Velveeta Answers Your Questions Author: velveeta jonesDate:06/03/2018 14:37:33
It's time once again for Velveeta to answer questions that have been piling up in the ol' "inbox". Here's one that's been in the news lately:
Dear Vel, Do you think people should be able to use the word cunt? Vicki F. Michigan
Vicki, NO! It's a horrible word and I think that both Samantha Bee and you should be fired from your jobs and pelted with wet paper towels in a public humiliation forum. Disgusting!
Hey Velveeta, Where the heck is Melania? Harry D. Philadelphia Melania is taking some time off for relaxation and a few minor upgrades. The deep state conspiracy theories are amusing, but the reality is quite dull. A few nip and tucks from head to toe never hurt anyone and the President is entitled to look at someone pretty. I checked in on her last week and she was in very good spirits! Her surgeon, Dr. Stepford, has assured us that she'll seem completely normal once she returns.
Dear Velveeta, Are you excited about this upcoming summit with North Korea? How do you think it will go? It could be a bumpy ride at first but I think ultimately we'll see some explosive predictions from both sides. Dealing with a narcissistic personality who's never worked a day in his life and inherited everything from Daddy and demands total loyalty from everyone around him is a challenge to work with. I wish North Korea lots of luck.
Vel, The left are having a meltdown, are you enjoying it as much as me? Paul S. W. Va Indeed! They are going nuts over Roseanne having freedom of speech and the fact that President Trump is up for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dear Velveeta, I wish you'd write about the ongoing witch hunt that is hurting our democracy, particularly how President Trump did not write or dictate the statement made by Don Jr. about the Trump Tower meeting. Rudy, G. NY Thanks, I really don't understand that whole thing, to be honest. Can we try to make it more interesting? It needs a murder or at least some sex.
Dear Vel, How can we get Roseanne back on the air? Are you angry? Let's petition! R. B. Hawaii I'm too busy trying to get Samatha Bee and Joy Reid off the air.
Dear Velveeta, Regarding my last question, I meant to write that the President may have weighed in on the letter. It's what fathers do for their sons. But it's all innocent.The President of the US is not capable of obstruction. Let's just stick with those facts. Rudy G. NY Is this about the letter that North Korea sent? I'm so confused. Whoever sent that over-sized envelop that made the Presidents hands seem so tiny was just an evil mean person . You know he's got a complex about that!
Until next time, keep sending those questions and I'll try to answer them.