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Ass Crack
Author: velveeta jones    Date: 11/13/2011 15:36:03

Yet another GOP Presidential debate last night, making this number 18,001³ with several hundred thousand more to go. Highlights of which will be:

The Lifetime/Cracked.com GOP debate
The QVC/People Magazine Debate
The LOGO/Advocate/Martha Stewart Living GOP debate on a Carnival Cruise to South Beach, with Carson Kressley moderating.
The ESPN/Guns and Ammo Republican Debate with Larry the Cable Guy.

As with all the previous debates the clear winner was President Barack Obama.

Here is what you missed if you weren't watching (or, if you were watching, this is what I am claiming happened 'cause really, I had better things to do on a Saturday night).

On how to deal with Iran, there was much discussion of how to bring the dictatorship down. Should we bomb them outright? Michelle Bachmann looked like she was going to orgasm on stage. Cain voted for economic means. He didn't really say what that would be. Perhaps we'd hang some money on a hook and wiggle it in front of them and say, "hey! stop making nukes and we'll give you some mooonnneey, see the pretty, pretty money". Romney said that as President he would tie Iranian regime leaders to the top of the limo and drive them for miles around the country until they promised to stop making nukes. And Gingrich said that he would send in covert military operations to dismantle and destroy all nuclear capabilities, including killing all the scientists, and, that he'd do all this covert military while consulting with the state of Israel. I'm sure that the state of Israel appreciates that he's included them on these super secret missions. (Note to Newt: it's no longer "covert" once you advertise it). Ron Paul brought up the Constitution and how Presidents cannot really make those kind of decisions without Congress. He's always talking about that old piece of paper.

On a question about torture, specifically water-boarding, most of the republican candidates are quite for it. The only exceptions being former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman said use of the procedure diminishes U.S. standing in the world and Ron Paul took his "I'm crazy" hat off said it is illegal. Michelle Bachmann said she would like to water-board suspects herself and that her husband had hinted that he wanted to help, and Rick Perry had to one-up her and say "let's go water-board some suspects right NOW".

When asked about foreign aid the candidates really went their separate ways. Rick Perry said he would give "Zero aid to anyone. None, nada, zip, ziltch.... uh, um... there's another word for it also... uh..." "Naught?" asked an amused Ron Paul. "No, no, though that's a good one... um.." Herman Cain also said he would start at zero aid and not to be outdone, Ron Paul said he would demand that most countries give back the aid that they'd received from previous administrations.

As for some of the other candidates it was hard to get an idea of where they stand on the specific questions asked. Especially Santorum who answered every question with something along these lines, " When our founding fathers.... life.... freedom.... Our Creator.... founding fathers.... Obamacare.....liberty... marriage is between a man and a woman". And poor John Huntsman, the only one on the stage with the most political experience got almost no questions since he remains to far at the bottom of the polls due to his refusal to say something stupid and crazy.

Overall, it was a pretty boring debate. No one threw any punches, verbal or otherwise, which is why I would like to see this debate:

Budweiser ™ presents: The UFC / WWE / Outlaw Biker Magazine GOP debate and monster truck rally! Winner takes all!!
Oh yes! Get your tickets now.
 

6 comments (Latest Comment: 11/14/2011 00:03:19 by livingonli)
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Comment by clintster on 11/13/2011 16:25:02
All well and good, but it's a moot point because God told Herman Cain to run. You know who else God told to run?



Relevance begins at 2:25

Comment by livingonli on 11/13/2011 17:20:20
Glad I was at work last night doing a Hockey game (last night's Devils-Capitals game had to go to a shoot-out) and I didn't even know there was another comedy festival, er, debate.

Comment by trojanrabbit on 11/13/2011 23:15:11
You know, if you're going to start spewing out Christmas commercials, I'm going to think long and hard before I give you any business.

And Hallmark Channel, there's a special spot in hell for you. WTF with the all day Christmas crap.

Comment by Raine on 11/13/2011 23:33:46
Quote by clintster:
All well and good, but it's a moot point because God told Herman Cain to run. You know who else God told to run?



Relevance begins at 2:25





Comment by BobR on 11/13/2011 23:45:41
I saw some clips, and that was enough for me.

Comment by livingonli on 11/14/2011 00:03:19
Quote by trojanrabbit:
You know, if you're going to start spewing out Christmas commercials, I'm going to think long and hard before I give you any business.

And Hallmark Channel, there's a special spot in hell for you. WTF with the all day Christmas crap.

Wait until you see ABC Family's countdown to the 25 days of Christmas starting on the 20th.