We'll never know for sure. (He also has children and grandchildren that also remain hidden from view).
Let me try to compare Herman to all the other black's in the Republican Party. He is a bit less dogmatic than Clarence Thomas, but only a bit. He, so far, has not been as befuddled and embarrassing as Michael Steele and he is certainly less rigid and makes more sense than Alan Keyes who often had one tilting their head trying to figure out what he was talking about.
Did I leave out anyone? Oh, he is different from Condi Rice in that he has a penis and cannot play the piano.
Herman Cain in 2012. Vote Cain if you know what's good for you!
Comments:
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Comment by AuntAzalea on 08/28/2011 15:45:57
...but can he play the piano with his penis? Perhaps that is why his wife is in hiding.
Comment by 
BobR on 08/28/2011 15:46:29
BobR on 08/28/2011 15:46:29
Hey - running a pizza joint is just like running the country, right? The budget is like a pizza, you have to know how to divvy it up. What else is there to know?
Comment by 
livingonli on 08/28/2011 18:20:28
livingonli on 08/28/2011 18:20:28
But is it better or worse than Domino's Pizza? Although, Domino's is setting the bar pretty low, even before I knew of their notorious anti-choice politics.
Comment by 
trojanrabbit on 08/28/2011 21:31:07
trojanrabbit on 08/28/2011 21:31:07
6 hour power failure over for now. Looks like one little downed tree is all that happened here.
Comment by BobR on 08/28/2011 23:09:12
I think I ate at one of the locations about 30 yrs ago. I seem to remember it was good pizza, and they had these awesome garlic knots. I could be confusing it with another place.
Regardless - even if it was the Best. Pizza. Ever. - is that all the experience you need to run the country?
BobR on 08/28/2011 23:09:12
Quote by livingonli:
But is it better or worse than Domino's Pizza? Although, Domino's is setting the bar pretty low, even before I knew of their notorious anti-choice politics.
I think I ate at one of the locations about 30 yrs ago. I seem to remember it was good pizza, and they had these awesome garlic knots. I could be confusing it with another place.
Regardless - even if it was the Best. Pizza. Ever. - is that all the experience you need to run the country?
Comment by livingonli on 08/28/2011 23:25:00
True that.
livingonli on 08/28/2011 23:25:00
Quote by BobR:Quote by livingonli:
But is it better or worse than Domino's Pizza? Although, Domino's is setting the bar pretty low, even before I knew of their notorious anti-choice politics.
I think I ate at one of the locations about 30 yrs ago. I seem to remember it was good pizza, and they had these awesome garlic knots. I could be confusing it with another place.
Regardless - even if it was the Best. Pizza. Ever. - is that all the experience you need to run the country?
True that.