How do? Listen up. Miss Velveeta has gone and got herself a job, a real one too, not one o’ them lay about “jobs” she’s always claiming t’ have, like "filmmaker" or "artist" or whatever. So, as she is off working at her job which is where she should be, she has asked me, her ex-husband, to write this here blog thing. Course we was only married for a short while, then she started wanting to all this fancy stuff and stopped even cleaning the house! No doing my laundry, NOTHING! So, as you can imagine: right out she goes. And good riddance far as I'm concerned. But eventually we start being neighborly again. She's nice enough to help get me back into the house after I plowed my car through the porch one morning. And she does look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of pancakes, so its hard to resist when she asks. Also, she pays me in Bud.
But now, I haven’t rightly introduced myself. Though yawl may have heard o’ me, I’m sure she talks me up all the time, right? She does don’t she? For those t’aint heard a me my formal name is Clemet Franklin Robert “Lee” Davis, Jr. Course my friends call me "Root", and that’s what yawl can call me.
First off, I sure am glad that Miss Velveeta got herself one of these computoor talky things so’s I don't have to type, otherwise this blog thingy would never get to written, fer sure! Hell, I’d spill my beer typin’. Its kinda spooky to see the words that I'm saying comin' cross the screen as I am sayin' them. Weird stuff! Pussy! Haahahahhahahahaha! Buttfucker!! Wooooooooo!
Now then, off to the stories. The note under my six-pack says I'm supposed to talk about Bill O'Reilly and his lynching comment and then segoo into talkin' bout animals and how man is the cruelest animal of all and talk about this here book. Pffffffth. Yawn. I'm gonna need more beerContinue reading...