After much speculation about how much damage Ginger White would do to the Herman Cain Train, we waited with baited breath for him to appear from behind the shoddily hung black curtain in front of his beautiful new campaign HQ in Atlanta. Many people came out to speak about how wonderful Herman is as well as to make sure the audience was appropriately patriotic. Mr. Cain emerged from a bus that had a picture his overly large head plastered on to it; a bus that he may be using in his near future to either hit the Senior circuit RV parks with, or, to sleep in his driveway in. His wife, Gloria, was with him at his side. She is either subtly pulling the strings or she is as dumb as a turnip. The music was over the top; some original song that combined God and America and Freedom and Herman Cain all into one large lump of doughy, overly sweet, nutty cupcake.

Once he got to the podium and once the stoned sound tech got around to killing the song, Herman addressed the crowd which was about the size drawn at a used car lot that had a Saturday tent sale and featured a clown.

“Today with a lot of prayer and soul searching I am suspending my presidential campaign,” said Cain. “I’m doing this because of the continued hurt caused on me and my family, not because we are not fighters, not because I’m not a fighter.”

Certainly not! 'Cause if you were a fighter, you'd uh...... well, fight. You know. Stay in the race. Don't you have anyone you can blame for this? You know the usual suspects, the media, the Democrats, liberals, the liberal media, Obama, maybe even the Occupy movement?

"The pundits would like for me to shut up, drop out, and go away. Well as my grandmother who lived to be 104 years old used to say, when somebody was dead wrong, bless their little hearts", he said, right after he informed us that he was basically going away.

He then went on to tell us of his new plan, called Plan B (though sadly not from Outer Space). And before you ask, no, it's not an emergency contraceptive. Plan B involves going to his website and learning.... okay, basically Plan B is really his idea for keeping his name in the press so he can continue to get booty calls. OH! I get it! Plan B = Booty! Okay.

So, what will happen to the shiny new HQ that doesn't even have scuff marks yet? I'm guessing we'll see clowns and cotton candy on the lot soon.

In other news: The Donald will be moderating a GOP debate! Yes, I swear I am not making this up! I mean it's as delicious as finding out about a sex tape from Ann Coulter and Newt! If only Herman Cain would stay in long enough to see his ego against Trumps.

I envision it will go something like this:
Trump: Gov. Perry, you seem to agree with me that there is something very fishy about Obama's birth certificate. My question to you is, do you think that I'm correct that this was a plot cooked up by socialists back in the 60's?

Trump: Newt, if you won the nomination, who would you rather have as your VP, someone like me who is a self-made Billionaire and has a beautiful wife and buildings named after me and my own TV show and many other movie and TV contracts and my own casinos and someone who is as brilliant as me, or, someone who has been in Government all their life like you?

Trump: Gov. Romney, honestly, you have no chance of winning. Why do you continue to run. I'm just being honest here, no one can trust you. You're a good looking guy, not as good looking as me, but you get the picture. So what's your deal?

And lastly in other news, Newt Gingrich recently said this:

I can fix that up for you Newt. Here ya go:

Really RICH children, in really WELL-TO-DO GATED neighborhoods, have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works OTHER THEN THEIR MAIDS AND GARDENERS WHO ARE ALL BROWN, so they have no habit of showing up on Monday. They have no habit of staying all day; they have no habit of "I do this and you give me cash," unless it is JUST HANDED TO THEM.

Whoops! Works both ways smart ass.