The Candidates Part Cain! Author: velveeta jonesDate:08/28/2011 15:04:28
Herman Cain is indeed running for President on the GOP ticket in 2012. I know, I know, I also thought it was just a joke. Turns out, he really means it! Has a website and everything!
But who is Herman Cain, you ask? I am here to tell you the facts as I've seen and heard them from various anonymous sources.
Herman Cain was born in America, not Kenya like our current President. And, he is an "actual black person" as he will often tell you, to confirm his separation from the "white side" of Obama.
Cain has been active in politics and served as Senator as a Representative from District as Mayor of um.... hold on..... Er. Herman Cain has less political experience than, than Sarah Palin. Wait, is that what I just said? Yep, just double checked, less experience in the political arena than Mama Grizzly. And, he hasn't even been offered a reality show.
He did however, run Godfathers pizza:
So, that seems like he'd be perfect for running the country, right?
Herman Cain has a loving family that he "likes to spend time with" according to his "Cain for President" website. Though he refuses to tell us who this family is. Some reports have his wife's name as "Gloria" and that she is a "homemaker". Troubling to him is the fact that many in the Atlanta area believe that his wife has been hidden away because of the damage she can do to him. Is he a wife-beater? A mobster? A drug-runner? An embezzler? Is he really gay? Or, perhaps his wife is hiding by her own volition because he's a BLACK MAN IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY! We'll never know for sure. (He also has children and grandchildren that also remain hidden from view).
Let me try to compare Herman to all the other black's in the Republican Party. He is a bit less dogmatic than Clarence Thomas, but only a bit. He, so far, has not been as befuddled and embarrassing as Michael Steele and he is certainly less rigid and makes more sense than Alan Keyes who often had one tilting their head trying to figure out what he was talking about.
Did I leave out anyone? Oh, he is different from Condi Rice in that he has a penis and cannot play the piano.
Herman Cain in 2012. Vote Cain if you know what's good for you!