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football IS gay
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 12/11/2011 15:06:57

Well, your very own Velveeta was all set to write about late nights thrilling ABC News Republican Presidential Debate in Iowa, number 84 in a lineup of 673,992 total debates before we can actually vote on one of them, but then I found an interesting little blog about football.

Now, as you know, I loathe the sport. Politics is more my beat, because it's sexier. But last nights debate was a virtual snooze-fest. Poor George Stephonoplolologuspus just couldn't hold it together and asked the dullest questions ever. The only highlights included Mittens offering a pocket-change wager of $10,000 to Rick Perry (Perry turned him down), Camera 4 picking up Mrs. Marcus Bachmann shedding a tear as her wife talked about their strong marriage (methinks Marcus was crying because he realized that Michelle perhaps needed a tad more glitter on her décolletage) and Rick Santorum practically turning into a frothy, gooey, puddle onstage due to his nervousness. At one point in the debate he actually started making 'clucking' sounds.

So please excuse me for not following the debate and instead spending a lovely evening - teen-free - eating pizza, watching adult-themed movies and cruising the internets.

That's when I found this blog.

A little background on the writer. Barb Morrison is a very successful musician and record producer in New York that has worked with the likes of Blondie and Deborah Harry solo, and Rufus Wainwright, just to name a few. She and her business partner Chas have also scored music for film, Emmy award winning TV shows and major brand name commercials. She is no lightweight in the music industry and, as a woman, had to jump many hurdles to get where she is. Indeed, she is a passionate and very driven individual who is never shy about how she feels. As passionate as she is with her career, she is equally vocal about her LGBT community.

She also loves the game of football. As far as I can tell, this is probably her only character weakness, though she may admit to others that the causal viewer cannot observe.

But I digress......

Her complaint, rant if you will, is completely justified and well-spoken. I would very much like to see her put it to music. After all, football is pretty darn gay, as in homoerotic if you ask me. Velveeta has passed by a television more than once showing those large, beefy men squeezed into colorful leggings like jelly in a poke, all while padding their shoulders to appear even bigger. She has witnessed the one called Quarterback openly and what appears to be lovingly, caressing the underside of the man bent over in front of him as if to say "here I come!" This is a sport that has "tight ends" and "wide receivers". I didn't make this up, this was made up by supposedly straight men.

Barb claims their is some sort of strategy in this game other than trying to knock each others brains out.

Football is something I generally have to defend to MOST of my friends actually. I spend a lot of time trying to convince my friends (male and female) that contrary to popular belief its NOT just a bunch of big sweaty guys falling all over each other, that aside from there being a tremendous amount of strategizing and perspicacity there is also a huge amount of passion and emotion to football.

hmmm, I don't see it. Perhaps owing to the fact that I'm a baseball fan.

If the statistic that one in ten people are gay is true and there are1696 players in the NFL, then its safe to say there are at least 100 or more gay NFL players. Im not writing this to shatter their precious ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy. Im not even asking all of their straight male fans to drop their denial about how awesome it is to watch 22 gorgeous hunks running up and down a field in those cute uniforms.
But in light of the epidemic of teen suicides and bullying, cant the NFL help create heroes the way they used to ? Players that kids of every gender and orientation can actually look up to ?

Well said! I think that all sports, yes, even baseball and certainly basketball and hockey, need to stop being so hateful. Or, at the very least change the names of the positions like "tailback" and for Pete's sake stop piling on each other! People won't think you're "gay" because you play the sport, but most people will think you're an ASSHOLE BIGOT if you keep up the homophobia. So, football dudes, pick your label.

8 comments (Latest Comment: 12/12/2011 04:58:22 by Raine)
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