Roger That.... Author: velveeta jonesDate:07/24/2016 14:06:49
It is with great sadness that Velveeta must report that Roger Ailes has passed on.
Roger J.H. Ailes was the founder and former Chairman and CEO of Fox News and the Fox Television Stations Group. He was a media consultant for Republican presidents Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and George H. W. Bush, and for Rudy Giulianiâ€™s first mayoral campaign.
In his spare time he ran an underground criminal enterprise specializing in gamboling and the slave trade. He also collected rare and exotic species of animals, many of them from Galaxies far, far away. He would often amuse himself with torturing his slave girls by feeding them to his most viscous animals. Ailes had many gamboling debts owed to him and used bounty hunters and assassins to search the known and unknown Universes in pursuit of his money.
Some of his higher ranking slaves were forced to sit in front of bright lights and recite breaking news items that often bordered on the outlandish and bizarre. One of these slave girls labeled Megyn Kelly, was able to escape for a short period but was soon found in the Universe called Twitter and reigned in by bounty hunters. She was forced to have a new hair style and to make a public apology in the form of an "interview" with Roger's BFF and co-reality star, Donald Trump.
Mr. Ailes also once tried his hand at writing a book and in 1988 published You Are the Message: Secrets of the Master Communicators, in which he discusses some of his philosophies and strategies for successful performance in the public eye. It sold 6 copies worldwide.
One of the people that read that book, an Australian lion hunter named Rupert Murdoch hired him to run his own criminal empire FOX News Empire. So in 1996 Roger Ailes took over Fox and ran it with an iron fist and a slimy, drooling large tongue. He often kept his slaves tied to his dais and made them perform news stories for him and would torture them by injecting them in the face with toxins thus leaving their face frozen then adding cartoonish makeup to them. Once achieving his ideal state of frozen perfection , he would then force them to read TelePrompTers that made them appear and sound insane and stupid. This would amuse him and his rich friends and entertain the poor masses that worshiped him.
Roger Ailes had a kinky fondness for wearing chain dog collars under his size 6XL shirts and sadly this was his downfall. One of his slaves found an opportunity to get behind him and use it to chock him. He went rather slowly and it was painful for his friends to watch. His funeral was held at FOX HQ on July 21, 2016. No one attended. In lieu of flowers please send money to any U.S. Billionaire except George Soros.