About Us
Mission Statement
Rules of Conduct
Remember Me

If your life isn't perfect, you're not alone. I love your imperfect life. 
Author: Raine    Date: 11/15/2017 13:43:06

It's so easy to compare our lives to others. We all want to live the best lives we can live and all too often we judge our lives based on the Keeping up with the Joneses’ theory. I had friends in High School who I thought lived lives that were so much better than mine. Decades later I've learned that wasn’t always the case. My abusive journey started later than some and earlier than others. The point being is when it happens, it's hard to acknowledge it. In that denial, the cycle of abuse cannot begin to end. Without it, healing is difficult. I'm talking about the sexual domestic abuse that's been a much spoken-of topic with regards to politics this past week.

More specifically, the idea that women shouldn't come forward to speak of their abuse is now being bandied about. I call bullshit on this. There is a myriad of reasons why women do not come forward. Books, theses, and essays have been written about why not - and still, too many men ignore the reasons. To state it more pointedly, the men who cause problems and ignore our explanations when we come forward are the reasons.

We are reaching a tipping point. We will have more women to be known as brave, and heroes. We know NOW that we have to have their backs and stand next to them when they want us with them.

Male conservatives are doing what they always have done, and some women will support their behavior, but I really believe we are reaching a tipping point. They likely are dead-enders in this saga (although I hope not).

Leigh Corfman is imperfect and her story is just as valid as any woman. It's actually a bit more informing because she let us see the endemic scars of what happens to teens who are sexually abused and have no safety net. They grow up imperfect. Their stories are no less important than anyone else's because there are more of us (the imperfects) than the "perfect victims". We need to embrace ourselves so we have more brave voices that thought they never had a voice. I say this not to divide but to unite.

What is happening in (Hollywood) is that we need to listen and give voice to *ALL* the women out there like Corfman -- they are the people we need to lift up. Hollywood women have a voice, and now that they are speaking out, people are listening. Even with the marginalization of a male-dominated industry, they know they speak for those that believe they have no voice.

The more women that speak up. the more we NEED to have their backs. This is why the Roy Moore story is so very important. We are getting a real look at what happens in America. There are places where his behavior is accepted while still being illegal. There are places where men over 30 years old think it is okay to "date" a female under the age of consent. In 2009, the head of the Duck Dynasty TV show family, Phil Robertson said it loud and clear.
"They got to where they're getting hard to find, mainly because these boys are waiting 'til they get to be about 20 years old before they marry 'em," Robertson says in a video clip that resurfaced Monday. "Look, you wait 'til they get to be 20 years old, the only picking that's going to take place is your pocket. You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16. They'll pick your ducks."

He describes himself an Evangelical Christian and as this LA Times Op-Ed says, it is a symptom of a larger problem in evangelical circles.

It's segments of society like the one I just mentioned where the ’manosphere’ is getting nervous because we are saying louder and more often that we're no longer afraid of them. It’s uncomfortable for them to both hear and talk to about it. That’s understandable, but It also sucks for us, the abused even more. Truth be told, the burden of our abuse has been put upon us to change this world.

Yet here we are. Let me repeat: The burden of abuse has always been put upon those abused in order to change the way things are.

I was raped and I will not be known for that. I had the luxury to tell my story knowing I was never going to be known as ‘that girl who was raped’. I don't have the platform that many people have. That said, NO ONE should be known as ‘that girl who was raped’. We should be known as the women who told our stories of abuse here and now — with the hope that our stories become a history that should be told and read with disbelief & disgust that these things happened. it should become history and something that lives in the past. It should be a study in how not to treat people.

Right now the paternalistic part of our society is reading these stories with disbelief and denial. These stories should not be denied by people like Sean Hannity, and others who support this behavior. Do not listen to him or them; There are more of us than him. We need to make the truth a safe place for everyone and call out white men who lift up awful, illegal and immoral behavior.

That said, of the people who read my story, if it helped just ONE woman find her voice, then my telling of it was a success. If it helped just one man understand what women go through, it was a success. I'd like to believe I did a small part to end this epidemic of sexual, and domestic abuse of other women. I'll never know and don't know if I want to know what my story did for others. I just want more of our sisters and brothers who understand to speak out and for them to support this idea:

We have your back. We support you. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be financially comfortable. You can have multiple marriages or none at all. You can choose to be a mother and have many children as you want or none at all even if that means you have abortions

If you had a car repossessed, and are behind on your bills; If your life is sloppy and messy -- If you don't know where your next rent payment is coming from, if you've had to do things just to survive-- If you tell me that you were a victim of abuse... I BELIEVE YOU.

Women like Leigh Corfman need our support more than ever. I know, I was one of those women.






30 comments (Latest Comment: 11/15/2017 21:45:41 by Mondobubba)
   Perma Link

Share This!

Furl it!