with apologies to Eugene Ionesco

Cast:
Mr. Clinton
Mrs. Clinton
Mr. McCain
Mrs. McCain
Fire chief Obama
Michelle, the Maid

Setting: The living room of a home on a street in a town. In the cozy living room are a couch and 2 matching armchairs. There is a fireplace. On the mantle are pictures of Mr. Clinton and Mrs. Clinton. The time is now. In the Living room are Mr. Clinton and Mrs. Clinton sitting in the armchairs. Mr. Clinton reads the newspaper while Mrs. Clinton darns some socks.

Mrs. Clinton: I understand that gas may reach $4.00.
Mr. Clinton: Yes.
Mrs. Clinton: Is it true?
Mr. Clinton: Yes.
Mrs. Clinton: Perhaps I should declare something....
Mr. Clinton: Declare?
Mrs. Clinton: Yes, perhaps there is something we can do......
Mr. Clinton: There's nothing to be done. Its the way of the world.
Mrs. Clinton: But I should declare something.
Mr. Clinton: Why bother?
Mrs. Clinton: But people are having a difficult time. Not you and I of course..... but some others.
Mr. Clinton: Nothing to be done.
Mrs. Clinton: Perhaps I could say something to make people feel like I care - like with the Foreclosure moratorium that I talked about.
Mr. Clinton: Mmm Hmmm.
Mrs. Clinton: So its agreed? I should say something?
Mr. Clinton: You should not say anything.
Mrs. Clinton: Good, then its settled, I'll make a statement.

(The Clock strikes 3 times)

Mr. Clinton: You should make a statement about the Irony of it all.
Mrs. Clinton: Irony?
Mr. Clinton: Yes, you know, how the Gas is going up and the banks are foreclosing.
Mrs. Clinton: What's Ironic about that?
Mr. Clinton: Its Irony for Ironies sake.
Mrs. Clinton: Oh.


Michelle, the Maid, enters

Michelle: Shall I answer the door?
Mrs. Clinton: Whoever could it be?
Michelle: Its the McCains, they are on the porch.
Mr. Clinton: Oh they're here early.
Mrs. Clinton: Were we expecting them?
Mr. Clinton: I don't think so.
Mrs. Clinton: We'll have to go get dressed for dinner. (They exit)

The McCains enter.

Mr. McCain: Hello Michelle, my friend. How have you been?
Michelle: Fine.
Mr. McCain: I've missed you - why haven't you called?
Mrs. McCain: (to Michelle) Are you going to introduce us?
Michelle: This is my friend Mr. McCain. Mr. McCain, this is Mrs. McCain.

(Michelle exits)
(The Clock strikes 9 times)

Mrs. McCain: Its a privilege to meet you Mr. McCain.
Mr. McCain: And for me as well, my friend.
Mrs. McCain: What do you do?
Mr. McCain: I am going to rule the world.
Mrs. McCain: Oh.
Mr. McCain: I'm going to go to war for 100 years.
Mrs. McCain: Oh!
Mr. McCain: 1000 years!
Mrs. McCain: Oh my!!
Mr: McCain: For as long as it takes!!
Mrs. McCain: Where do you live?
Mr. McCain: I live in a “rustic cabin” in Arizona.
Mrs. McCain: Why, so do I.
Mr. McCain: Actually, I live in a large compound.
Mrs. McCain: I do as well!
Mr. McCain: My cabin has a pool and a guest house.
Mrs. McCain: As does mine!
Mr. McCain: It was featured in Architecture Digest.
Mrs. McCain: Why, so was mine!!
Mr. McCain: I have 4 children.
Mrs. McCain: Me too!

(The clock strikes 13 times)

Mrs. McCain: Would you like to dance?
Mr. McCain: It won’t be torture will it?
Mrs. McCain: I should think not!
Mr. McCain: Because I don’t like torture - not when its done on me anyway.

They dance for awhile, then fall asleep in an armchair
Michelle re-enters with a bag of groceries.

Michelle (to audience): My real name is Sherlock Holmes. I am here merely to convey the meaninglessness of modern man’s existence in a universe ruled entirely by chance.
I am really a poet.

(She exits)
(The Clintons re-enter and the doorbell rings)

Mrs. Clinton (opening door): There is no one here.
Mr. Clinton: Are you sure?
Mrs. Clinton: Quite. Don’t you believe me?
Mr. Clinton: Well, you often need me to clean up your messes.
Mrs. Clinton: Don’t go there.......

(The doorbell rings again)

Mr. Clinton: (opening door) There is no one here.
Mrs. Clinton. See!

Michelle enters

Michelle: Shall I answer the door?
Mrs. Clinton: There is no one at the door.

(Michelle opens the door and Fire Chief Obama enters)

Michelle: Come in Fire Chief and take off your helmet.
Fire Chief: Yes I can.
Michelle: How is business?
Fire Chief: Not good, not good at all........ but I am very hopeful. Are you, by any chance, having a house fire?
Michelle: No. Sorry.
Fire Chief: Darn.
Michelle: Would you like to hear a poem?
Fire Chief: I would, but I don’t have time. There are many fires out there. And I must find them.
Mrs. Clinton: Are you sure? I haven’t seen or heard about any fires.
Mr. Clinton: MMM Hmm.
Fire Chief: They’re out there. It just takes courage to look for them.
Mrs. Clinton: I doubt it. But you’re welcome to look around I suppose. Are you aware that you're black?
Fire Chief: Thank you.

(The clock strikes 7 times)

Michelle: Here is my poem.
The sky was a dark blob of nothingness,
as the boots fell on the wet pavement
glass shattered,
people yearn for someone to save them.
A girl was heard to whimper in fear,
as the dawn broke, a crowd gathered to hear
a man speak about ......

(The Clintons push Michelle out of the room as she recites)

Fire Chief: Wait! I think I am in love with you. And I am filled with hope for us.
Michelle: (from off stage) I am too!
Fire Chief: But I must go and put out fires. Its my duty! Goodbye.

(The Fire Chief exits)

Mrs. Clinton: Good Riddence!
Mr. Clinton: We’ll be late for dinner. And you have a speech to make.
Mrs. Clinton: Yes, I must tell the people how experinced I am. Also, I must drop hints about the horrible Church pastor.
Mr. Clinton: Pasta?
Mrs. Clinton: Pasta?
Mr. Clinton: What about pasta?
Mrs. Clinton: Why are you talking about pasta?

(They exit)

(The McCains wake up)

Mr. McCain darns a sock while Mrs. McCain reads the newspaper.

(The Clock strikes 16 times)

Mr. McCain: I understand that gas may reach $4.00.
Mrs. McCain: Yes.
Mr. McCain: Is it true?
Mrs. McCain: Yes.
Mr. McCain: Perhaps I should declare something....
Mrs. McCain: Declare?


(Lights Fade to Black)

THE END