Velveeta Goes to Washington. Author: velveeta jonesDate:06/08/2008 13:26:00
Hillary! Are you kidding me? You CANNOT give this speech. I'll say it again; its supposed to be a concession speech. Try once more. If you canít come up with something a bit more gracious, Iím going back to our writers and have them work on something for you. You need to tone down some of this. I say this with all due respect.
Iím giving this copy to this new intern and telling her to shred it!
Back to the drawing board. Third time the charm?
Stupid suspension speech:
My fellow Americans, My friends and supporters. (HUGE applause. Smile and point to a few people like your surprised and happy to see them in the audience). No. Please, ......... Thank you, thank you. No please.......... I want to start by saying how grateful I am to all of you. All of you that poured your hearts and soul into my campaign. All of you that took time to work for the campaign, knocking on doors, arguing with your neighbors and most importantly, contributing to my campaign, by going to Hillary dot com and supporting our efforts. Thank you ALL! (Pause here for applause and cheers - maybe do some more pointing?)
I come before you today to announce that I am suspending my campaign, temporarily, and I am throwing my full support behind my stubborn and stalwart opponent Barack Hussein Obama. (Pause. People will begin weeping and booing).
Some of you may ask, why suspend it? Well, as you are all aware, the young Senator from Illinois has been able to secure enough delegates, despite the fact that I received more votes from every primary state. And, just as a reminder, that I would be the winner if we were using the same rules as the Republicans. Why suspend it rather than throw in the towel you might ask? Well, as we all know, I clearly have more supporters than the inexperienced, yet passionate, Jr Senator, and we also know things can happen during June. I am not saying anything beyond that, just making a point that, sometimes, a person thinks he might be the "winner", while others behind the scenes have other plans. (Cheers?)
Now, to my 18.5 Million supporters - supporters like Mrs. Herbert Twitty of Pikesville TN, who sold one of her kidneys in order to send me the maximum contribution; Or, little Bobby McNeil of Linder Grove, NJ who is not old enough to vote, but contributed to our campaign by writing an oral report for his fourth grade class entitled: "Why Hillary Clinton would be a better President than some Black Dude" and then collected lunch money from his classmates and sent it to me at Hillary dot com. These, and all my other honorable and loyal supporters, all 19 Million of you, I now ask you to stand with me in supporting Barack Husain Obama as President of the United States - - unless, as I say, something were to happen. (Pause for applause and cheering. They love me!)
By merely suspending it, I would be able to step right back in if the young Democratic candidate was unable to complete his run; for whatever reason. And I am sure that his supporters, as well as my 20.5 Million supporters, would join me in taking the white house! We can and WILL be the CHANGE that this Country so desperately needs. (Wait for applause and people chanting "Yes we Will").
People cannot continue with the Bush policies that John McCain will bring. While the very experienced Senator McCain has been vetted and has proven himself to work across the aisle, he is not the kind of change we need. We need someone who will help people like Vivian Gulthmier of Pleasant Point, PA who pulled me aside and said, with tears in her eyes, "please help me get health care. I have diabetes, a brain tumor and chronic bromhidrosis. I work 3 jobs and had to sell my house and I and my 5 children now live in the basement of a drug dealers house, only YOU can save us".
To all those millions and millions who voted for me, and contributed to Hillary dot com or who will be contributing to Hillary dot com; its to you that I have I pledged my utmost, my commitment to you and to the progress we seek is unyielding. You have inspired and touched me with the stories of the joys and sorrows that make up the fabric of our lives and you have humbled me with your commitment to our country. (Oh, this is good, there's sure to be cheering here. Look stoic!)
Today, as I suspend my campaign, I congratulate Senator Osama, I mean, Obama, on the victory he has won and the extraordinary race he has run; against all the controversies surrounding him, like the Rev. Wright sermons, and his close ties with criminal friends Rezko and terrorist William Ayers. I endorse him, and throw my full support behind him. And, I vow to stand behind him if, again, he decides that he might not have the experience that he thought and decides to keep his job in the Senate. And I ask all 25 Million of you who voted for me in the primaries, to join me in working as hard for Barack Obama as you have for me. You can go to Hillary dot come to send your support to Barack Obama, and I'll be sure that he gets the money.
We cannot let this great opportunity to put a Democrat in the Oval Office slip out of our hands and that is why I am asking you to support Barack Obama. Because with him as our President, we will have Universal Health Care. Sure, it won't be a plan as good as mine, but it'll be a start. We will have an end to the war in Iraq. We'll have fiscal responsibility, similar to that which we had under the last Democratic President, my husband, Bill Clinton!! (Wave's of applause!!)
My heart is filled with gratitude for my 30 Million supporters; and you fill me with nothing but optimism and confidence for the days ahead. This is now our time to do all that we can to make sure that in this election we elect a Democratic President so that we can take back our country and once again move with progress and commitment to the future.
Thank you all and God bless you and God bless America. (CHEERS!!!! Donít forget to go grab Bill, dammit)
Just in fun folks. I thought she did a wonderful speech and I look forward to ending the bickering between friends and working hard to get Obama into the White House!