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The Candidates Part 10
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 09/18/2011 15:27:18

Just when you thought the GOP lineup for Twenty-twelve was nothing but losers, snoozers, bamboozlers, loonies, hucksters and a black guy, in steps another George W Bush. This time, with brains!

Richard Jonathan "Smiley" “Rick” Perry was born in a dirt floor shack in Cob-Web Creek, TX. His mother, a stay-at-home Mom sewed all of his clothes for school, while his father worked at various odd jobs and lived off the government as much as possible.

Rick was popular at Cob-Web Creek High where he was a cheerleader and member of the ROTC. He met his high-school sweetheart, Loretta, during his Junior year, but she flat out turned him down for a date. During the ensuing years while under a restraining order, he met the woman that would eventually concede to become his wife, Anita.

After a few years in the Air Force spent playing many pranks on his fellow corps members - he once snuck hundreds of live chickens into the barracks and then threw grenades in to scare the chickens and sleeping soldiers. It was quite amusing and, after piecing together body parts from chicken and men, no one actually "died".

Rick knew he was meant for politics and in 1984 was elected to the Texas House of Representatives as a Democrat. (Later, he realized that he had checked the wrong box when filling out his paperwork as he was a Republican). Then in 1990, as a newly minted Republican, Perry challenged Jim Hightower, the incumbent Democratic Agriculture Commissioner. He won, but Agriculture bored him, so he decided to run for Governor after being encouraged that someone like George W. Bush could do it.

He won with wide margins due in part of his platform of being staunchly Pro-Life / Pro Death penalty ideals that he still stands by today. In fact, he is remains a leader to this day in saving the life of zygotes and killing black men!

After accidentally supporting Al Gore in 2000,(another time where he didn't read the fine print on the paperwork) he settled in to the Governorship by signing great and sound pieces of legislation like:

    HB2 Belief in a True God Bill: mandating that only Evangelical Christians who are not on death row are superior.

    HB11 the Juvenile Aclohol Bill: making sales of beer and wine-coolers legal in High School as long as the football teams say a Christian prayer right after the National Anthem.

    HB15 making it illegal to have an abortion unless the girl gets legal written permission from her parents, preacher, school teachers from k-12, the boys' parents and grandparents, at least one Uncle (on the paternal side) and/or six (6) maternal cousins. Plus, a Judge will have to review and approve the abortion.

    HB21 the Kill Bill: reducing the standards for Death Penalty cases and making it easier and quicker to "Git R Done".

    HB 32 the Kill Bill part 2: Making science (i.e forensic tests, IQ tests) not permissible at all in Death Penalty cases before or after the defendant is put to death.

    HB 191: Making Texas school History books conform to the standards of the state of Texas and removing "facts" which have never been proven to be correct.

    HB 201: Making it legal to put Mexican Nationals to Death.

Rick Perry is another great Texas Governor that you'd just love to have over for a beer and Bar-b-Que! You can chat with him about how the money you've paid into Social Security is nothing but a Ponzi scheme. You can hear him brag about how many people have died while he's been running the state. He'll tell you about the fires and severe drought that currently plague his state and how he and his fellow Texans could have prayed away the disaster if only he'd been able to secede from the U.S. like he wanted! And, how much he loathes the Federal Reserve and the U.S. gov'mint in general.

Rick Perry for President in 2012: Saving your baby so he can execute it later!

6 comments (Latest Comment: 09/18/2011 21:28:58 by trojanrabbit)
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