Dropping a Bomb Author: TriSecDate:09/23/2023 00:11:22
You are all my safe space. I feel like I need to tell somebody.
Mrs. TriSec doesn't even know.
I am no friend of Bill W.
I don't mean that in a negative way; his teachings have helped a few friends of mine, so more power to them.
TriSec has been in a bad place for much of this year; maybe even since Covid. Remember when I used to joke that I hoped that it was as easy to stop drinking when this was over as it was to start when it all began?
Turns out it wasn't.
Oh, I'm not in any dire straights. But concerned enough about it to be concerned...if that makes any sense. Over the last month or so, I've cut back significantly. Haven't even bought any new alcohol, and I may not when I finally finish my in-house stock.
It's been a long time - I think I went over a year, maybe longer, drinking something every day. I am always cautious, because I'm a professional driver. Anything over .03% is the end of my career. But on days off - there was plenty of binge-drinking going on.
It all came to a head about a month ago now. I always buy an expensive bottle of Scotch for my birthday. (Ardbeg this year). But so I don't drink it all, I also come home with my usual bottle of 'ordinary' Bourbon. On that day, I got home and poured a wine-glass amount, about 6 ounces. Drank it like water. DIDN"T FEEL A DAMN THING.
That kinda made me sit up and say, "wait a minute".
I stopped cold turkey; six days with nothing, perhaps satisfying myself that I could still do it. Ever since then, it's been minimal. Back to like I used to; a martini once or twice during the week, or a little wine with dinner now and again.
Today, for example - I actually measured out about 3 ounces of said Ardbeg and sat out back with my cigar and nursed it for about two hours. Then nothing else for the rest of the day.
Has rage-y short-tempered TriSec gone away? Well...not yet. I feel like I may have had some minor withdrawal symptoms, but they have receded.
Knowing of Bill, I researched some of the program, but given the heavy-handed religious bent of the 12 steps, I decided that it probably wouldn't be for me if I actually went through with it. However, given that I did stop and I am controlling my intake now, perhaps I am not too far gone.
TriSec remain pensive and unhappy - but that is no longer allayed by alcohol. Like always, music is actually my anchor, and I've been finding other outlets after some tough days driving tours in Boston.
I really hope to have a peaceful off-season this year.