In an effort to propel FourFreedomsBlog.com into the upper echelon of blogs, with an eye to beating out our competion, I present you with one of those ubiquitous and annoying yearly retrospectives!

Everyone does it: Sports shows, Hollywood gossip; Political media; and even Nancy Grace is sure to have a missing child/white woman year-end review. I’m sure we’ll all be glued to that, yes?

It’s just one of those things that has to be done; sort of like having a tooth pulled. You know eventually you’ll have to submit to a dentist, just like you’re bound to run into one of these various mediums that will scream out: 2008: The Year In Review! And you’ll be sucked in, even though you already lived through the year, probably sober most of the time, as well you still have the majority of your faculties; so you pretty much know what happened in 2008. Still, you’ll be hooked.

Besides, it gives the writers some much needed down time, right? How hard is it to basically re-write stories that have already been written?

Lazy bastards.

This is where we at FourFreedoms have the edge and are sure to beat HuffPo in the ratings war with our Year in Review. Why? When you google certain buzzwords you’ll happen upon our blog……. because our Year in Review is totally made up, um, we have access to avenues that even Woodward and Bernstein never had. Despite the fact that the owners of this blog don’t pay me nearly enough and haven’t even provided me with a company cell phone, still Velveeta has a dedication that will not waver. (At least until I get that offer from HuffPo).

So, I present to you: Top 5 Stories of 2008 *

The Ron Paul and Paris Hilton Affair
Why would Ron Paul give up on his wife of 68 years and run off with a starlet? No one knows for sure, but early in his run for President Paul took up with the young celebrity after meeting her at a “Paul for President” fundraiser. Soon afterward, he had his campaign staff design a new slogan for his run. The “Ron Paul Revolution” had the word “love” spelled backwards and colored in red; red being Paris’ favorite color. It was later found that Paul was secretly, yet publicly, declaring his love for Paris. After losing the election, they moved into a small flat in London, where Paris soon got bored and left her older man to go back to her glamorous lifestyle. Ron Paul now roams the streets of London, begging for Euros and trying to preach his philosophy of small government, free market and no taxes to the amusement of our friends across the pond.

Rick Warren is a Lesbian drag king.
It was during the Saddleback Church Forum with McCain and Obama that we learned of Ms Warrens penchant for dressing like a man, and not just any man, but what the gay community call a "bear"! It happened when her beard came unglued under the hot lights and she became overly sweaty during the extra long hug with Cindy McCain. The sad little wet goatee falling harmlessly onto Mrs. McCain's blouse. No one is sure exactly whom this “Rick Warren” really is, however, some are quick to point out that we’ve never seen “Rick” in the same room with Rosie O’Donnell.

A Pregnant Bristol Palin found to be Rush Limbaugh’s drug dealer.
Despite expecting a child, allegedly her first, the daughter of Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, continues to sell “hillbilly heroin” to supporters of the Republican cause, as well as young school children. Alaska State Troopers continue to turn a blind eye. This story came out during an incoherent on-air rant by Mr. Limbaugh who accidentally mixed his Oxy with too much Viagra causing him erotic hallucinations. He began screaming that Bristol and her new boyfriend had ripped him off and, that the baby she was carrying might be his. His delusions led to his show being abruptly cut off the air. He returned the next day and declared that he had been the victim of Liberal espionage.

Dick Cheney gets converted to Scientology.
VP Cheney has been busy this year, though you wouldn’t know it since he’s been staying away from the press. But my sources tell me that thanks to converting to Scientology with the help of Tom Cruise and Will Smith, he has taken back the reigns at Halliburton Corp. and is in the process of turning it into “The Halliburton Scientology Celebrity Center at the Guantanamo Spa”. Water boarding is now a Scientology level VIII spiritual cleansing of negative SP’s to attain clarity and a higher Operating Thetan awareness.

Obama wins election.
A black man with a name that almost no one could pronounce won the 2008 Presidential election! How’d he do it? By mesmerizing his audiences with all his “slick” words and “good ideas” and “hope”. Quite the opposite of the sad McCain/Palin ticket. Many people speculate that Obama is actually a robot or, an alien from outer space sent to destroy America.

That takes care of 2008. We look forward to what 2009 will bring forth!









*may not be completely accurate.